[I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?]

I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?

In the beginning

9 (52.9%)

Never

5 (29.4%)

Occasionially

2 (11.8%)

On memorable occasions

0 (0%)

Always, has never stopped

1 (5.9%)

Total Members Voted: 17

Voting closed: January 25, 2011, 05:36:04 AM

[Love being on higher grounds]

I know this calls for some 2x4's, I am really curious though...

[Buggy31]

During his entire affair and up until BD #2 when he indicated he wanted to seperate he initiated sex.  I left it up to him and after he disclosed the affair to me a year earlier he only did it at night in bed.  I"m assuming this is because of the guilt he felt by the light of day.  I continued because it was the only connection I felt to him at the time and it met certain needs of mine too. 

[Hope for Zen]

I had a hard time with that. We have only been intimate three times since bomb, and it was after #3 that I began to suspect that the EA became a PA.  I haven't opened up any opportunities since then.  I am no longer sure H was only at EA before.  During our first separation several years ago I know he slept with two other people while we were still intimate on several occasions. 

I plan to be tested regardless of h coming home or not.  If he came home I would need to see a test result from him too.  Afraid of what may already have happened. 

[truth_seeker]

Up until he moved out w/OW and during holidays H has wanted to initiate sex but I have put an end to this as I didn't feel comfortable being the OW to the OW.  I'm his W and feel like I would lose my own self-respect.  I'm already feeling down and I can't afford to feel even lower.  Nor would I put my health at risk any further than it's already been given he's engaging in very risky behavior.

Once when he laid beside me in bed he wanted to go further and I asked if he had a condom first. What an odd feeling to have to ask your H of 20+ years if he has a condom. Never needed it before as he's had a V after S was born.  Thank Gaud!  He was shocked, but of course he didn't which was my own way of determining if he's truly been safe.  If he had been he would always have a condom available. wouldn't he?  Something to think about.   It's very difficult as H and I have had a passionate and adventurous sex life prior to all this.  Quite honestly I don't think I'm emotionally ready as I'm still working on detaching.  But man do I miss the man he was. 

[Glimmer]

We have only been intimate once since he moved out in November 09.  This was a year last Christmas Eve.  He had said he wanted to return home that he had made a mistake, so I didn't see any problem with that.

He has jokingly sent me suggestive text messages mostly in the early days but occasionally even up to a couple of months ago.  I would be very wary of any intimacy now because I know so little about his life and what he has been up to.

[Still]

We were last intimate in 3/09....at my urging and agreeing to "no strings attached". He has never said anything even mildly suggestive or acted the least bit interested since.

He did go through a phase of watching those crazy sexual comedies, but he doesn't watch anything like that now. I could be wrong, but I don't think he even thinks about it. He has never had a strong labido.

[whatever]

We were intimate at first a lot.  It was like he was trying to make up for the OW.  Then in November he told
me he wanted a divorce...none since then.  I wanted to but he said it would only make it harder.  I was
crushed.  Our intimacy was never ever an issue before BD.

[hyperglad]

Well after first BD in March 09 when he first said he wanted to live alone...just the same as always.

Then after BD2 in Aug 09 we had hysterical bonding were we were both trying to reclaim each other, our relationship, as well as the sex was fantastic with him making more of an effort with everything than he had in yrs...this would last for usually about 4 weeks then he would make contact with OW or her with him and he would withdraw again....I would find out, he would leave for the night, then beg to come home again the next day , this happened 5 times 

In March 2009 he just wouldn't come near me, In April he kept saying he was still unhappy, I asked him to leave and he admitted he had been talking to OW again as he was trying to plead his way back in, I had had enough and made him find his own place to stay.

Although he came almost every day from then until about 8 weeks ago we were never intimate, he said he had no interest in sex at all (9 mths) with me or anyone.

Early December i really started to notice the change in him, like he was coming out of his depression (and he had 6 therapy sessions) he then started to get closer to me and we began to get intimate again soon after and have been since, but not the HB kind.

[Tsunami]

This is something that honestly concerns me.  I question, how many LBS continue having sex with their MLCér knowing they are having sex with OW?

When I was growing up the big thing was syphilis; nowdays there are disease out there that Clorox won't take off!

I have no idea if my H will ever want to reconcile our marriage; nor do I know if he is having an affair.  My values and standards are way too high to consent to having sex with him if I knew he was having a sexual relationship with someone else.

You know, they do say when you have sex with someone you are also having sex with all the people these people had sex with too, and subjecting yourself to all types of VD.

Since I have not seen any topics on the forum in regards to this subject, I thought I would throw this out there for discussion.

[StandandDeliver]

wow scary tsunami, i was thinking last night I should start this very topic in a discussion.

I would feel extremely uncomfortable having a sexual relationship with an MLCer in an affair because of the disease risk etc. I would also feel concerned about it after if the MLCer returned and would need to see clean test results I think, first.

I also would feel odd about it psychologically, but I wonder what others think abut the STD risk aspect of it all?