[Absolutely Fabulous]

For all of you dealing with vanishers. Good article.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/why-ghosting-causes-so-much-pain

[xyzcf]

Childhood, disrupted

Adversity in childhood can create long-lasting scars, damaging our cells and our DNA, and making us sick as adults 

by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

https://aeon.co/essays/how-bad-experiences-in-childhood-lead-to-adult-illness

[Bailmor]

Ladies and gentlemen, the article linked is EXACTLY what I have been thinking since the passing of Scott Weiland, of the group Stone Temple Pilots.  For someone who for years has had numerous documented issues with drugs, alcohol and alternate lifestyles, I can't begin to pay tribute to this person.  Yes, his music was outstanding, but there is more to life than music.  This article written by his life could very easily be about any one of our MLCers. 

During this time of holiday spirit, remember those who are struggling and pray for hope that they find their way out of their own personal he!!.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/scott-weiland-s-family-dont-glorify-this-tragedy-20151207

[Rollercoasterider]

Before the kids came along I followed several infidleity blogs. I still ge tthe updates in my email, but don't have as much time to read them and since it's been a few years, fewer of the blogs are kept up--since they were personal journal blogs much like your threads here.

Well today I got an update following affair recovery and I think you need to read it! I have not read her recent posts--which were 6 months ago and so there may be more gold in there than jsut this post.

Diary of a Warrior Princess: Yes! We are still married and going strong!

[LisaLives]

I am not sure if this has ever come up here, but I know true PDs are often thrown around here.  Was the MLCer NPD, BPD, not in a clinical way, but on the spectrum, so to speak.  We are having a lot of problems with my STB step daughter and I found this for by BF to read.  It hit him like a kick to the gut because he was able to put 20 years of marriage into perspective. 

This is a really good piece that perfectly describes, for an abnormal psych novice, a person who is just-not-right, emotionally.  It basically describes subclinical PDs.  It is also not very hopeful any of them will ever get better, but it may resonate for a few people.  FWIW, remember take what you need, leave the rest...

http://www.heartspiritmind.com/relationships/relationships-with-emotionally-immature-people/

[MIMIx]

LisaLives,

This article has summed up EVERYTHING that  I have been unable to write myself.

  I have faced these challenges with my husband throughout our entire marriage.  I disregarded his feelings because I did not want to be pulled down by the negativity. This has only fuelled his anger and his feelings of being unloved.  He is so much more needy than I ever expected and it has never gone away.  This seems to be what has driven him to tell me "I can't do this anymore, I have to leave." 

Just a few weeks ago, h came to a family gathering...tried to put on a brave face and act like everything was normal.  When he gradually began to look unhappy, I asked him what was wrong?  He said that he didn't feel that he belonged.  So sad! I'm not sure what triggered this.  It was not me.   I was not with him at the time.  This, I believe, is his emotional immaturity talking to him.  He seems so overly sensitive, unreasonable  and believing that he is not loved by his family.  Which is not true!  These feelings he has,  fuels anger and resentment towards us and he starts becoming very controlling.  This only drives all of us away because it's too hard to take.  If I would have understood any of this,  I would have offered him additional affection, attention and validation.  However, how much does one continue to give towards what feels like a bottomless pit?   

Thank you for this article. 

[Velika]

Via The Guardian:

People Age 40-59 Least Happy, Most Anxious, Study Finds

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/feb/02/middle-aged-people-least-happy-most-anxious-ons-wellbeing-report?CMP=fb_gu

Unsure as to where to post this, but thought others would find interesting ... Feel free to merge elsewhere.)

[Searching4Answers]

I receive newsletters in my email about narcissism - my exh has huge narcissistic tendencies, always has The difference now is that he doesn't care how it effects people where as before BD he would try to downplay it.

One of the things that I am stuck on, and I see many of us here stuck on, is the injustice we feel at the hands of our MLCer. There are many times that I feel that I need acknowledgement from my MLCer of how firetrucked up his behavior is in order for me to move forward. I get stuck in this "I am right you are wrong" way of thinking. I know that I will never get an apology from my MLCer - I have accepted this but it doesn't stopping me from having some hope that I am wrong. Somewhere in me I think that his "I'm sorry" is a magic pill.

This morning I got this newsletter (replace narcissist with MLCer):
When dealing with typical narcissistic acts we have all felt that strong urge to be "right", make them "wrong" and oppose their bad behaviour.

I remember exactly what that felt like …

You witness their selfish behaviour, child-like arguments and malicious acts and you feel your blood start to boil.

You feel a tightness in your chest and you think to yourself – Nooooo way is that acceptable behaviour!!!

But they don't listen ... narcissist's don't change! ... 

Soooo .... in order to try to get some validation and understanding, you may call up a friend or make a post online to explain the terrible things the narcissist is doing to you.

Or you may obsess about the shocking things the narcissist has done - over and over and over.
And momentarily you may feel better ...

But what happens the next time the narcissist acts out?

Again you tell others how atrociously the narcissist is behaving, and / or replay it in your mind. And ... on reflection you feel like you are stuck in "Groundhog Day", going over the same things again and again and again.

The reason for this is because when we are triggered by something that comes across as “bad” or "wrong” we enter the realm of conditional living.

And what that means is we are saying to the Universe, “I cannot be happy until this condition changes”.

Then we have handed over our power, because as you have totally experienced, we have no ability to change the narcissist’s behaviour.

Now we have placed our own happiness and peace on what the narcissist is or isn't doing.

Here is the video - it makes a lot of sense: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO9Z6vRjEBc&feature=youtu.be&utm_source=New+Life&utm_campaign=96d0601135-NL_2015_Thriver_TV_Righteousness2_10_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_005709a593-96d0601135-407511733

[Songanddance]

My boss is a narcissist and through understanding narcissism and my own responses and reactions - she no longer bothers me.

I met her today to discuss progress on my appraisal targets that she had set me (it's meant to be me that sets them) - I had hit all the targets but the narcissist in her had to still be in control so she picked at a few of the targets with new tasks to do to really hit them. I completed them all this afternoon.

Her nit picking didn't bother me and when she asked me what I thought of her feedback I just said " I think there were too many targets and yet I still met them all.... I think I'm doing well"

She was silent, forced a smile and I finished the interview.

If you let a narcissist get to you - you will always be controlled by them. Detachment is very important in all walks of life not just MLC crisis.

[Ready2Transform]

SUCH a good piece. Thank you for sharing. It helps!