[whyme2]

LMMan:

My long story short.....reunited with HS sweeetheart after 20 some years....he was never married...confirmed bachelor 42......we jumped in to quickly (in hindsight) and got married....
He rented his bachelor pad house....and moved into my lifestyle...with teenager son (now 15)....He has had a hard time adjusting ever since.  WE are the best of friends and do everything together (I know not healthy)....we do not have financial issues or sexual issues.....he just has told me 5 times in the last 14 months his is just not happy and doesnt really know why.  He has come and gone for a day or two....but this time he has been gone since Feb. 19(althought he only took about 2/3 of his clothes, a tv and computer....he left tons of personal important paperwork).....he is moving back to his original house (kicked the renters out) and says he needs some time and space to see what he really wants.  Although, he does not want a divorce......says we can have both houses (he says he is just going to buy a couch and matress for the house).....me come over there some and him come to mine some....with some alone time inbetween.  He calls or texts everyday....and even come up this past weekend....I cried and he said do not pressure me or ask me any questions....OK.....I will just be his doormat.  We did enjoy a bit of time together Sat....but I am just an emotional mess.  He is staying at his moms till the renters get ut of his house.  I am trying to get on with it and play by his rules.....but it is killing me....I have had to get on anti-depressants and take sleeping pills everynight to sleep.  i have lost 15 lbs....I feel like I am going nuts.  I bought both books DB and DR....read DR cover to cover.....I am trying to go dim......I do not contact him...he contacts me.....he iniciates seeing eachother.....but honestly it only makes things worse for me.  He is very irrational right now.... so sorry to hear about your story as well....


Where has you H been living since you seperated??

[LoveMeMyself]

WhyMe2,

     My marriage was only 5 years........second marriage for both of us.  I believe he perhaps married too quickly after his divorce (hindsight).  He moved in my house with me and my son (adult).  He knew my son lived with me as he was still in college and working a full time job.  He was hardly ever around but when my husband made the speech, "ILYBNILWY" he also made nasty remarks about my children (adult married daughter and son).  He blamed me and them for his "unhappiness".  He said we all "used" him and he was totally "unappreciated".  He attacked the fact that my son still lived with us.  He was brutal with all his "monster" attacks.  Anyway, he moved out while I was out of town visiting my daughter and left me a note.  Cold, huh?  About 3 weeks later I discovered all the text messages between him and OW in the phone records........wow!  Major slap in the face.  He went through some major MLC issues on a fast pace rollercoaster after his affair was revealed.  He had even purchased a brand new vehicle for her......yes, we were still married at the time.  He's purchased two other vehicles for himself and two motorcycles in about 6 months once he left.  He filled his new apartment with brand new furniture.........oh, and purchased all brand new electronics.........all kinds, you name it.  I tried with everything I could to stop him from filing and going through with the divorce but he wouldn't have any part of stopping.  He said he was "done"........gave and gave and gave until he just couldn't do it any more.  Sad thing about everything was he said things that was more about his first wife and not me.  I believe he probably got the bad treatment in his first marriage mixed up with our marriage.  We were like you.......happy, no financial issues, spent most of our free time together doing everything together, etc.  Our marriage wasn't ugly and we never fought.  He has even said that we had a good marriage...........so, why did he do this.............MLC, that's why.  I just shake my head in disbelief most of the time when I'm thinking about it all.  So, to answer your question, he lives in an apartment.  He works with some very close friends of mine and they tell me what he's doing but they know it bothers me to know so it's better not knowing.  He has been told to leave........find another job..........but he has a Government job and can't really be fired..........not unless he really screws up his work.  He has trouble focusing and remembering stuff.  They took some of his responsibilities away due to his "mental" status so he doesn't do very much work most of the time.  He hardly ever works an entire week.......takes a lot of time off.  He rides his motorcycle to "get away" from it all...........takes him away from his problems.  Wish I could find something that would do that for me.  You hang in there and keep reading and posting.  Some things are helpful and some things aren't.......just take what you need and leave the rest.

[Rebel Yell]

I've watched the movie probably 20 or 30 times. It's one of my favorites. A couple of Wednesdays ago I was
at Church and as it was letting out I said to myself "I think I'll go home and watch Fireproof". Before I could
grab the DVD I turned on the TV and what do ya suppose was playing on satellite? Yep, "Fireproof".
I said, well God, I guess You'd like me to watch this movie again. And so I did.
Of course it does no good for the MLCer but I think it helps us LBSers.

[whyme2]

The plan for the evening is to watch the movie......maybe it will give me hope!!

[LoveMeMyself]

I even bought the "Love Dare" book back then as well...........two copies as a matter of fact.  Was going to give one copy to H then but decided against it.........just figured he'd use it on his OW at the time.  Go figure. I might watch the movie myself but not until the weekend..........then I might just open up that bottle of wine I've had for about 6 months!  ha, ha.

[whyme2]

LMMan:

You go girl..........I tried to watch it last night and could not get the DVD player to work...ughhh
Will see if my son can help me tonight.  I have heard of the book.....might pick it up too. 

I have to go to Savannah this weekend for a being dedication (Hall of Fame) for my grandfather that died in Oct....as much as I would like to say I am looking forward to going to Savannah and all.....I am dreading it.  Today has been rough....anxiety...not sure why. 

I told you my H texts or contacts almost everyday.....does all the flip flopping and sending such mixed messages.  Well have not really heard from him since Monday.  He text Tuesday and I waited over an hour to respond....then said I was out (so not like me at 8:45) and I would text him when I got home.....he responded no big deal, nevermind.....going to bed.   Then yesterday nothing from him.   He is a big time cake eater.....and I am falling prey to it!!! 

[forthetrees]

I just watched "How About You" on netflix and would recommend it highly. It is set in a nursing home in Ireland and it touches on those human values that we are all trying to grapple with- has humor and a feel good ending- surprising for a cast of characters in a nursing home:). Treat yourself!
FTT

[whyme2]

I started watching EAT, LOVE, PRAY.......about the first 30minutes...this am....and BAMB!!!! Hit me too, this character is grappling with her live and is totally running away to find herself. 

I am starting to watch it in it's entirety right now on , on-demand.  Don't know if I will like it, but immediately thought MLC in the first 30 minutes this am.

Funny how art mimics life.....

[Faith]

I didn't like "Eat, Pray, Love" - probably because it did hit too close to home.  It seemed like we were supposed to admire this woman for dumping her husband to strike out and "find herself".  SELFISH!!  I found myself thinking "thank God they didn't have kids" and had to remind myself it's only a movie.  Ha!  Anyway, the whole thing annoyed me.

I liked "It's Complicated", but watched it with a friend, not my H.  The part that really impacted me though, was when the grown kids were upset at finding out that their divorced parents had been having an "affair".  The parents were confused by their reactions and the crying daughter said "we're still trying to recover from the divorce" (that had happened when they were kids).  Ugh....knife to heart. 

[Moving Forward]

Lost in Translation is a beautiful film and I think Bill Murray's character is having an MLC - the photography is stunning