Author Topic: My Story standing on my own two feet  (Read 16999 times)

Offline blackiceTopic starterTopic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #110 on: June 22, 2016, 06:31:39 PM »
I've been meaning to update for the longest time but my life is very busy anymore. I work a lot. Right now i work days and nights while im training so I am basically never home. One more week and my schedule will even out and I can rest a bit. I do like my new job. Good pay and good hours plus I can work from home if I want to and I can transfer out of state when I do move. Things are finally looking up for me at least.

H is in constant contact as usual. His NC he put in place when he left lasted less than 24 hours. He keeps saying he should be with me not her anymore. They dont even sleep in the same room most of the time. Its bad over there but that was his choice. I remind him that. He chose it.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline Chookie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2704
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #111 on: June 27, 2016, 09:32:14 PM »
Hi BI, I've been off the air  for a few weeks. So glad to see you posting. What's the new.job? Sounds good and you sound really grounded.

Hope things keep moving positively for you.

Take care  :)
BD 29 Nov '13
Left home 8 June '14
Does not live with OW

Offline blackiceTopic starterTopic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #112 on: November 25, 2016, 07:39:25 PM »
Hey all it's been a while since I have updated. Life has a way of going on and you get busy and you move on.

I lost my house. Had to put it up for short sale before they foreclosed on me. The boys and I moved into an apartment down the street. They are nice but still a little more than I can afford. Still working my part time job and started working from home for a health and wellness company. Doing ok but still tight on money and wishing for it to be better soon.

H and I still talk every day. I've seen him twice since he left. I was supposed to bring him home with me both times but his PO messed up the transfer and I couldnt stay because of work for him to get it fixed. Basically could get him home now but neither of us have the money and his window to leave is closing soon. Ow makes sure he never has money and is still as abusive as ever. In fact she's worse than she was. He is having to sneak away to get out because he is afraid she will try to harm him if she finds out he's leaving. He's already almost died once because she refused to get him medical treatment. His eyes are wide open now. Its sad really because all he wants to do is come home and he cant get here. The situation is so volatile where he is its a genuine safety concern but my hands are tied and hes stuck because of the financial abuse on top of the physical and emotional abuse.
He got mixed up with an actual narcissist. I wouldnt wish that hell on anyone.

Me I'm in a good place. I live my life. I do what I want. Im happy. Do i miss him, of course i do. Do i want him home, we both do. I wish he could get out of the hell he put himself in. Im not going to let it stop me from what im doing though.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline Passiflora

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 535
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #113 on: November 26, 2016, 01:30:09 AM »
Hi Black,
sooo good to hear from you too, I just read Pixies update. Sounds like your xh is waking up to reality, which is good in a way. He has to feel these consequences before he can change into a "new" person.

I'm happy for you that things are starting to calm down from all the drama you had to live in.

Hugs

Offline Pixiegirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3513
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #114 on: November 26, 2016, 09:42:48 AM »
Hi BI,
I am glad to hear you are moving forward and in a good place. It sounds like H has his hands full and is right in the muck of everything he created. That's got to be hard to face.

I need to catch up on your thread. If I remember correctly, he had a baby with her and wound up marrying her?

Offline blackiceTopic starterTopic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #115 on: November 26, 2016, 10:48:57 AM »
Yeah he did, however the marriage is illegal so he is going to file for an annulment. The child he isnt even sure is his sadly. From what I hear that child is a nightmare and just like its mom.

But yeah emotionally I'm good. Financially could be better. Kind of short $300 this week for the rest of my bills but hoping I can come up with it somehow. The move sucked up any extra money I had so I've been struggling for about a mobth now trying to get back on my feet. Other than that its evened out. I found my center and my strength again and marched forward cause there is no sense in looking back because it can't be changed.

Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline Chookie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2704
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #116 on: November 26, 2016, 04:42:12 PM »
BI!!  :)

I haven't been posting much but was so glad to see your update. Sorry things don't seem to have changed much for you.  What a crock it all is.

Following along.  :)

BD 29 Nov '13
Left home 8 June '14
Does not live with OW

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 22645
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #117 on: November 27, 2016, 07:34:21 AM »
Hi BI,

I'm glad to hear you are feeling more centered.

He will eventually need to deal with his mess, but it's his mess to fix.

You sound good!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline blackiceTopic starterTopic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #118 on: November 29, 2016, 04:52:07 PM »
I am. I am actually feeling really great, I'm happy and feel in control of my life for the most part. Things could be easier but I think that will take care of itself in time. I love my job and am just focused on me and my family. I came back because I wanted to let people know eventually, regardless of how things turn out, we will be ok. With or without our spouse. Right now mine is playing catch up. He will get there eventually but that's on him. Me I just let go and let god guide me to where I feel I need to be. Ever since then things have been so much easier.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline blackiceTopic starterTopic starter

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2753
  • Gender: Female
Home sweet home
« Reply #119 on: April 26, 2017, 05:48:59 PM »
hey all, long time no check up so my thread is in the inactive bin. If someone can link the posts I have to this one I would appreciate it. Thanks!

H is home. No contact with OW for a week and deleted her number and everything from his phone. He packed up and walked out the door and came home. So reconnecting and rebuilding. I'll post more later!
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.