Author Topic: My Story How can she  (Read 11534 times)

Offline Optimus360Topic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: How can she
« Reply #90 on: May 24, 2019, 10:12:01 AM »
You’re constantly trying to justify why you stay.
There’s this blanket of anxiety and frustration that lives on top of everything.  You’re heartbroken because she’s changed so much and so quickly. This nostalgia is baked into everything, of missing what was here

Offline Optimus360Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: How can she
« Reply #91 on: June 16, 2019, 06:52:45 AM »
Why???
It’s father’s Day here in America.  And this morning I was greeted with a polite “Good Morning” by MLC W. (Not normally how she greets me) Followed by the kids presenting me with a Very Nice Father’s Day Gift.  Since my kids are still young, 15, 13, and 10 years, the gift was obviously purchased by W.  Then we had a traditional Country Style Breakfast. (which she made)  One of my favorites.    Across the Breakfast table we had an upbeat, can I say delightful conversation, and even a little bit of flirting, as we planned the day’s events with the whole family.  OK, maybe the flirting was my own wishful thinking, but in any case, the mood is so much lighter than standard weekend mornings.  So why?  Why, can she step up for a special occasion?  If she knows how to be like her old self, or at least act similarly to her old self?  Why doesn’t she work at this at other times?  She simply has to feel the lighter mood.  The reduced tension.  The Fun.  No??
I know, I should simply take this and enjoy, which I intend to do, after finishing this post.  I’ll focus on the good.  A day with my family!  IT IS NICE to have less negativity in the house, even for one day. 
I just find it so difficult to see a glimpse of my old W, only to know that the angry stranger will soon re-appear.

Offline Standing Strong

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Re: How can she
« Reply #92 on: June 16, 2019, 12:54:19 PM »
OR she hides in her room, watching TV, or on her phone.  When I ignore her and her antics, things go smoother, but it is still an unfulfilling existence. 

This is what mine does!!!! Annoying isn't it?

Ok, about the fathers day "act"..... it's a mask. She knows what she was, she doesn't want to be that (currently)... hence, no she doesn't want to work on that. It was a gift that was probably difficult for her to pull off. A better question would be WHY..... why would she do that for you? Guilt? Covered up feelings? Just to put on a show for the kids? Whatever the reason, she did it and that's something. Can't hand a hope on it, but take it for what it is.... positive. Obviously it took thought and effort, and isn't that what we're all looking for? One step at a time. I think you're 100% right about enjoying it for now and the alien will return soon. Good going man!!!!
Keep that love alive!!!! She's counting on you, she just doesn't know it yet.

-SS

W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline AlvinTheMaker

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Re: How can she
« Reply #93 on: September 24, 2019, 01:33:25 AM »
Attaching....  Can see a lot of my W and myself in your posts.   

Hugs / Fistbump
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD: Feb 2019
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

On LBS diet: started at 281 lbs, now 265 - goal is to lose 66 lbs while being suck at this

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** “Rivers know this: There is no hurry, we shall get there some day.” — Winnie the Pooh ***

Offline Optimus360Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: How can she
« Reply #94 on: October 14, 2019, 10:21:37 AM »
My W’s B Day was coming up, so I offered to take her and the kids to dinner.  She never really answered.  I kept trying.  The upcoming Sunday, her actual birthday, was planned full with kids sports, but we were to be free in the evening. I asked again, if she would like to do something.  This is now Thursday.  She said maybe, so I texted a group of friends, to offer for all to join us out, for a dinner/ a little celebration.  Not too late, I specified, since she and our 3 kids have school the next day.  W followed my text a few hours later (after several had replied that they were in), to say she was skipping her B Day this year.  She was simply too busy, and wasn’t up for this kind of an event on a Sunday evening. 
Saturday afternoon, she texts me to ask if we could go to dinner, just our family.  We went, and had a nice time.  Sunday came, and after the second game with my oldest, she declares she is not cooking, and we should go out with friends.  Which we do, (but not the whole group originally invited) and she acts like she is having the most wonderful time.
This was followed by a Facebook post, Thank you so much for the Amazing Birthday wishes.  I love and treasure each of you in your own way.

Ahh… the confused mind of an MLCer.  It's enough to drive me Crazy.  And I'm not the Crazy One!!

Offline Optimus360Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: How can she
« Reply #95 on: October 29, 2019, 06:54:28 AM »
I’ve been reading other posts here on HS.  They usually help ground me.   Now I’ll give an update to mine.
I have a big birthday coming up, and my MLC W threw a party.  She planned a big event with lots of people, many friends and family, music, food, and drinks.  She even invited my best Life Long Friend in from across the country, and surprised me.  Between the party, being social, going out for lunches, watching football, and taking care of the kids, to let me and my friend have some time to catch up, she was on her best behavior.  We had a great weekend, and she was acting so much like her old self.  The woman who loved to entertain and have fun socially.  It even seemed like a little flirting at one point.
At least this time I didn't get my hopes up, as I knew what was coming.  And yes, by week’s end, she was back to the brooding, unhappy woman who lives in the spare room downstairs.  It feels like being up and happy simply wore her out.
It’s been said on this site many times; how the difficulty for the LBS is amplified by seeing their spouse's old self come back from time to time.  But they always run back into hiding.  I guess that is the fog?   Who can tell, but man is it rough on the rest of us!

 

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