[Any midlife crisis victims who can share their experiences during their transition]

Any midlife crisis victims who can share their experiences during their transition

What went through your mind

2 (66.7%)

Did you really stop loving your spouse

1 (33.3%)

Total Members Voted: 3

[hawk]

ls he a doctor or something ? Anyway , only made it part through bc really isn't that all exactly what we've been getting told right through anyway.

Ps , my w doesn't fit any of the early child hood stuff but their actions going into mlc was pretty well  her to a T.

[Samurai]

Ps , my w doesn't fit any of the early child hood stuff ...

Mine had all of those. :/

[UKStander]

Great link. Thanks, Beacon. It was a reminder to me to keep the new life - the GALing - going strong.

[superdog]

My h fits the bill on chaos kid  for sure.

There was an interesting comment about not using their name. Any ideas anyone on that?

Sd

[Beacon]

Superdog,

I am not sure about that either. I don't know what he means by not using their name and I can't even begin to speculate on why that might be.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Thanks for posting the link to the article. I've been at this for nearly 2 years and I think that's probably the most helpful thing I've read. And re-read.

[Holdingpattern]

Wonderful post by Ukstander. An insight from inside the "tunnel".

Maybe I haven't read all the following posts, but everybody talk so much how much they have changed while in the tunnel. I would like to know if this female MLCer has changed so much after that and what has she changed, . It is interesting that some bits and pieces of the marriage, she wouldn't recollect. Do they go through mind lapses? do they have gaps in their memory? this is so scary......

[scooter]

Sewing22 thanks for sharing your story with us, my question is in knowing all of this what is the best thing as a LBS to do for their MLCer?  Is it just standing and not giving up on them?  Paving the way?   What do you think your H could have done to help you, maybe insist on going to a doctor about the depression? 

When this first started I had my H convinced to look into testosterone therapy and we actually went but it was so stupid expensive he was like no way, seriously we couldn't afford it.  So we didn't do anything and I regret that.  I have always felt like it was something hormonal, also I was going through menopause myself and I think we went through it together but he has some serious health issues that I think really depressed him like a death sentence even though he has gotten treatment and doing better health wise....except for his brain...

[sewing22]

I think one can never look at him/herself in an objective way.

In sewing22's story, I noticed how she mentioned that the post MLC herself was a facade, a made-up one that she had to destroy and get her true personality. That's how she sees it now. I think that her previous persona was just as true THEN as the one is now. The previous one didn't fit her life anymore and had to be destroyed and a new one had to be built.

So I think people in MLC can't tell that they are in MLC at the replay phase. They see their choices as valid choices that they made because that was the right choice. As they progress, they will see that it wasn't, causing

Spot on Samurai.

[sewing22]

Sewing22 thanks for sharing your story with us, my question is in knowing all of this what is the best thing as a LBS to do for their MLCer?  Is it just standing and not giving up on them?  Paving the way?   What do you think your H could have done to help you, maybe insist on going to a doctor about the depression? 

Scooter, back then I saw a therapist for a whole year. Looking back I know I should have been put on antidepressants, but I wasn't. Also, the therapist who treated me did not counsel me on helping me with my marriage, but steered me in the direction. Of saving myself. This is why I'm convinced that the wrong kind of therapy can do way more harm than good, and that marriage counselling, even when treating one half of a couple should be about preserving the family, all things being equal of course.

I know standing is a very personal choice and is in itself it's own journey, but I will always say that after I came out of my fog (no other word could describe this better, by the way), I could have gone back to my marriage, but my ex-h at that point had become so bitter that it wasn't an option. Uhh, I guess he never was a member of this site!!!

We don't know if everyone whose h/w leaves is in MLC, but out of the ones who truly are, I can tell you with certainty, if they can make it out of that tunnel alive, there is a chance they will want to come back if their life with the LBS was a good one. I know I could have tried again just by wanting to get back everything I had lost. It would have been like coming home from the 100 Year's war, opening the front door, putting down my worn and tattered bags and asking, what's for dinner?

I was pissed off at how I lost my family and my life.