[Chookie]

What a great date to take B. But if they invited all the dignitaries, l can't work out why Chookster and me didn't get an invo, weird. 

So weird!  Maybe not everyone thinks of a Chook and a Hawk as dignitaries, H! Pffftt!

  , it's a cruel world isn't it chook.

Just...so...cruel! 

MB, no one has the right to judge you and what you choose to believe or stand for. As you know, I waver daily on whether I'd ever take H back. As I cycle, so do the thoughts and ideas about where I actually am in all of this and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Others have been through their own trials and have arrived at a different platform, have a different point of view, that was their journey and perhaps they arrived where they were meant to, maybe not. Who will ever know?

We are the only ones who have to be comfortable in our own skin. What happens inside our heads and hearts is ours to deal with. And we'll deal with it the best way we can, in our own time and on our own terms. X

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I've never had any doubts about whether I'd take my wife back because I've never been able to imagine a future without her. Probably something wrong with that. I wrote this in response to a PM and I think this is a good opportunity to post it on here.

The bottom line is that I simply miss my wife. I miss talking with her, I miss being with her, I miss going places with her, I miss her smile and her laugh and her touch, and I miss her caring and her concern and her love for me and our family. How do I change that?

[Anjae]

The bottom line is that I simply miss my wife. I miss talking with her, I miss being with her, I miss going places with her, I miss her smile and her laugh and her touch, and I miss her caring and her concern and her love for me and our family. How do I change that?

I don't know if there is a ever change that. Or if there is any need to change it. As times goes by, we will be more detached, but, there will still be occasions we will miss our MLCer.

Those of us who found someone else, may stop missing the MLCer for good (or may not, I really do not know), but those who remain single, even if their life is very full, will always, here and there, miss the MLCer.

I see nothing with your missing your wife. It is one thing to miss someone, another to stay stuck. And I don't think you are stuck.

[Reallytrying]

Brain - like you I have no doubts about taking my h back. I love him and miss him daily. I have found that I can find happiness anyway but for me that doesn't include another man.  I agree wholeheartedly with XY & R2T - divorce is a big deal and I think your feelings seem perfectly natural to me.  I also see nothing wrong with telling the lady you'd take W back. Anyone who asks me gets that answer from me. I have also known that transparency to be helpful both to me for owning my reality and for someone going through it who thinks they are alone.  I think there is no shame in being firm in your marriage vows. I told someone the other day that "I vowed better or worse - I guess here's a bit of that worse." She didn't seem to understand but she doesn't need to. The only person who needs to understand my choice is me. As long as you know it's right for you to stand then I am 100% behind that choice.

I understand your missing having her there to share some of those mundane details of life. I miss that too - the reliable friendship that H and I had. We are always interested though I recognize its not quite the same.

Did you open the letters?

[MyBrainIsBroken]

What a great group of people are on here. WTH are we all doing on here? None of us should be on here.

Thanks RT. I appreciate everyone who has shown interest. I had one of those moments today where I wanted to tell somebody something and the first three people I thought of, my mother, my father, and my wife, are all gone now. It sucks being an orphan.

Finding happiness isn't a problem. I was happy tonight. I was in the ambulance with three of my EMT friends, I was relaxing in the passenger's seat on the way back from the ER, we were all laughing and joking and talking about medical stuff in EMT SPEAK and I was happy. How do you explain to people that you can be happy but still feel empty inside? I don't even try.

The unopened letters were from the evil lawyer. She's gone now. I still have one letter from her that I haven't opened. I should probably look at it. Maybe she refunded my unused retainer. My new lawyer emails me and I've opened all of his emails. My new lawyer's ok. I'm not afraid of him. I even like him.

[handpuppets]

How do you explain to people that you can be happy but still feel empty inside?

Some of us understand this completely. We are here holding space for you.

[LaughLoveLive]

'Happy' isn't the same as joyful or content. So I think that's why you can feel happy but still feel empty. Happiness is a temporary response to a situation, a fleeting emotion,  response to a moment or a thing or a situation. Joy and contentment come from feeling safe and secure and loved and is deeper than happiness. Happiness comes and goes. What we are seeking is joy and contentment I think, RCR has an article titled "Choose Joy" which talks about this.

You have unwittingly tapped into the very dilemma of the MLCer MBIB - replay is the attempt to chase fleeting happiness, thinking that's the answer to the emptiness inside. Unfortunately their behaviour steals away the secure joy and contenment we experienced in our relationships and it's really really hard work finding it again.

At Bd my H told me he felt like he had been just going through the motions, funnily enough that's how i felt for a long time after BD when I was doing the 'fake it til you make it' dance.

[Thunder]

MB, this is something I found a long time ago and wanted to share it with you.

Pleasure vs. Happiness

Happiness is not pleasure although they can appear similar. Pleasure is enjoyment of an outside stimuli. You might find pleasure in buying a new car, or in going on vacation, or having friends over for dinner, or having sex, or....the list is long on what you might enjoy experiencing. Pleasure requires an external stimuli for you to experience it. Happiness does not. Happiness is a belief about yourself and the outside world. You can be doing something you normally experience as pleasurable but not be happy! Pleasure is born from the external world, happiness is born from the internal workings of our own minds.

[hawk]

I actually remind myself that my w is really my ex now.
And l hate using the term ex it just isn't right l still think of her as my wife.
But l do try to use ex now to keep myself strong bc she made herself my ex and l don't believe she'll ever come back so ex somehow helps me cope.

GD and the house doesn't surprise me she runs deep your gd b and this will be with her for years sadly, with any kids but with her moreso is my guess.  And l'm sorry about the house to btw, l know how hard that decision is.
But sadly it's also about the family to and gd. here is something that might shed a little light . A few wks back l said to d l still don't know if we did the right thing selling it - but my d said, "we did dad"
It was really hard for her being there for me and her after the split and l saw it then and it broke my heart yet 3yrs later l can still see it and she tells me that. l'm glad it's gone and l'm glad she doesn't have to feel like that again.
But on the other side of the fence, l know also a lot of people here do keep the house so, maybe that was just my sitch.

l hope you make it through court ok anyway b, thank God we didn't go that way ourselves.

[Mitzpah]

MBIB,

Just following along and nodding my head.

I hate the fact that I am divorced. I go out of my way to avoid admitting it, unfortunately, I have to own up to it on official documents, it always has a bad taste. I need to file my taxes - first year as a divorced person - must stop this procrastination

My answer to the question - would you take him back? is always an emphatic YES!

The people around me, who know me, have given up talking about the subject They just kind of accept me and realize that I don't spend time bad mouthing my h. or playing the victim, so there is no fun to be had.

I really empathize with

The bottom line is that I simply miss my wife. I miss talking with her, I miss being with her, I miss going places with her, I miss her smile and her laugh and her touch, and I miss her caring and her concern and her love for me and our family. How do I change that?

I don't think you can change that.

It's a bit like missing a dead person, except you see them every now and again and that is what throws you for a while. 

And, that is why I continue to pray for my h.

Otherwise, life goes on - the sun is shining here