[MyBrainIsBroken]

I have a lot of catching up to do from my previous thread. I appreciate everyone's comments and I'll try to respond to some of those here.

Condensed Version of My Story
Like so many on here I believe my wife's MLC started long before BD.
We had a very close marriage, we did everything together, had an occasional rough spot but I thought we were both very happy.
A couple of years before BD my wife's father died.
He was a monster, both emotionally and physically abusive to wife and children.
My wife hated him so much we went to the funeral home so she could see that he was really dead.
My trauma therapist told me recently that she thinks that his death triggered the slow release of the childhood trauma buried deep within my wife.
She said she thinks it caused my wife to have what she described as a mental breakdown.
My wife was severely depressed from Dec. 2013 through April 2014.
I found out later that the alienator started pursuing her between Feb. and March 2014.
June 29, 2014 she told me she had a friend and their relationship had become sexual.
She said this wasn't about me, it was about her.
She said she didn't want to be a wife, mother, or grandmother, she wanted to be herself.
But she said she didn't know who she was.
She also said she didnt feel anything at all for me.
The rest of the story is typical MLC confusion and cycling but practically no angry monstering.
She still tries to be friendly with me and I went along with it for six months.
Now I try to avoid contact because any contact triggers my PTSD, causing severe dissociation.
I was served with divorce papers on New Year's Eve, 2014.
Since then I'm been experiencing more and more severe dissociation and depression.

We were married for 34 years before BD.
I "celebrated" our 35th annversary by myself.
Our 36th anniversary is next month but I don't know if we'll make it until then. Update: we made it, I think.
I have several unopened letters from my lawyer sitting on my desk so I might already be divorced.
We have two daughters, D32 and D35.
My wife and I raised GD14 and she lived with us until she was 10 so she seems more like a daughter than a granddaughter.
D32, GD14, GS10, and GS7 live 1 mile from us in a house I helped D32 buy.
D35, GD10, and GD7 live two hours away.

GD14 and my wife were like twins and D32 and my wife spent a lot of time together.
My wife still tries to have a relationship with them but they rarely see her or hear from her and she isn't there when they need her.
D32 hates the alienator because she worked for him 8 years ago.
She was married then and the alienator made her very uncomfortable by constantly hitting on her.
My wife said recently that D32 misunderstood the alienator; that he flirts with everyone, that's just how he is.
D32's husband was an emotionally manipulative serial cheater and killed himself 5 years ago, 2 days after she had him served with divorce papers.
D32 says the alienator is just like her deceased husband; he's also a lot like my wife's deceased father.
I wouldn't mind if the alienator killed himself.
D32 and GD14 have both been severely depressed since BD and are being treated for it.
D32 is also being treated for PTSD and GD14 is also being treated for severe anxiety.
GD14 has been struggling and has been hospitalized. She's being homeschooled now.


Links to first thread and previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5560.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7643.0

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Brilliant! Love it when RL makes you too busy for the forum!

Your date is GD14, right? 

Yes, LaughLoveLive, GD14 was my date tonight and she was an excellent choice. She's very good company and she enjoyed the evening. We went to the fire department's annual dinner. We live in a small town so this was a huge social event with the fire department, EMS squad, police department, local politicians, and local dignitaries all in attendance. I guess I'm part of the "in" crowd now.

We sat next to a woman who I knew from high school days. Actually, she knew me. I barely remembered her. She whispered to me that she has lost all respect for the man my wife is with. She said she saw them together at a grocery store in the small city that's about 15 miles away from us. Then she asked me if I was ok with the divorce and I told her no. She said "Really?" and I told her I'm not at all ok with the divorce or anything about the situation. She asked me if I'd take my wife back and she was somewhat disappointed in me when I told her I would. But it turns out that she's been divorced twice so I wouldn't expect her to understand why I would take my wife back.

[Reallytrying]

I bet you had the best date in the house. Your D and GD have been through a lot too. I'm so happy that you remain a positive presence in their life. I feel sorry for W that she is choosing to miss the opportunity to be there for them.

[Chookie]

Thanks for the reminder of your situation. Attaching! 

I bet you had the best date in the house. Your D and GD have been through a lot too. I'm so happy that you remain a positive presence in their life. I feel sorry for W that she is choosing to miss the opportunity to be there for them.

Ditto.

[hawk]

What a great date to take B. But if they invited all the dignitaries, l can't work out why Chookster and me didn't get an invo, weird. 

But l can see why she would be like that , it's pretty typical. l never really told anyone l would wait for her when l was, it's just not an understandable thing if your w or h has effd off with someone else.
Tbh , l couldn't even understand how l could even consider it myself except for that fact that a lot of our stuff was me in our last few yrs, that was the big difference.

[LaughLoveLive]

LOL hawk maybe you and chookie will get an invite to the next one!

An interesting night then MBIB
A nice time with GD
A different view from the old high school acquaintance
A different view of yourself as one of the "in" crowd, a contributing and appreciated member of your community

All in all a good night,I would say

[Chookie]

What a great date to take B. But if they invited all the dignitaries, l can't work out why Chookster and me didn't get an invo, weird. 

So weird!  Maybe not everyone thinks of a Chook and a Hawk as dignitaries, H! Pffftt!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Thanks for everyone sending warm wishes for the dinner and for all the nice comments afterwards. It was a nice evening but it was also bittersweet because GD14 enjoyed herself and I realized if my wife would have been there GD14 would not have been there. She's such a good girl. She sat between me and the woman I mentioned. This woman is a year or two younger than me but, unlike me, she acts her age so she must have seemed ancient to a 14 year old, yet GD14 sat there all night talking with this woman and enjoying every bit of it. She had a huge steak for dinner and ate every bit of it which is surprising because she eats even less than I do. And she seemed pleased that several people, including the woman sitting next to her, thought she was my daughter and were surprised to learn that she is my granddaughter. Afterwards she was even able to talk her grandpa into stopping at McDonald's for an ice cream cone which completed the evening for her.

It was also bittersweet because it ended with a reminder that GD14 is still fragile. She hasn't spent any time at my house in months but we came back here after the dinner because her mother went out to dinner and wasn't back yet. There was a small quilted blanket in the living room that one of my wife's friends had made and given to my wife but GD14 wasn't sure that's where it came from so she went searching on my wife's friends FB account. What she found was a conversation from several years ago in which my wife mentioned the OM's name. I think it was innocent at that time. She and her friend were discussing union business and he is the union president, but GD14 instantly fell apart and it took a while to get her to calm back down. 14 is a difficult age for them to have to be dealing with this crap. After she left I noticed the blanket was missing. I thought maybe she took it home with her but then I found that she had moved it up into a front bedroom where nobody goes any more. The bedroom used to be GD14's, then my wife fixed it up after BD so she could move into it and now GD14 stays away from it.

Thanks to UKStander and ReallyTrying for mentioning that they're interested in hearing those things that I used to be able to tell my wife about. The thing is they're mostly inconsequential but it was nice to have somebody to mention them to. Some examples:

When I was at the trauma therapists on Wednesday, as I was leaving she noticed her next appointment hadn't arrived so she asked me if I would come back in and do her a favor. She was receiving a social worker of the year award on Thursday and she wanted to know if I would listen to her acceptance speech and give her some feedback. I was honored that she asked me to do it and I thought it was interesting to learn who and what influenced her.

Thursday night I went to the Fire Hall for an annual physical exam. While I was there they test-fitted me for a mask for a SCBA outfit so now I'm certified to use and wear the SCBA outfit. Once I take the interior firefighter's course I'll be qualified to go into places any smart person would avoid. They did a pulmonary test as part of the fit test and the test showed that I have the lungs of a 38 year old.

Thanks for listening. I need to get some sleep now. I was out until 3am last night transporting an assault victim to the hospital and I had to be back to the ambulance garage by 9am for training. I've learned why I like the one EMT so much. We were talking about sleep last night and she said the only time she really feels awake is when she's riding in the ambulance.

[Medusa]

All sounds good, Brain.

Was the woman from HS hitting on you?

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Was the woman from HS hitting on you?

I don't know. I'm clueless about that sort of thing. I don't think I'd know unless she said hey, I'm hitting on you. Then I'd probably decide she was joking. But I did notice that she didn't say very much to me after I told her I would take my wife back.

What a great date to take B. But if they invited all the dignitaries, l can't work out why Chookster and me didn't get an invo, weird. 

I don't know what happened. I'm sure it must have been an oversight but I'm going to check with the Annual Dinner Committee and find out what happened. You have my word that heads will roll! 

Hawk wrote

l'm sorry to btw about the d proceeding to B . You know though , l can't help but wonder if w has actually agreed or is she just on the train ride right now and unsure where the brake is, maybe even thinking there isn't any brakes now.
Not saying she is , but l do wonder if she does want this moving right now.

I don't know what to think but I'm dreading the court hearing on Wednesday. Does anyone know if you can call in sick to court?

I talk with a lot of people who are divorced. The woman last night had been divorced twice. My brother is working on divorce number five. I was talking with a guy at the fire hall a few days ago who mentioned that he's been divorced for 9 years after his first wife changed overnight and left him. I've learned that my best friend's second wife was married to an MLCer. She didn't even know it but recognized it after I started telling her what I think is going on with my wife. Even on THS several of my friends are divorced and they say it's not that big a deal and several others are going through the process and looking forward to having it over with. I'm not there yet. I was looking at photos of our wedding day and my wife was so happy. How did we go from that to this?

I wouldn't be surprised to learn that my wife thinks she's doing me a favor by divorcing me. She knows I have too much integrity to date while we're still married. Maybe she thinks if she divorces me I'll start dating and then I can find happiness like she has. Pffft!

I saw the Psychiatrist on Friday. He's supposed to be an expert in treating PTSD with chemicals. He's not going to change the AD medicine I'm on. He told me he thinks I need to see my trauma therapist more than I need medication. I go back to see him again in a month. He told me if I start feeling unstable again I can call his office anytime.

The Psychiatrist asked me what I want medication to do for me. I couldn't answer him. I had no idea because there isn't any medication I can take that will end my wife's crisis. The Psychiatrist knows me pretty well after just one visit. What he actually asked me was what would I like the medicine to do for me other than to put me into a coma.

I realized later that what I need is a "give a $h!te" pill. I have a lot of stuff I should do that doesn't get done because I just don't care anymore. I'm behind on my bills again and I haven't done this year's income taxes. For the past couple of weeks I've been telling myself I need to see how much heating oil is left in the tank but I didn't care enough to do it. Saturday afternoon the furnace quit because it was out of fuel. And you know what? I still didn't care. I went to the gas station and bought a couple of gallons of diesel and put it in the tank and that should get me through until I can order a tank on Monday. And if it doesn't I'll deal with it.

I should probably get rid of this house. Nobody ever comes here anymore and after last night GD14 probably won't come here again. There are still too many triggers here for everyone but my wife doesn't want me to get rid of the house and it is comfortable here.

I must not be very smart because I can't understand divorce. For a while I was listening to these guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sXoA7B5yJo but now I'm leaning towards Evanescence again.

Sorry this isn't more positive. I think I got too much sleep last night. Time to go to church.