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Author Topic: My Story Catching Up, Still Confused

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My Story Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#120: April 23, 2016, 04:18:25 AM
Interesting grandma developments. Any movement is good, isn't it. 

How are you today, Brain?
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BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 2012, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. He moved in with OW in 10/14 and I heard little more. I instigated D in 2016.  He's still living in rental with OW and her D but the cracks are starting to appear.

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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#121: April 23, 2016, 08:59:28 AM
Thanks for asking cuz!  :)

I hate to complain but this morning's a bit difficult. I didn't sleep well last night because of the pain in my jaw. It's not really a toothache. When I get tense I clench my jaw and I think I grind my teeth at night. Then my jaw muscles spasm and the pain radiates into my teeth, my ear, and all the way down the side of my head. Acetaminophen seems to be helping and I'm icing and heating it. Xanax helps at night but puts me to sleep so I don't dare to take it during the day. I've been thinking of going to urgent care but all they could do is give me a muscle relaxer and that will make me sleepy too. Sorry about the complaints. Nobody in RL even knows my jaw hurts.

I've been thinking about the guy we raced to the hospital yesterday. One of my EMT friends shared something on FB yesterday that said something like this.

Quote
Saying EMTs and firefighters aren't affected by what they see and do is like saying somebody can walk through water without getting wet.

The things I see and do don't really bother me. Bad things happen and somebody needs to be there and I'm proud that it can be me. But they sometimes make me think. I live in a small town so quite often I know the people we're transporting. I went to school with the guy we transported yesterday. He was three years younger than me and he and my younger brother were good friends. He was really popular; easygoing, good looking, and a talented musician. I lost touch with him over the years and I didn't know much about his life until a couple of months ago. His house is just around the corner from D32's and the street was filled with cops and fire trucks when his house was raided and he was arrested for running a meth lab. When we picked him up yesterday he was back home living alone while awaiting trial. Nobody had heard from him for a couple of days. He'd been lying on the floor for an unknown amount of time and was hypothermic among other things. We wanted too fly him to the city but the bird wasn't available so we transported him to our local hospital. He was still alive when we left the ER but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he didn't make it.

It's a shame he's ended up the way he has. He obviously made some bad choices and now they've caught up with him. OTOH, I tried to do all of the right things yet here I am, 57yo, living by myself and alone most of the time and I could understand it if my wife had died but I still can't wrap my mind around this.

I think it's possible that my wife spending more time with the family could be a good sign. Or not. The last two times I spoke with my wife she made a point of telling me she's not on FB anymore because she can't handle the drama. I agreed that there's a lot of drama but I told her I've been on it quite a bit because I'm friends on FB now with a lot of my friends from the fire department and ambulance squad. This morning I noticed she had liked something D32 just posted so it looks like she's back on FB. Does it mean anything? Who knows? It could be hopeful but I'm afraid to have hope now that I'm just 54 days from DDay. But I had a good cry when I saw it and that made my jaw feel a little better.

I'd better get my day started. I'm driving to the city today and staying overnight so I can be there early in the morning to run the half marathon. And some good news. I have my online course ready for next week so I'm off for the rest of the week.

Thanks for being my online therapy group. Sorry about the long answer to your short question UKS.
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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#122: April 23, 2016, 09:09:18 AM
It's possible it is not a toothache...look up trigeminal neuralgia because your symptoms sound somewhat like this condition.

Sorry you are having pain.  :'(
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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#123: April 23, 2016, 09:54:24 AM
You might to try a sleep guard - it is to prevent you from grinding your teeth.
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We all do damage. Character is determined by how we repair it.


BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor

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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#124: April 23, 2016, 03:46:48 PM
On the jaw front, I would suggest just working on the muscles in your shoulders and back, in order to release the neck/jaw ones. I used to get 'jaw ache' and it was just caused by tension, I'm sure of it, as I don't get it at all now that I don't get the same stresses at work. If necessary, do the old raising both shoulders - and hold - exercise. And then perhaps some more arm circling. Pilates is a tremendous thing, too...

Hope you get rid of it soon, Brain. It can be exhausting.

Would love to come ride on the ambulance with you all one day. I think it would put things in perspective for me, and show me how lucky I am . . .

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BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 2012, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. He moved in with OW in 10/14 and I heard little more. I instigated D in 2016.  He's still living in rental with OW and her D but the cracks are starting to appear.

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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#125: April 23, 2016, 05:52:02 PM
Mbib
 I was going to suggest a night guard also
I have the same problem when I'm stressed they help
My dentist thought at first was TMJ  but the night guards do help
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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#126: April 23, 2016, 08:18:38 PM
Thank you for all of the tips. I went to Urgent Care today and got a prescription for a muscle relaxer which I'm not going to start until tomorrow so that I don't sleep through my race. UKS is right about the tension being in my entire upper body but the worst of it is in my TMJ. I'll survive.

They're going to have free massages tomorrow at the finish line so now I have a good reason to run fast. Get there early and beat the crowds.  :)

Our patient from yesterday morning was airlifted to the stroke center in the city but he didn't make it.

Time for me to get to bed. Tomorrow's half marathon starts at 0730.
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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#127: April 23, 2016, 08:39:17 PM
I'm glad you went to urgent care. Jaw pain can be indicative of so many things. I am so so sorry that the patient didn't make it. It has to be much worse when it's someone you've known.

Good luck for the race tomorrow - enjoy the free massage.
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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#128: April 24, 2016, 09:04:43 AM
Report back on the half marathon - and whether the massage helped! 

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BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 2012, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. He moved in with OW in 10/14 and I heard little more. I instigated D in 2016.  He's still living in rental with OW and her D but the cracks are starting to appear.

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Re: Catching Up, Still Confused
#129: April 24, 2016, 09:47:45 PM
It was a good race. I averaged 7:47 per mile for 13.1 miles which placed me 8th in my age group out of 78 and 189th overall out of 2111. I told my brother later today that I need to start looking at things differently. I look at those numbers and I see the 7 in my age group and the 188 overall who finished ahead of me without paying much attention to the 70 in my age group and over 1900 overall who finished behind me.

The massage was great. There were two pretty girls giving massages and one big. muscular guy and I got the guy.  :(  Probably just as well as he was very good. Everyone was having their legs massaged but my legs were fine so he massaged my shoulders and neck for me. He found a lot of knots. It hurt really good. He'd ask does this hurt and I'd answer yes it does, don't stop. I don't know if it was the run or the massage but for several hours the pain in my jaw and teeth went away. It's back again but not as severe. Tonight I'm going to take the muscle relaxer before I go to bed. I have two alarms clocks set to make sure I don't oversleep.

My wife seems to have gotten over being unable to handle all of the drama on FB. My brother posted a picture of the start of the race and commented wishing me good luck. My wife liked his post and also commented good luck. I would be encouraged by that if she weren't divorcing me. It always comes back to that.
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