Author Topic: My Story Coming to the Conclusion that it May Be All Over  (Read 3019 times)

Offline LearningIamOk

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My Story Re: Coming to the Conclusion that it May Be All Over
« Reply #70 on: January 25, 2019, 03:36:20 PM »
Wow! You got an apology?! Those are few and far between. I haven't seen my xH since our D's wedding almost 2 1/2 years ago. He will never, NEVER apologize to me. He holds me completely accountable for his unhappiness. And now he has the OW of his dreams that he blew up our M for. A woman that everyone who meets her shakes their head and says "WTF?!".

And I have a wonderful man in my life, for 6 years now, that everyone loves including my kids. They love their dad, but wish he could've been like my boyfriend. My S33 says he knew something was wrong with his dad when he realized he didn't have a record collection from growing up in the 70's. Music is so important to S.

Online Treasur

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Re: Coming to the Conclusion that it May Be All Over
« Reply #71 on: January 25, 2019, 11:57:59 PM »
Welcome to the sunshine.

Thanks!  It is so glad to be back.  I forgot that I am actually a naturally happy and relaxed person there for a while.  haha

One more thing that your post made me think of - it's odd but a lot of you mention how your MLC spouse eventually comes around.  Mine did finally come around and apologized - like a real, adult apology.  It floored me.  I do not understand this culture and our glorification of youth that leads to the MLC but it is creepy how similar our stories all are.

How long did it take her to apologise, Viking? How long has it been, about 3-4 years since her crisis started? And does she now seem less MLC and more 'normal' her when/if you interact?  How does she feel about her new life vs old life now?

I wonder if it is less about a culture of youth but also a growing social culture of narcissism actually. Posing on social media, lots of me me enititlement and find your bliss no matter what. Having said that, I don't think the culture causes MLC or depression - it's a personal crisis - but RL cultural norms probably enable it sometimes perhaps.

Glad to hear you and your kids are doing ok. I think many of us loved our pre-crisis spouse very much but after a few years of batsnot bonkers as UM would say, it is hard to remember what that was like or respect them.  It must be very nice to have a relationship with a nice sane grownup person  :)
« Last Edit: January 26, 2019, 12:03:05 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: Coming to the Conclusion that it May Be All Over
« Reply #72 on: January 26, 2019, 05:39:36 AM »
Hi ak, I am so happy for you!

You are out of, and away from, all that darkness now.  It takes us awhile but we do gain the strength to put ourselves first.

I wish you nothing but happiness and thank you for coming back and updating us.
It's nice to read a success story.   :)

Goes to show you, you CAN be happy after a divorce.  You CAN find a normal, loving, adult partner who will treat you better than you ever were treated by your MLCer.
Don't be afraid to take that leap, if you need to.  You could fine true happiness.

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: A Message of Hope - Life after the Unthinkable
« Reply #73 on: January 27, 2019, 06:44:00 AM »
Where to start?  Wow!  It has been a ride.  My wife started to go through her MLC years ago (probably started around 2013 to be honest) and it finally came to a head in 2016.  I wrote quite a few posts at that time as I was trying to make sense of why a grown woman with two kids and a house would blow her life up for no conceivable reason.  Obviously I've learned a lot since then and most of that is thanks to all the great comment on this site.

Same here, my ex threw away a nice home where we lived with our two daughters.

I did not want to get a divorce.  I wanted to keep my marriage and family together.  I believed at the time, and still do now, that my entire family (my kids, my spouse, and myself) would be better off if we were all together and working hard to have a nice life together.  I do not think that the problems between my ex-wife and I were irreconcilable.  BUT - and this is an important lesson to us all, but especially those of us married to MLCers - just because something is not the best situation doesn't mean that you can't be happy, peaceful, self-confident, and content.  In fact in some ways I have to admit that I am actually happier now than I was in my marriage. 

Neither than I. I was willing to live in a so-so marriage if it meant keeping the family together. Like you, mine started in 2010, lasted until 2013 when we divorced. I was distraught at how my entire life went from being content to completely upside down.

I found a special lady and we dated for four years before we got married. It isn't perfect and we have our moments. (I drive her practical, logical, pragmatic brain crazy!) But I am more excited and happy then I have been in a long time.

My girls are grown, but just young adults.

I was amazed at how much you put up with and I truly am glad you made it through your tunnel of darkness to find a better world for you and your girls.


"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline akjomsvikingTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Coming to the Conclusion that it May Be All Over
« Reply #74 on: March 07, 2019, 05:53:39 PM »
How long did it take her to apologise, Viking? How long has it been, about 3-4 years since her crisis started? And does she now seem less MLC and more 'normal' her when/if you interact?  How does she feel about her new life vs old life now?

Sorry that I'm responding to this so late, but for some reason I'm not getting notifications from this forum.  I'll have to check on that!

It took her about a year, but in that time she went through a significant personal crisis and I think that accelerated things for her.  When I talk to her now she seems more relaxed, less manic.  Of course I'm only dealing with her for a few minutes at a time.  But she is definitely a different person.  If I met her now I wouldn't be attracted to her in the slightest but she at least acts her age, and that is a HUGE improvement over what was happening while she was in the thick of it.
2 Children
1st BD: May 2013
Reconciled Sept 2013
2nd BD: Oct 2015
Separation: Nov 2016
Dissolution: March 2017


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