Author Topic: My Story Confusion over my approach 2  (Read 3795 times)

Offline Samurai

  • MLCer Type: Low-Energy
  • Sr. Member
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  • Posts: 334
  • Gender: Male
My Story Re: Confusion over my approach 2
« Reply #20 on: March 09, 2017, 01:24:09 PM »
Try to focus on the little progress she makes, not what you would like to happen. 2-3 years minimum as they say.
It looks like you are doing fine paving the path.
Me 42
W42 - Wallower
Married 11 years
BD - October 2015 ILYBINILWY
S9 D7
OM - Yes, EA, ended in early 2016
Separated in June 2018

Offline PacificLoveTopic starter

  • Jr. Member
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  • Posts: 94
  • Gender: Male
Re: Confusion over my approach 2
« Reply #21 on: March 09, 2017, 05:16:00 PM »
Try to focus on the little progress she makes, not what you would like to happen. 2-3 years minimum as they say.

Thanks this is good advice... so when does it really start? I attribute the start with her change in appearance and friends ~fall of 2014 so we are about 2.5 years in....?
Me: 39 W: 45
T: 12, M: 10
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/3/16
EA/PA Discovered (ex-Boss) 3/23/16
EA/confronted admitted 3/25/16
W Moved out 3/30/16

Offline Not Your Monkey

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
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  • Posts: 2091
  • Gender: Female
Re: Someone stop me...
« Reply #22 on: March 09, 2017, 08:57:23 PM »
The other thing is Pac you have no idea what she is feeling.  She could feel the guilt but not letting you see it.
Don't assume anything.

I know this is an old post but this is such a true statement. Yesterday I had a conversation with OW and discovered H may be a lot further along in having doubts and regrets about everything than he is letting on to me. From what she told me, he's apparently having doubts about his core reason for the entire MLC. And that I did NOT expect or imagine even.
Beware fellow LBSes serving Kool-Aid. You will attract many who will tell you what you want to hear, but it may be very very far from the truth.

Offline PacificLoveTopic starter

  • Jr. Member
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  • Posts: 94
  • Gender: Male
Re: Confusion over my approach 2
« Reply #23 on: March 21, 2017, 04:18:21 PM »
It's so true I have no idea what she is feeling. I also don't know what she is up to and her behavior has recently become suspicous again.

I do believe she's either in Replay but more likely Re-connection as she's starting to do things for me and the family again. We are having in-depth conversations but I've realized I've been pushy at times which is likely pushing her away and potentially back into the alienator's arms.

I'm contemplating having a boundaries discussion with her around trust - I've caught her in a few lies in the past 2 weeks. I don't plan to confront her on those - but thinking something more along the lines of:

"I realize that reconciliation of our M is not on your mind right now, but if we are to be friends with each other we need to start trusting each other as friends and sharing with each other. That includes any ugly truths we might have or any deception being conveyed. These will be important steps for us going forward as we co-parent our daughter and help serve build on the foundation and repair of trust that has been fractured. Any deception or lies right now will only add fuel to the fire if uncovered or unearthed down the road and feed speculation"

Thoughts?
Me: 39 W: 45
T: 12, M: 10
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/3/16
EA/PA Discovered (ex-Boss) 3/23/16
EA/confronted admitted 3/25/16
W Moved out 3/30/16

 

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