Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 11712 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« on: May 20, 2016, 01:29:52 PM »
Well I've finally reached a new thread. Who's to say if that is a good thing or not. I will say that I have learned a lot on this journey and have become a better person for it. The title of my thread is from a song and pretty straightforward. These MLCr's find themselves out on a limb.

My story:
M: 35
W: 41
BD: June 2014 (OM #1 and #2)
W moved out: Nov 2015
On OM #3 - Evidently this ones a keeper for now.

I have found that I have finally LET GO. I still love her and I know that deep down she loves me but there is a lot of work to be done on her part. She has showed a few signs of creeping out of the tunnel but that tunnel is like a vacuum and sucks you right back in. I guess we see which way to go from here.

Cheers!!!

Previous Thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6811.0
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 12:29:09 PM by Thunder »

Offline Elegance

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2016, 01:33:35 PM »
Welcome to your new thread Beacon. - Attaching

Offline stayed

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2016, 03:47:42 PM »
Following along Beacon of Hope... you are  wonderful person and your spouse has a lot to lose.  I so hope she can pull her head out of the sand and see for herself.  She is going to have many regrets.

Good for you, letting go sounds all wrong but most everything about MLC is counterintuitive. Stay strong! 

Hugs Stayed
Married 41yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
"We believe marriage is sacred, but it is not our job to save marriages; it is our goal to empower each of you to save your own marriage."

Stayed Husband Letter
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
LBS SCRIPT

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2016, 03:58:21 PM »
Thank you for following along with me on this journey. I just feel like at this point it's best she knows I am not available. I tried the compassionate approach which was helpful for me at the time. We were able to keep communicating and occasionally got together. However after today I realize that is too much for me. To allow her to come around and use me as a sounding board for her problems was not healthy for me. I think it's time she knows what it feels to live with her decisions. Maybe before I was scared of letting go but now I am not and I feel comfortable with my decision. I mean what's the worst that could happen? I could lose her? too late I already have. So onward I go to continue to find myself and find the happiness within.

Thank you all for the support.

Offline stayed

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2016, 04:21:30 PM »
[quote authoBeacon Of Hope link=topic=7825.msg507074#msg507074 date=1463785101]
I think it's time she knows what it feels to live with her decisions. Maybe before I was scared of letting go but now I am not and I feel comfortable with my decision. I mean what's the worst that could happen? I could lose her? too late I already have. So onward I go to continue to find myself and find the happiness within.

[/quote]

Bingo!  It's so hard to get it, but that really is the bottom line... "what is the worst that can happen?  You could lose her!"  Already happened, the only place this relationship can go now, is DONE... or... UP!  Whatever you have now is going to be brand new... with her or with somebody else. 

Way to go Beacon... you have figured out the puzzle.  There will still be bad days but at least now you understand where you are.

Hugs :) Stayed
« Last Edit: May 20, 2016, 04:22:41 PM by stayed »
Married 41yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
"We believe marriage is sacred, but it is not our job to save marriages; it is our goal to empower each of you to save your own marriage."

Stayed Husband Letter
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
LBS SCRIPT

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2016, 06:27:45 AM »
Thank you stayed,

I am not sure why it took me so long to realize this but I am glad I did. She can have OM # 3 and live with those choices but she wont be allowed to come to me and tell me how miserable she is and how much she misses me. I sent her that message yesterday saying I have boxes of your stuff still when is a good time to drop them off. I believe she got the hint that I was done with the BS and wanted her stuff out. I was short and direct with her and am waiting for a reply as to when I can drop her stuff off. I feel like once I do that I can fully detach.

One day at a time.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2016, 06:49:23 AM »
Beacon,

You sound good!

Why are you dropping off her things?  Why not have her come and get them herself?
Just curious.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stayed

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2016, 07:36:35 AM »
Good for you Beacon.  Time to take the JOY back and get on living your life.  If she returns before you have found another, LOVELY!  You can look at your situation at that time.  It would be the same as pursuing a new R anyway. 

You are doing great girl. Keep posting, we are here for you.  Hugs Stayed
Married 41yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
"We believe marriage is sacred, but it is not our job to save marriages; it is our goal to empower each of you to save your own marriage."

Stayed Husband Letter
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
LBS SCRIPT

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2016, 07:39:50 AM »
Thanks Thunder I know I certainly feel better.

As far as dropping her stuff off its mostly because if I don't she won't come get it. It's been in my living room since she moved out I kinda just want it gone. So I think it's easier to drop it off plus it gave me the excuse to send her that message which I hope conveyed the message that I'm fed up.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2016, 07:52:32 AM »
I understand Beacon.  Sometimes we have to initiate things.  They do think they can use us as a storage place for their things.

I know one person who rented a storage locker, put all her H's stuff in it, paid the first months rent and then told him where everything was and said it was up to him to either go get his things or pay for the rental after the month was over.

I chuckled.  Thought it was a great idea.  It was out of her hair and made him responsible for his things.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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