Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 11710 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2016, 12:01:52 PM »
Thunder - That is a great idea. Luckily it's only like 5 boxes of stuff. Something I can easily throw in the car and dump on her front porch. She has yet to respond so I will give it until the end of the weekend and follow up.

Stayed - I just read your H's letter today and it was very enlightening. When I look at the situation it couldn't be more true. She is living in a fantasy world, even her sisters and mother have said that to me. I have made it so I can't see her posts on FB which has been super helpful, I suppose I should have done that a long time ago but I guess I wanted to check up on her status at times. So now I don't have to have the emotional rollercoaster by seeing her ridiculous posts about her fantasy life. Because deep down I know she is miserable and like your H said in his letter. When your alone and your thoughts take over and reality hits you try and run from it by staring in your movie again.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2016, 08:17:15 AM »
Hi Beacon,

Attaching.....

I had a similar discussion with my IC a couple of weeks ago prior to going off on a weekend away by myself (OK, I had my dog too) but the "What's she going to do if I quit trying to read her mind? Leave me? Too late!" and basically concluded that I have nothing left to loose. House is sold and we are living apart. I see my kids about 50% of the time +/- a bit depending on our schedules & plans. Bottom line is there is nothing more that she CAN do so .... I can be free to be who I am with her and anyone else and THAT is the ultimate liberation.....

Good for you Beacon.  Time to take the JOY back and get on living your life.  If she returns before you have found another, LOVELY!  You can look at your situation at that time.  It would be the same as pursuing a new R anyway. 

You hit it right on the head Stayed.... Time to GAL and, if things work out, the MLC'er exits the tunnel for real, and we, as LBS, are still available AND we again find find the person attractive (in whatever way/shape/form that takes), then great. We can see where to go from there...

UM
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2016, 09:23:57 AM »
Hi Ursa thank you for stopping in and good points indeed. I think I was getting too excited by her connections with me. I guess I thought it meant more but now I realize it doesn't matter when or if she is ever ready she will have to prove that. I think reading Stayed H's letter really helped me grasp that.

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2016, 03:49:54 PM »
So after my message to my W about me dropping off her boxes of stuff I got no response all weekend. Sunday night she sent me a friendly message about a show we watch. So this morning at work she sends me an e-mail saying she has some of my stuff in her car if I wanted to get it out. I'm not sure if she was trying to get back at me for me telling her about her stuff or what. I responded with I will use my key and get the stuff out and then leave my key in your glove box. I think that upset her because by me having one of her car keys I guess means I'm still here. I also noticed when I saw her at work that she is no longer wearing her wedding rings. I got upset by that because she has worn them up until today. So I don't know I am still holding strong on my decision to detach and let her live with her decisions it's just been a tough day.

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2016, 08:01:28 AM »
So today after inquiring about dropping off her stuff I learn that she is bringing OM on a very expensive vacation for his birthday. All expenses paid by her of course (As if she has that kind of money)  ::)  His birthday also marks their year of knowing each other/ being together I suppose. Although many months of them being together she was still living at our house.

So she said I could drop the stuff off tomorrow. I really don't even want to see her at this point I would rather just drop the stuff off when she isn't home. It makes me sick that she is going to blow her whole paycheck on trying to impress this guy. I guess I am a little angry with the whole situation which is why I am venting. This is a vacation spot we had tried to arrange to go on for the past two years we were together however with our schedules it never worked out. Now she is bringing him there. Oh well I guess she can enjoy her time there but don't come back wanting to cry on my shoulder about how miserable you are.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2016, 08:12:15 AM »
Beacon,

Stay strong.  You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Get your things and leave her the key.  Hey, maybe you can also put her boxes in the car.
Let her take them out.   :)

Kill 2 birds with one stone.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2016, 08:25:24 AM »
Thank you Thunder,

Lord knows I'm trying not to let this anger get the best of me. I'm going to bike today and burn off some anger. It just makes no sense to me. The times we spent together the last few months where she has just crumbled in my arms in absolute sadness and saying how miserable she is , then you go and do this. 

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2016, 08:28:50 AM »
She's still baking, Beacon.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2016, 08:31:59 AM »
Well she needs a new oven because hers must be broken.  :D

Offline Blue Freedom

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2016, 09:18:41 AM »
Beacon,

I've just been catching up on your new thread. Our situations with our W's seem so similar. I'm so impressed with the boundaries you are setting. It takes a lot of strength to move forward.

I'm learning a little more everyday not to try to read into W's behavior, especially the new tearful her. I was wanting to think that the softer side meant something, but I'm learning it is just a point in the cycle. I'm feeling stronger the better I get with a kind, firm and neutral stance. It also seems to helping that my clinging boomerang left the country for a week.

You are an impressive person. Hang it there.

 

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