Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 14802 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #110 on: June 04, 2017, 06:57:41 AM »
Had an interesting interaction yesterday with W. We had a benefit for a co worker and I went. Well W showed up as well with OM and S9 and S16. I don't think W knew I was going which is fine. The kids saw me and came and gave me a huge hug which was awesome.

The interesting part is that since BD I have never seen W and OM together and honestly most people at work are for some reason under the assumption W and I are still together. So it was uncomfortable for me that she was parading him around. I didn't make any attempt to approach them. Eventually W came over and made small talk in which I was friendly but not overly talkative. She kept coming over and trying to make conversation which was almost annoying.

Mind you it was a family event and I was with a group of friends and one of them said OMG that guy is taking his shirt off and they were making fun of him. I turned around and it was OM showing off a huge tattoo on his back. I was almost embarrassed for them.  8)

Anyway they ended up leaving and W text a friend and asked her to make sure I got home ok. Weird!!!

Other than that the day was ok I thought I handled myself well. I didn't talk bad about OM to friends or anything like that. I just tried to remain chipper and positive.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #111 on: June 04, 2017, 07:20:48 AM »
Good job, Beacon!

Proud of you.   ;D

Of course you got home ok.  What did she think you would run off a cliff?
Nah, OM's not worth it.  Beacon is moving forward with his life, thank you very much.   :)

Nice the kids gave you a big hug!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #112 on: June 04, 2017, 07:24:35 AM »
Thanks thunder,

I felt pretty good about how I handled myself and how I didn't let it affect me afterwords. I was glad the kids spent quite a bit of time with me at the event.

I know I thought it was odd that she sent that text. Last time I checked I was a responsible adult and was able to get home.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #113 on: June 15, 2017, 04:45:18 PM »
Just wanted to stop in and drop a book recommendation. I know we LBS are prone to anxiety and I've always suffered from anxiety since a young adult. I found "The fear and anxiety" solution book very helpful for me to work through a lot of my anxiety that stems from my spouse's MLC. Hopefully it can help someone else too.

http://spiritualityhealth.com/reviews/fear-anxiety-solution

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #114 on: October 25, 2017, 01:55:05 PM »
It's been a few months since I posted, I have been reading others posts from time to time but didn't really think there was anything new and exciting to post on my front.

It has been quiet with my W up until this week. To make a long story short I met up with W and S10 per his request. We had a good time and although it was awkward at first between W and I we eventually started talking up a storm. It's really hard to say if she has made any movement through this tunnel but she seemed a bit more relaxed and settled down if that makes sense. I enjoyed the outing and spending time with both of them however its now a couple days later and I have had mixed feelings. I love my W still very much and am standing still or I don't think I would be here posting.

My question is: is it normal to have these mixed feelings of I couldn't care one way or another if I get back together with her. I feel this is probably due to "Successfully detaching" but I guess I just wonder if this is normal. I have seen some positive changes in both myself and my W however I almost feel like I'm at the point where it may not matter too much longer.

I haven't dated because quite honestly I am happy with this ME time. We have been physically separated for 2 years as of this month and although I can't tell what the situation is with OM I can say they still do not live together and he isn't involved much in the kids lives. I feel she still loves me because I can see it in her eyes.

I guess I just need to keep taking it a day at a time but sometimes I just have to vent.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #115 on: October 26, 2017, 05:12:43 AM »
Quote
My question is: is it normal to have these mixed feelings of I couldn't care one way or another if I get back together with her. I feel this is probably due to "Successfully detaching" but I guess I just wonder if this is normal. I have seen some positive changes in both myself and my W however I almost feel like I'm at the point where it may not matter too much longer.

I expect that the answer is "Yes, it is normal." but it sure doesn't make it any less thought-provoking...

I also wonder if this borderline indifference is what provokes the Mid-Lifer to actually DO something.. I mean, that has to be the ultimate slap to the anchor check - you get the obvious impression that the anchor is no longer there... that HAS to scare the beejeebies out of them... 

That feeling of indifference is also, however, scary for us as it leads us to question our commitment to our Mid-Lifer.... If we no longer care if they come back or not, then what is the point of standing further?  Is it because the Mid-Lifer is still in a place where we are not interested in them? Have they come through the tunnel but we are not interested int eh person they have become? Has the pain we have suffered been enough to kill off any remaining desire for our former partner?

It opens up a WHOLE lotta questions...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #116 on: October 26, 2017, 07:13:46 AM »
It is thought provoking for sure. When I was with my W that day it felt like old times and it was easy to talk with her. I even slipped and called her honey one time.

I think the feeling of indifference is a mechanism I've learned to protect myself from attachment. I also agree with your suggestion that it is because the MLCr is not at a place in which we are interested in. I think that is the case in my situation, for the past 2 years we have gotten together every now and again and she wasn't fully cooked so I think to myself how is this time different.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #117 on: October 30, 2017, 06:15:33 PM »
This is such a long road, Beacon.

You sound good so keep moving along.  If she catches up with you some day down the road, then you can decide what is best for you.  You have time on your side.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #118 on: November 09, 2017, 02:40:20 PM »
Today I thought a lot of my W and I, after all this time apart and her being with AP it really surprises me that I can still sit here and think of what went wrong. In my thoughts I realized nothing went wrong. Our relationship was great until the very end. We were best friends and had something I believe to be special. I realize that our relationship never went wrong and that is what keeps me standing.

What went wrong is my W lost her way. And to me that is ok. Sometimes people need to lose their way to find it again. I've found that I have forgiven and I'm no longer angry toward her for being lost. I know for certain she is getting or going to get something out of this process. It takes time and although I'm not waiting, I am enjoying life.

I have never learned so much about me and life throughout this process so in a way I thank her for giving me this opportunity. To anyone standing keep your head up, if it's still early on for you I can assure you that you will find peace.

 :)

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #119 on: December 06, 2018, 12:32:41 PM »
Beacon, you are now officially light purple!

Congrats and I wish you 2 the best of luck.  Everything is going in the right direction.

Stay strong..and patient, of course.
Keep us updated.

 :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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