Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 11713 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2016, 10:53:21 AM »
Thanks for stopping in Blue,

Yes our W's do sound very similar and are also at the same age. The age thing for my W was a huge deal, that stigma of turning 40 broke the camels back. Like your W mine also is obsessed with vanity issue and has even gotten into botox. My W also said a million times when asked what she wanted "I dont know". So yes our W's are very similar.

It has certainly taken me a long time (2 years) to learn how to detach and implement boundaries. I understand you are fairly new to this MLC crap but you certainly sound like you have a good understanding about what is going on and how to handle it.

Thank you for your kind words and enjoy your time while your clinger is away  ;D

Offline Jaybeecee

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2016, 12:16:45 PM »
Thank you Thunder,

Lord knows I'm trying not to let this anger get the best of me. I'm going to bike today and burn off some anger. It just makes no sense to me.

I run with a group of friends, we are all slow, so we call ourselves the turtles.  The turtles know about my MLCer so when I say I need to burn off the crazy, they know I will be setting a new speed record for me and to just let me go.
Me 43
H 42
OW 10/16/15
BD 01/16 ILYBINILWY
S 13, S 11
Divorce final 8/24/16
xH marries OW 10/14/16

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #22 on: May 25, 2016, 02:03:45 PM »
Jaybeecee,

The turtles is a great name. It's good that you have a group of friends to run with. It's healthy to run off the anger. I biked 15 miles today so obviously I had quite a bit of it to burn off  ;D I admit I do feel much better now.

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2016, 10:04:23 AM »
Went for bike ride this morning and ended up doing 20 miles which felt great. Sent a message to W this morning about a show that we both watch and kept the conversation very short. Have been keeping myself pretty busy with exercise and the continuous work on the house. I have started to go out with friends more which has been fun. I'd say it is too keep my mind off things but quite honestly I have been doing very good with not allowing the antics to get to me. I know she is going on her romantic vacation this week with OM for his birthday and honestly I am not even upset about it. Mostly because I know she has been miserable all weekend long and looked like crap at work. So obviously something is weighing heavy on her. Anyways I just enjoying life and doing things for me. Hope everyone had a great weekend.  ;D

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2016, 06:27:56 PM »
Ok a few things have transpired that I wish to share. First my SIL asked if I would come up to visit everyone. I asked if my W was coming and she said no we didn't even invite her. I kind of feel a little weird about this. I would love to see MIL and in laws however I feel that it would be a big blow for W knowing I was up there and she wasnt even invited. Thoughts?

Second, W sent me a few messages today and I don't know why I responded with this message but I did it. I told her "Just so you know I have always believe in you". She replied with "Thank you, it means a lot to me". I dont know why I felt I needed to say all that but it just came out.


Offline Blue Freedom

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2016, 07:00:22 PM »
Hi Beacon,

My in laws see W's selfish and self-centered behaviors for what they are. My FIL said to me yesterday, "Family is the most valuable thing we have, and I've seen you as my son for 20 years and I can't turn that off because my daughter is being destructive." I don't see it as taking sides, but as a family how do we support one another and stand up for what we believe and what is true. My W wants to rewrite history and it makes me feel good that even her family says "no, that story isn't true." I don't what my W to feel isolated, but I also don't want her story to be supported because it isn't real. Beacon maybe your family wants to support what is real, good and right rather than one person over another, and any pain your W my feel is pain and distance her own behaviors have created.

As for what you shared with her, I would say that you were coming from a loving supportive place and you have to trust that solid place in yourself. You sound like you are in a good place and good good things. You're a great example for me.

Blue
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 07:01:54 PM by Blue Freedom »

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2016, 04:40:05 AM »
My in laws see W's selfish and self-centered behaviors for what they are. My FIL said to me yesterday, "Family is the most valuable thing we have, and I've seen you as my son for 20 years and I can't turn that off because my daughter is being destructive."

That is almost exactly what my MIL told me last time I was up visiting. She said "You can come up whenever you want, with or without W, we love you as a daughter and that doesn't change because W is being an A$$"

I guess I would just feel almost bad for W knowing that her own mother would rather have me up there visiting and not her. She already has abandonment issues stemming from her mother and I just think that would be a huge blow.

As far as what I told her about believing in her, it's just something I thought she needed to hear at that moment. I wasn't expecting her to come running back to me at all I just wanted her to know that.

Thank you for your kind words blue. You are doing a great job interacting with your MLC crazed W.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2016, 04:47:24 AM »
You know Beacon, sometimes we have to follow our gut.

If you felt she needed to hear that, then no harm done.
A few times I went against the grain and said something I felt like saying because it felt right.

We have no script to follow.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BeaconTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2016, 05:03:05 AM »
I agree Thunder and I feel good about it today mostly because I didn't have any expectations. I think if I were to have told her that and expected her to coming running home I would have been disappointed. The good news is I actually feel better about myself now knowing that I had no expectations after 2 years. That is a sign of progress.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #29 on: May 31, 2016, 05:05:24 AM »
YES, it sure is progress!   ;D

It feels good to get to that point.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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