Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 14781 times)

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #60 on: June 14, 2016, 10:39:52 AM »
Thank you Jay and UM for your kind words. My W and I went to the candlelight vigil together and it was really nice to have the support of the community. After the vigil we went to dinner and I just let her talk and mostly listened. She left her phone alone the whole time and told me that she "got rid of OM". I know her intentions are good but I will certainly have to wait and see how that goes, she was infatuated with him for a year so I know that just "getting rid" of him isn't going to be an overnight process. We did not talk much about him but she did bring that one statement up and I really did not respond at all. At the end of the night she gave me a hug and a kiss and she went home. It was overall a nice night and I will continue to doing what is best for me. I do see progress but I am definitely going to take my time with this.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #61 on: June 17, 2016, 04:06:49 PM »
Just a little update. Things seem to be going ok as far as my W being consistent. She asked if I wanted to go to the movies today with S9 and her. We ended up having a nice lunch and movie. I have noticed some positive changes in her. I am certainly still hesitant as I am familiar with the touch and goes. We have talked every day this week and she has certainly showed an effort. She did say she got rid of OM however I am sure he is still applying some emotional blackmail to suck her back in. That is not my problem and something she needs to deal with. Her mother and sister are coming down tomorrow to visit me and I am hoping that my W comes over with the boys. I think that will be a good test for her. She has not spoken with her family but mostly because I think she feels ashamed of her behavior. So if she does agree to come over perhaps she can start to work on those issues she has had with her relationship with her family. For now just going one day at a time and continuing to GAL.

Offline Elegance

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #62 on: June 17, 2016, 04:44:59 PM »
Hey Beacon

That's a great sign for your W! I believe I read something about reconnecting with family was a major moving point for her starting to improve.

Such an awesome journey the MLCer's  are on and sooo glad we have RCR's articles and this forum so we can compare their journey and see how the MLCer is moving along! Do  wish us LBSers weren't the target yet it is what it is.

I'm seeing promising signs!

Take care.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #63 on: June 17, 2016, 04:50:19 PM »
Thank you elegance and yes this website and forum has been a life saver for me to learn about all this nonsense and honestly to learn to forgive. I don't know where this will lead but I do know by what she has told me this week that she is much clearer in her thinking and articulating what she is going through. The fact she was able to tell me the story about her feeling abandoned by her mother and how it effects her life now was shocking to me. I am continuing to give her space and work on things but she has definitely initiated more this past 2 weeks.

Hope all is well with you Elegance.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #64 on: June 18, 2016, 10:42:08 AM »
I think I screwed up. My MIL and SIL wanted to come down and visit so she said they were coming today. They live 4 hours away so we don't see them often. I asked my W if she would like to come over with S's to see them and that MIL really wanted to see them. I got a angry text back saying "No if my mother wanted to see me she could have called me. I am tired of being treated like $h!te by them, you guys have fun. It's toxic" I didn't even know how to respond. I feel badly because yes she has abandonment issues with her mother and no her mother hasn't contacted her. Her mother hasn't contacted her because of her MLC behavior not because she doesn't love her. Her mother knows she destroyed our relationship and the relationship with her family because of all these behaviors. My W said "It's not your fault" but I know she is pissed about the situation and now I don't know what to do. She wont even bring the boys over to see their grandmother who has cancer. I just feel like over crap like now about the whole situation.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #65 on: June 23, 2016, 02:06:32 PM »
W sent me a message yesterday and wanted to get together so we did. We had some good conversations and I have seen some positive changes in her. She did also tell me that she thinks I should go out and explore and have a child of my own. I think she believes that she is holding me back. I tried to explain that I do not want to have any children and that I am content in my life right now but she is still worried. We discussed a lot about important things in our relationship, things she brought up not me. We did hash out a few things which was good. I still know she is not ready and that is going to take a little more time. I am still content with how things are going. I still continue to do things for me and enjoy life. I don't find myself "waiting" in a bad way.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #66 on: July 21, 2016, 01:23:54 PM »
Hello All, It's been awhile since I posted. Mostly because not much has happened and I have been trying to not overly focus on MLC in all angles. In the past month W and I have gone out a few times and have enjoyed ourselves. I continue to let her to the initiating. She seems to have slowed down a little bit and becoming more responsible in her spending and trying to save money. She has been going to the doctor and keeping up with her health. I continue to do my own thing and have not worried about our status in a long time.

Some things still bother me about her like when we go out, she messages people on her phone and I know it is OM. She did say she would break it off with him however I understand that this will take time. She speaks a lot about our future and buying a new house and a boat and just relaxing. I don't put much thought into it because I know she is still wavering back and forth in the MLC tunnel. I will continue to do me until I see some more permanent changes in her. I know there is still a lot going on in that noggin of hers.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #67 on: August 23, 2016, 04:14:38 PM »
Hello All,

Just returned from a much needed vacation. Enjoyed time with my family and just relaxing. The past two months have been weird for me. My W has been contacting me pretty regularly and we have gotten together like every other week for a couple drinks and to catch up. I see that she is making to positive life changes, she spoke with me the other day about planning for retirement and getting a job as a nutritionist. I caught myself smiling while she was telling me because I was proud that she was making positive steps. I told her I was happy for her for making these steps. Albeit she is working on herself she is still being secretive when she is texting while with me. Hiding the phone and such which just means to me she is still talking to OM. I realize it's not going to be easy to get rid of that relationship especially due to his obsessive personality. I have to remind myself the relationship must run it's course. I have been doing really good in keeping busy and exercising and overall feel good. I am not initiating contact with her and have kind of just laid low. When we go out it's almost like she is relieved to have someone to talk to that truly understands her. We always have a lot to talk about and it feels comfortable. So I guess I just keep going on this plan and continue to live for me. Just wanted to update if anyone was interested. It has been 2 1/2 years since bomb drop and 10 months we have lived apart.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #68 on: September 09, 2016, 08:07:12 AM »
I need advice,

My W showed up out of the blue last week when she found out I broke my toes, she brought a Ballon and gift bag that was a get well soon gift. Albeit it was a nice gesture and I still think she cares for me very much I know she is still involved with OM. It's been 2 1/2 years since bomb drop and 10 months since she moved out. I told her I am cleaning the garage and asked her if she wants all the stuff she left here and she stated she would probably come get it this weekend.

My question is, is it an appropriate time to tell her that although I love her very much I can't continue the "Rollercoaster" with her whilst I know she is still involved with OM? I want her to know that she made the choice to leave and be involved with him, but I also want her to know I still deeply love her.

Just need a tactic on how to convey this message.

Thanks in advance

Offline Elegance

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #69 on: September 09, 2016, 08:14:00 AM »
Hi Beacon, glad to 'see' you! Sorry about your injury.

I would place a boundary on her. I would say, if you are in a R w/ OM, you can't be in a R w/ me.



 

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