Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Hey, are you making it out on a limb  (Read 14796 times)

Offline Treasur

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #130 on: December 08, 2018, 01:25:56 AM »
You said on your earlier post that you know your w is still in contact with the AP bc she says she is worried he will hurt himself.
So, given that, it is sensible that your trust is very limited until or unless she ends contact completely. (And you know in your gut that the 'concern' excuse is just that, a bit of narcissistic nonsense). Time will tell if your w actually does what she needs to do or not, and how you manage your own boundaries about it.
The one thing that seems clear is that reconnection, and tidying the mess, is not quick, easy or a straight line for either you or your w.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
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Offline Milly

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #131 on: December 08, 2018, 04:00:10 AM »
Following, Beacon. Thanks for sharing your reconnection experience. I am not in your place so have no advice to give but want to wish you well.

They say that the OP is often hanging on during reconnection but the fear that the OP will hurt themselves will have her parenting the OP for ever. Does your W ever mention seeing an IC?
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #132 on: December 08, 2018, 07:46:44 AM »
Milly, thanks for stopping in. As far as my W interaction with OP I do believe they aren't in a relationship anymore like she says. However she has mentioned to me he didnt take it well and that he still continues to contact her in regards to working things out. I hope one day she can figure out that she cant save everyone. As far as counseling goes she would never even entertain the idea. It's just something she doesn't believe in unfortunately.

It's a slippery slope but I've backed off a bit and am allowing her the time she needs to work it out. One day at a time.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #133 on: December 08, 2018, 08:02:28 AM »
I am curious to hear what the time was like for you when you were away from the forum.  What was going on for you?  What are some of the things or behaviours you have seen in your W that have you more assured that this is reconnection. 

I spent some time away from the forum because I felt I was repeating myself for 4 years. Venting the same frustrations and I guess I needed a break from that.

One thing I noticed change in my W was she stopped talking bad about herself. When I compliment her she is able to accept it instead of her usual self deprecation. She has become more in tune with my well being instead of being selfish. Like you say it's often hard to explain but I guess for once I felt like it was connecting as opposed to the numerous touch and goes. Plus the honesty she was able to present with some of the things she'd done.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #134 on: December 17, 2018, 01:40:45 PM »
So W asked if we were going to our work Christmas party and I said I didn't think she'd want to go. Well we ended up going and had a really good time. I was surprised that she was ready for us to be seen together again at a work function.

She initiated touching my arm and holding my hand which I was also surprised at. I figured she wouldn't want to participate is any PDA. We had a good time catching up with people and laughed a lot.

My problem is that when I dropped her off I came inside and noticed she still had a picture of her and OP up on her tv stand. This was an immediate turn off and I left immediately. She knows I saw the picture and I have since gone a little dim. I'm not sure if I'm making a huge deal over a picture but too me I was utterly confused.

Any thoughts? I'm not sure I even want to bring up because I'm not sure I'd get a straight answer from her

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #135 on: December 20, 2018, 06:20:33 AM »
She might not have given it 3 nanoseconds of thought... or thought that you probably wouldn't see it... She may have very well had a similar thought process that you did in that she figured you wouldn't come in and see it, similar to your assumption she wouldn't initiate or engage in a  PDA.

MLC brains are like swiss cheese full of fog....

You'll have to either ask what the situation is <dangerous>  or just let it go and see how the reconnection continues...

Assuming anything though is probably making a mistake...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline BeaconTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #136 on: December 21, 2018, 01:54:12 PM »
I have decided to leave it alone at this point. I think she is very aware that I saw it and I've gone kind of dim so I will let her work through that. Seeming as I dont think I'll get a direct answer if asked it's better left alone for now.

Offline Evermore

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Re: Hey, are you making it out on a limb
« Reply #137 on: August 26, 2019, 05:34:40 PM »
Hi Beacon. I’ve just been reading back through old threads and have just finished yours. I see that you haven’t posted since March and I was just wondering how you and your W we’re doing? It all looked very calm and progressive and hopeful so I’m really hoping your life is going so well that this place just hasn’t even crossed your mind!
M: 49
H: 51
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 20
D: 18
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.

 

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