Author Topic: My Story #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !  (Read 6924 times)

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #20 on: August 03, 2017, 01:36:24 PM »
Big AL--- Have you considered that she might not have ever faced her issues and closed the doors to them and so is still in replay after all these years? There are false BD....and there are false returns...it would make sense that there would be false exits of replay as well.....

Sorry you are dealing with this..that is tough.

Hello S man, how you been ? Is things in your home any better ? I did not write or read so much last year. You are good in your response, I did not consider possibility that she did not leave replay. But in one I am sure that she thinks that man sux, life sux and that she drop man in general. So, she seeks for more drugs but not any more OM's.  I sense that she does not feel sexual at all, which I could sense before when she were in heat of  full blown replay. Apparently she is in her mind in her hometown which she in normal state of mind, hates. So, could be replay but she possibly regress even more in past before puberty to solve issues from childhood and family of origin issues. Also she could be out of replay and in withdrawal phase by Conway and want solitude.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2017, 01:39:03 PM by Albatross »

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #21 on: August 03, 2017, 01:42:27 PM »
Sorry to hear this Al.
Just take care of yourself and the kids.
Nothing you can do about your MLCer.
The selfishness never ceases to amaze me.

Kind of makes me think of the quote:
'Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me'.  :-\

They are completely out of compassion and empathy. Which bother me the most with her is temporary insanity because nobody can cope with insanity.

Just when I think I've heard the lowest, most callous thing a Mid-Lifer could do, someone comes along with yet another doozie...

Sleeping in the same bed? Firetruck that! she can sleep on the couch!

Make bloody darn sure that your financial ducks are in a row and do it NOW. Otherwise, when it DOES come time for her to really move, your Mid-Lifer will probably try to clean you out...

I am king of finances, my apartment it is, I bring it as mine in marriage, so she can blow me :D

Offline Superman

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #22 on: August 03, 2017, 03:06:55 PM »
Albatross--

On the outside looking in....it appears to me that she is camouflaging her replay activities, which makes sense as they try different masks on only to move on to the next and the next.  Your description makes it feel like she is still caught up with a lot of internal turmoil. 

Offline OffRoad

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2017, 12:51:11 AM »
Does anyone experience that your spouse never left home after BD for 4 years and when spouse go out of replay then leave, or I am the special one LBS ? :D
Mine stayed home for 18 months. The replay I saw was drinking to the point of puking, trying to pull all nighters, and basically being mostly teenagerish. Right before mine moved out, I saw more younger selves. Mine has been in his own place for 11 months, and about a month ago finally decided he needed to file for the divorce he's supposedly needed since 2.5 years ago. Except he needs to leave his stuff with me.

I think we're all special  in our own unique, and yet not unique ways.

I think yours started to get clarity and panicked and ran back to a time she hadn't addressed yet. It's possible she has hit the stage where they give it that one last effort to try to push us away, right before they come out of it. It'd be nice if that were so.

 I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2017, 05:40:51 AM »
Wow Albatross, what a shock that must have been, for you and the kids.  I'm so sorry.

These MLCer's just feel so entitled.  Just do what ever they want with no regards for anyone else.
I don't know what to say.

Are the kids ok?

She hit the rock bottom. She does not speak or it is about pass me a bread, what is on TV and other daily things. D did not react what she said to her and just confirm that she get at knowledge, like OK ... OK ... OK. Son did the same. After that she do not engage them. D said to me that she (W) do not deserve any respond from her, any emotions. Actually she make joke saying to mother that she wants car and alimony. Black humor.

It is very awkward situation at home. She have to be on vacations two weeks by law, she use to run away in her hometown whenever she can, now she stay here ?! My son saying that she is nuts, nobody saying to spouse I am moving to live in my hometown with dad and I quit job and take job there NEXT month ?! And he said that she could say, next year.

I do not understand why she staying here two weeks on vacation ? Does anyone have any clue ?
« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 05:53:13 AM by Albatross »

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #25 on: August 06, 2017, 11:26:23 AM »
I think yours started to get clarity and panicked and ran back to a time she hadn't addressed yet. It's possible she has hit the stage where they give it that one last effort to try to push us away, right before they come out of it. It'd be nice if that were so.

 I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this.

That could be true because she is done with other man, she cannot works in any romantic relationship, in relationship with kids, in relationship with anyone else. Only with people who are in same mess, so they can be victims and being depressed together. So, basically she have to break limbo. She is without OM since November last year and reconnection with me does not work because I am man too. :) So, she have to regress even more and find time when she suffer injury. She said that she wait that our son finish high school and kids then do not need her. So limbo it is, so she have to change dynamics between her and life and break limbo. I strongly believe that is good for both of us, I will gain total freedom and she also. But now our marital status will be public.

I was very surprised that she still project own misery to the world You can read it from her blog, link is in my signature.

Time will tell

Offline Thunder

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #26 on: August 06, 2017, 12:03:21 PM »
I see your 1st bd was in 2011.  So was mine.

I agree she probably never really came out of replay. Maybe she just needs to be on her own to figure herself out.
Of course she sounds like a Low Energy MLCer, they don't really go in replay, I think it's more Wallowing, and they sometimes can take a long time.  : (
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #27 on: August 06, 2017, 12:29:00 PM »
Albatross--

On the outside looking in....it appears to me that she is camouflaging her replay activities, which makes sense as they try different masks on only to move on to the next and the next.  Your description makes it feel like she is still caught up with a lot of internal turmoil.

Yeah You could be right, she lost joy in replay and living double life so she can go in her hometown to finally be free to do what she wants and that suppose to make her happy, but nonetheless her shadow going after her and I would not be there and she can't anymore project in me own misery.

Offline AlbatrossTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #28 on: August 11, 2017, 03:38:06 AM »
- W wants to go with kids shopping. After she announce kids that she leaving them ? So, she ask D to ask me would I go. D said to her, why you don't ask him ? W said I wont, D said, OK I will ask him, so she did ask me, I said no. (I found that later, D said that to me, which I assume that was case). So they go, later I find out that kids dismiss all talking about why W decide to go, so W haven't opportunity to say them. They did shopping, take coffee and W realize that they avoid any conversation about her leaving, so they spend time in shallow, fun like talking.

- I get a grip wit complete awkward situation, she talk and act like nothing happens and like she will live here forever and in same time she have own agenda. She haven't any argument why she leaving, and if you push her she project all on me, like deflecting, change subject and attack, you soon find self in defense, so it is pointless trying to make rational conversation.

- That concert actually is trigger why she leaving. I can only speculate that she were there alone and there were couples of our age and they enjoy golden age in loving relationship and she is with me and that does not work. And she does not want to be in dead relationship anymore, it is all or nothing (She mumble something similar when we talked). Also could be that she expect to experience youth again and she realize that Sting is not anymore young, he is old, and his performance were away different than he were young...  I  also strongly believe that W "best friend" which is also MLCer - confirmed have huge influence on W and W admire her, she somehow represent her mother and W desperately seeking love from her, also that woman is role model which W copy. I can only speculate that W most likely nag about our relationship and saying that she will leave, so eventually her best friend saying to her, you just blabber, you haven't guts to do it. So, W have to prove her that she have guts...

- W is very depressed and do not want to piss anyone of us, she screamed in dream so hard that she wake me up even I have very deep sleeping. I believe monster wants to go prisoner do not want it. Her relationship with kids become much worse than before, they do what ever it takes to avoid her.

- D has birthday 23th couple a days before, W made lasagna and cake, all home made. I hug and kiss my D and congratulate her birthday. W give her high five without any words, beside give me five ?! Apparently she is most likely scared how D will react, so she avoid any hugging and kissing. Go figure !
« Last Edit: August 11, 2017, 03:43:49 AM by Albatross »

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Re: #4 - Lord, give me patience, but please hurry !
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2017, 04:20:19 AM »
Quote
I  also strongly believe that W "best friend" which is also MLCer - confirmed have huge influence on W and W admire her, she somehow represent her mother and W desperately seeking love from her, also that woman is role model which W copy. I can only speculate that W most likely nag about our relationship and saying that she will leave, so eventually her best friend saying to her, you just blabber, you haven't guts to do it. So, W have to prove her that she have guts...

Ah yes.... The "Toxic Friend." In my case, I know for certain that there is a Toxic Colleague who said EXACTLY what you described above to my W... "You just talk, you are too weak to do it..." and so on... Now THERE is one person whom I would SO much love to see get run over by the Karma Bus... and she will... It is a matter of time.. She (TC = Toxic Colleague) has not been able EVER to maintain any long-term stable relationship where the other person was in close distance... Her longest R's have been weekend R's if that...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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