[Seeing The Light]

Hi, I'm Seeing The Light, and I'm an Introvert!  There, I said it!  When I first realized that I was an introvert, I was so relieved!  I always had a hard time getting why I wasn't like "normal" people... Being alone was fine with me.  As a matter of fact, being in groups of people that I didn't know and having to get to know other people when I didn't know anyone was so uncomfortable that I couldn't wait for it to be over.  When I'm around people that I don't know for long periods of time, I found that I was exhausted and needed alone time to decompress and recharge me.

In the process of trying to build better relationships at work, I found a book titled "Networking for people that hate Networking" by Devora Zack. I thought, OMG, that's me!  And that's when I found out a lot of answers about not only why I act the way I do, I also learned a lot about why my H acts the way he did before his MLC started. He's very much an extrovert.  Guess there is some truth in the old opposites attract adage.

This leads me to my reason for starting this discussion.  It seems like a lot of the advice for the Standing LBS is to GAL, meet new people and make new friends, get out of the house, etc. This is something that I struggle with because it's not easy for me to do these things if I don't have someone already there that I know.  The friends that I have are from my M or work and it just seems so awkward for me right now to want to do anything with them.

These are some of the suggestions my IC gave me once I talked to her about being an introvert:

• Take a class for something that you are interested in. This way you don't necessarily have to know someone, yet you are getting some human contact. Eventually you may be comfortable enough to start a friendship with someone you meet there because you will have a common interest. 
• Go to a movie or shopping. It's still an individual interaction, but again you are interacting with people. I have gone wandering around stores just to take pictures of things that I like because it helps me to focus on me. In the past I was always thinking of what my H liked when buying stuff.

So, what are your thoughts?  If you aren't sure if you are an introvert or extrovert, there's a quick quiz that you can take here that can help. http://www.quietrev.com/the-introvert-test/

[Jaybeecee]

I too am an introvert.  Luckily I was working on making new friends a few months prior to BD and met some great supportive people.  We run together but sometimes as an introvert, I have to run by myself and prefer it on difficult days.

I always preferred my alone time to anything in a group setting.  I don't like meeting new people and was in my late 20's before I was comfortable talking to people on the phone I didn't know.

H, on the other hand, constantly has to be around people and has always hated to be alone.  That's why he comes running back everytime H and OW fight.  His biggest fear needs to be realized in order for him to ever exit the tunnel.  He needs to truly feel that he has lost everyone.

[Finding Hope]

My husband is an extrovert, which is funny since he is in law enforcement. Me I'm an extrovert, I haven't met a stranger. I think maybe this was one of the problems. I talk to everybody and it bothered him. He would always say, "do you have to talk to everyone". Now he excepts it. He is working on being a little more open.

FH

[Anjae]

GAL does not mean that we have to go out and/or meet new people, it just means to do things we like, or find new things we like.

Options to introverts (that can apply to anyone)
- Reading
- Walking, running, swiming
- Painting
- Arts & Crafts
- Take an on-line course
- Chess (online or in a chess group, chess requires silence, instropection and thinkin)
- Gardening (in the absence of a garden, a terrace, balcony or even kitchen window will do)
- Writing
- Photography
- Going to museums and art galeries
- Making Jigsaw Puzzles
- Do crosswords or words puzzles
- Watch movies/tv series home (or, in the case of movies, in the cinema. it can be done alone).
- Dance around the house

[Thunder]

Anjae, I love your suggestions.

There is nothing wrong with being an Introvert.  Sometimes the best workers are Introverts because they have the ability to do a task from beginning to end.  Extroverts, like me, are very good at multitasking and dealing with emergencies but not as good at finishing up one project before started 2/3 more.   

The world needs both.  Introverts and Extraverts and I've found the two usually make good partners if they understand each other.
If two Introverts get together it could be quite boring.  Two Extroverts are in competition to talk.
There needs to be a balance.

I used to come home from work all energized by my day, chatting about my day, my H would back off.  I thought he was being rude or not caring.
After I learned the difference between us I let him come home, take his shoes off, hang up his coat, (biting at the bit)make his cup of coffee and sit before I attacked him with my day.
He was much more receptive if I gave him quiet for awhile.

He was regrouping from being around people all day.  I was stimulated.

The funny thing I learned about myself, I'm drawn to Introverts.  Extraverts are too much like me and I find them annoying.
Go figure.   

[Roma]

Nice list Anjae! Thank you.  I used to be an extreme extrovert. Now, I'm more of an introvert. I'm getting a bike soon, and maybe that will propel me to be more extroverted as I used to be.

My MLCer I'd say is an introvert as well.

[Ready2Transform]

Beautiful list, Anjae!

I'm a total introvert, even though I love presenting to a group or performing. I can handle a few hours of socializing, but it's exhausting. Even when xH and I worked together from home it was far too much because there was no down time without each other. After he left though I felt completely isolated, and started to take time to volunteer doing things for my elderly neighbors. GALing with nature and animals has renewed my spirit. Music, movies (once I got to the point where my focus was longer), networking for my biz, have all been cathartic. FB chatting my long distance friends, so I can enjoy the best of both worlds, LOL. Creativity has always been a huge outlet for me, but for years it was difficult because my thoughts always returned to this situation. That has changed dramatically over the last year and I feel a lot more like my old self, with new ideas and reborn old ones.

[Anjae]

I'm an introvert with a good portion of extrovert. So is Mr J. That may be one we get along so well. There was enough quietness as well as enough talk and  activities. At least enough for us.

We both like socializing, we were always going to concerts. We would also go out to dance a lot. We manage to go to dinner parties or other type of parties, but I would always need some time on my own. Usually I would go to the library or garden, if the house had one, for a while to recharge. Mr J preferred to come home as soon as possible.

Dancing and concerts were not a problem. We would go, then come home and be on our own. What we never did was really having people home. Family, yes, but hardly any dinners with others home. Home was our special place, our place to retreat from the outside world.

It has not been that good to me to spend so much time on my own as I have of late. It can make the introversion rise to a very high level, and that is not good. But, for now, I think I still need the more secluded life. What I notice is older I become, the more time I spend on my own, the harder it is to recover from certain social or family events.

I have no problems interacting with anyone I meet. Nor to talk to people when I do errands. I doubt people who only known me from seeing me at the supermarked, grocery, bakery, etc, would know I am an introvert.

[Finding Hope]

OOPS, meant introvert That's my husband

[Watcher]

I am an introvert but have no problem interacting with people on a daily basis. W is an extrovert. She could talk to anyone about anything. I think that GAL is really what makes you comfortable and doing things that you may have an interest in and enjoy.

 I did not go out and make a bunch of new friends, but I make an effort to be more social and outgoing. She taught me a valuable lesson. Get out there and enjoy life while you can Watcher. I challenge myself to step outside my box.