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Author Topic: MLC Monster LBS Stages 4

M
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MLC Monster Re: LBS Stages 4
#40: January 12, 2018, 06:46:17 PM
Is it possible to be in:

Denial
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

All at the same time?!?
Denial and acceptance are so opposite, not sure how I could be both at the same time, but in my heart I want to deny that things are so upside down, but in my head I accept that H is in MLC and I need to deal with the $hit associated therewith.

NO BARGAINING FOR ME!  I have no desire to plead, neg, negotiate or anything like that.  Because I understand that won't help anything.
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Re: LBS Stages 4
#41: January 13, 2018, 04:18:43 AM
I tend to cycle between:
Anger ''F him and his BS''
Acceptance ''Nothing I can do but focus on me''
Positive ''it will all work out''
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You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

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Re: LBS Stages 4
#42: January 13, 2018, 02:37:23 PM
Bride:
That explains all your wonderful posts!
Keep focusing on yourself.  Your positivity is terrific!
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Re: LBS Stages 4
#43: January 14, 2018, 02:11:25 AM
Is it possible to be in:

Denial
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

All at the same time?!? Yup...we all cycle as LBS...over time, the cycles are less sharp and deep perhaps.

Denial and acceptance are so opposite, not sure how I could be both at the same time, but in my heart I want to deny that things are so upside down, but in my head I accept that H is in MLC and I need to deal with the $hit associated therewith.

NO BARGAINING FOR ME!  I have no desire to plead, neg, negotiate or anything like that.  Because I understand that won't help anything.

I think bargaining can be an internal thing too...if I do x, then y might happen or if I think x, then I'll feel better. It's a sort of post-traumatic mental jelly-wrestling really.  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

M
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Re: LBS Stages 4
#44: January 14, 2018, 12:08:52 PM
Treasur:
THanks for your thoughts.
I think self-bargaining is what we want to do, to the extent of i.e., if I don't ask a lot of questions, I won't push him father away.  Or - if I don't follow him on social media,
I will feel better. 

What I meant is that I won't bargain with him - if you come back...

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C
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Re: LBS Stages 4
#45: January 17, 2018, 11:41:41 PM
Update on what stage I've reached, met someone normal and am moving on  :)
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Re: LBS Stages 4
#46: February 12, 2018, 01:07:50 PM
From post #38:

Quote
I remember him saying he had a crush on her in high school but never had the nerve to ask her out. Does that count as MLC replay?

This seems to be a very common theme of who our spouses choose as the affair partner.   I've seen similar comments over and over on the boards.   In my own case, my H's affair down is with a woman he had a brief fling with in High School.   40 yrs later he attends his HS reunion and there she is.   The rest,,,well you can guess.   It's a very common theme it seems.

Any thoughts on why this is so common for MLCer's?

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"This too shall pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass."
"Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."

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Re: LBS Stages 4
#47: February 12, 2018, 01:12:12 PM
To add to that, if the AP isn't someone from high school, it's very often someone the MLCer knew from the past and has reconnected with via Facebook, or similar.  Why not someone brand new?  I'm guessing it somehow has to do with their regression to an earlier time.
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"This too shall pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass."
"Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."

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Re: LBS Stages 4
#48: February 13, 2018, 08:00:04 AM
I believe you are ready right! This replay is all about making up for the youth they believe they were cheated out of.
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I care🤗
H 51
W 58
M 22 Years
2 AD both married from my first M
BD 12/15 moved out-in replay, vanisher, MOW in Atlanta
D 2/17

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Re: LBS Stages 4
#49: February 16, 2018, 03:55:06 PM
To add to that, if the AP isn't someone from high school, it's very often someone the MLCer knew from the past and has reconnected with via Facebook, or similar.  Why not someone brand new?  I'm guessing it somehow has to do with their regression to an earlier time.

H always told me tattoos were a tun off (she has at least 2), he always said kids were a deal breaker (she has 3), and there is no way in hell he could ever date a smoker (she smokes when stressed).  So regression, and maybe the fact that she wormed her way in and validated him and made him feel good about himself when all my efforts failed, are the only reasons he could have chosen her.

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Me 40; H 44
Married 14 years
No kids, no pets

 

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