[Treasur]

I've found some of these articles helpful, especially with a vanisher who isn't available to shout at! https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/i-feel-angry-divorce/

[Treasur]

Just occurred to me that when I'm angry (and I'm not big on anger, so it's more p***ed off resentment usually), I'm angry about two things:

1. I got no vote on something that blew up almost every bit of my life and polluted me reality of 18 years, or even a vote on how to get out of my marriage

2. That while I've been struggling alone with the rubble he ran away from, as well as my own grief, pain and other life stuff, he has been living for free on his auntie's houseboat in Chelsea, partying, nice job and lots of sex and TLC from a trashy blonde. TBH, it feels like my life has been nothing but s$it for 2 years and his life is better. (Lots of assumptions there I know, but it is taking me a long time to recover to the point where my life looks like better than a car-wreck...I think I'm envious of my MLCer...sigh, where is karma...I do know that long-term I wouldn't sleep at night if I'd done what he has done to everyone who loved him...but I guess lots of sex helps him right now, yuk!)

[ChrissYAH]

Treasure Im feeling exactly how u r, he dumped my kids and i nearly had us thrown in the st,took off and married his ow, without a 2nd thought like its normal, his father did the same thing to him, he had vowed he would never to the same to his family, well whadda ya know HE HAS.

[Mortesbride]

My anger comes from:

1. How can he become such a different person. I would never associate with a man who abandons his family and cheats on his wife. Yet now I have to...

2. Murdering my happily ever after 50+ year marriage and solid family plans.

3. Betraying me in such a way it will scar my soul forever.

4. Hurting my kids.

[ChrissYAH]

Mbride I so relate, the fact that he's actually married this wench and couldn't give a damn about the hurt and destruction he's caused is living his 'happily ever after' in a home that the wench owned, while he would'nt of bat an eyelid if we were thrown out of the family home, as long as he got 'his share' and lived his life thats all that matters, while my kids are hurt beyond comprehension infuriates me no end, and the mutual friends that i will never have anything to do with again with he has their full support.

[Kitkat23]

Treasur that is exactly why I feel so angry. Only he then has the audacity to actually thank me for being so reasonable. I’m not being reasonable I’m just hoping that you might see sense someday if I don’t react. Not reacting is hard though when he keeps saying he’s moving out but whilst here leaves a dating website open on the iPad. Seriously why do they have to keep repeatedly rubbing it in our faces. Every day seems to bring another curveball and you literally have no say or power to stop them. 

[Mortesbride]

Perhaps you should accidentally update his dating profile to say ''I am a married man looking to leave my wife and kids, I don't really care what you look like as long as you will listen to my story of woe and let me stick it to you every now and then. You don't need to be smart, attractive, financially stable, or emotionally stable for that matter. Just have a pulse and a need to please and I am all yours. Signed...Just another MLCer''

[ChrissYAH]

Perhaps you should accidentally update his dating profile to say ''I am a married man looking to leave my wife and kids, I don't really care what you look like as long as you will listen to my story of woe and let me stick it to you every now and then. You don't need to be smart, attractive, financially stable, or emotionally stable for that matter. Just have a pulse and a need to please and I am all yours. Signed...Just another MLCer''

X won't parade the ow he's keeping it 'private' although he 'married' her he's told a few people he's single.

[Kitty]

Does numbness count as shock? I will go through large blocks of the day feeling nothing, then I will get a text or a call from H and then I'll go to bargaining/depression.

I also do a lot of comparing between myself and the OW. It's wrong I know, but I'm kind of baffled about it. I think I could actually understand if she was younger than me, most stories of MLCers I've read about the OW/OM is younger. In this case she is a year older than H. I remember him saying he had a crush on her in high school but never had the nerve to ask her out. Does that count as MLC replay?

[moc]

Does numbness count as shock? I will go through large blocks of the day feeling nothing, then I will get a text or a call from H and then I'll go to bargaining/depression.

I also do a lot of comparing between myself and the OW. It's wrong I know, but I'm kind of baffled about it. I think I could actually understand if she was younger than me, most stories of MLCers I've read about the OW/OM is younger. In this case she is a year older than H. I remember him saying he had a crush on her in high school but never had the nerve to ask her out. Does that count as MLC replay?

Kitty: the numbness is a normal process of detaching.  I remember when I "let go and let God" it scared me so much that I had no feeling whatsoever.  I could not cry, I could not laugh, I had no feeling.  That is protection mechanism and it is a bit odd but necessary. 

Please do not compare yourself to the OW.  Do not give her headspace, she is not worth it.  She is a symptom of his complete crisis.  No OW or OM is ever worth it.  They are always an affair down.  She might be playing the "mommy" role being older.  Yes, totally MLC replay and of course he is going back to emotionally mature where he left off...in High School.  Be strong and sure of yourself.  Do something good with you.  Get a makeover, freshen the wardrobe, make him wonder what he left behind.  Heal inside and the outside will show through.  Fake it until you make it.  Leave him in the dust behind but you can still keep an eye in the rearview mirror if he decided to catch up to you.

Peace to you!