[Was your MLCer depressed or stressed in the run up to his/ her MLC?]

Was your MLCer depressed or stressed in the run up to his/ her MLC?

Yes, depressed.

5 (12.8%)

Yes, stressed

3 (7.7%)

Severely stressed to the point of burnout, which includes depression

15 (38.5%)

Yes, stressed and depressed

15 (38.5%)

No, neither stressed nor depressed

1 (2.6%)

Total Members Voted: 39

Voting closed: August 31, 2016, 04:04:04 PM

[Mermaid]

Carrying on the poll from the previous thread, but with some changes. For the background, please look at the old post here:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=191.0

We were discussing whether stress or depression were always factors preceding their crisis.

I added burnout as a separate item as it is a severe stress reaction leading to depression at the later stages, and a loss of emotion.

[Anjae]

I don't know where to vote. Mr J was seriously depressed and stressed but not burnout. At least not like the previous burnout. Burnout does not allow for Replay behaviour, no energy is left.

Somewhat depressed or stressed is not depressed and stressed enough for his situation.

I would had to vote for both depressed and stressed. The poll can be set to allow for 2 or more replies per person, which, in this case, I think would make sense. As it would have in the previous one.

[Ready2Transform]

I picked that option, but instead of burnout, we used the term a lot around here of "overwhelm". We were facing so many big things because of the recession, and had no idea what to do. I kept going. He did not.

[Mermaid]

I don't know where to vote. Mr J was seriously depressed and stressed but not burnout. At least not like the previous burnout. Burnout does not allow for Replay behaviour, no energy is left.

Somewhat depressed or stressed is not depressed and stressed enough for his situation.

I would had to vote for both depressed and stressed. The poll can be set to allow for 2 or more replies per person, which, in this case, I think would make sense. As it would have in the previous one.

Hmm. I can't change my categories now... Could you just choose the one which is most similar?

[Anjae]

Hmm. I can't change my categories now... Could you just choose the one which is most similar?

You can't, but I, or any mod can. Maybe changing the burnout for overwhelm? Or add depressed and stressed?

None of the categories in itself is similar. Burnout is a different thing, somewhat too far from the reality.

[Mitzpah]

I put the burnout one as I believe that is what sent him to OW.

She wrote to me about five months before BD saying how 'shocked' she was to re-encounter her old friend so stressed out... remember the OW is a psychologist

He definitely was stressed to the point of depression. I recommended him to go back to the psychiatrist he had seen about five or six years before and get some help. He did and was prescribed anti-anxiety medication (Procimax 20 mg). She (psychiatrist) said that he was over the 'depression' and that he was suffering from anxiety (AD(h)D co-morbidity).

He also said at BD that he had been in a very dark place and never wanted to go back there, that was why he needed to leave... If he continued married, he would find himself back there

So, yes - stressed-depression- burnout - OW waiting to pounce

[Anjae]

Ok, I vote on the option with burnout. But I want to leave it clear that burnout is a complete crash. It does not allow for any energy. I suffered from it 3 times and Mr J 2 before BD. We had no energy to move out of the bed, to think, almost none to eat. We sleep, that was all during the first days. There is barely any energy to get out of bed, let alone to have an affair.

Burnout does not give anyone the type of energy MLCers have. It puts in you a bed, often in hospital. Burnout is complete physical, and often mental, exhaustion. It is not what we see in MLC.

Burnout, with luck, allows you to wallow from the bed to the sofa. Slowly, one recovers, but the energy for high energy MLC is not there. Not even for wallowing MLC. It is much worst and lower than the lack of energy a wallower MLCer has.

MLC is strange because, aside from wallowers, MLCers have too much energy. They are more like bipolar people on a manic phase. Of course MLCers also have lows, and the lows will be quite low. I am talking about high energy MLCers.

Wallowers tend to try to have high energy, but fail. They wallow.

[Mermaid]

Hmm. I can't change my categories now... Could you just choose the one which is most similar?

You can't, but I, or any mod can. Maybe changing the burnout for overwhelm? Or add depressed and stressed?

None of the categories in itself is similar. Burnout is a different thing, somewhat too far from the reality.

Burnout is very specific, which is why I wanted it there. I'll explain more in a later post.

I think it would be enough to eliminate the word "somewhat ", to have a category of stressed and depressed without being burnout.

I hope as many people as possible vote... This could be very interesting.

[xyzcf]

When I looked at the questions, I felt that there were more than one that I could have chosen...would it work to have your top 3 reasons? I ended up adding other for to me, the significant trigger was death of his mother.

I do understand that perhaps only choosing one gives the opportunity for better analysis of what we see.

I wonder what people who have been through a MLC would choose?

[Anjae]

I think it would be enough to eliminate the word "somewhat ", to have a category of stressed and depressed without being burnout.

Done. Now you have to count my vote in that one, rather than on the burnout one. It is not possible to change the number of votes in each category. 

When I looked at the questions, I felt that there were more than one that I could have chosen...would it work to have your top 3 reasons?

If Mermaid agrees, the poll can be set for 3 replies per person.

I wonder what people who have been through a MLC would choose?

Speaking for myself, stressed, tremendously stressed, with a bit of depression, mostly covert, with some overt.

Since I have been through both, even if the MLC was mild compared with many replayers, I know it was totally different from burnout.

Reading what other who have MLC wrote, had watched my cousin and others, I think that is pretty much it, stress (also anxiety) and depression, even if this one can often be covert. Eventually, when rock bottom comes, burnout is present, but until then, not really, there is a crazy, manic energy I have never come across before or after.

I think this is one important point to have in consideration, Mermaid, some of us had MLC. We know how it is, we are not just saying that is it like this or that, we have been there.