Author Topic: My Story Rebuilding Progression  (Read 9899 times)

Offline sadaTopic starter

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My Story Rebuilding Progression
« on: August 23, 2016, 07:49:27 AM »
My first post in my 2d thread.  Can someone please link my previous thread?  Thanks.

Because of life long issues with some of my family, I’ve gone low contact with some & nc with others.  And I am a happier, more authentic, me because of it.  I’ve been the scapegoat of my narcissist mother (nm) for a long time.  No more.  She is not allowed that kind of access to me.  I am fabulous & she doesn’t deserve to be in my presence.

Working on myself during this soul-crushing experience (mlc) has made me more capable of dealing with other aspects of my life such as my foo issues.

Whether we remain with our spouses or not I believe we come out of this knowing & appreciating & Loving ourselves so much better. 

My h is home & we’re rebuilding but it’s still a work in progress.

Previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5298.0
« Last Edit: August 23, 2016, 02:00:36 PM by Anjae »
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline Thunder

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Re: Progression
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2016, 08:08:11 AM »
Well said sada!

{{APPLAUSE}}
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline sadaTopic starter

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Re: Progression
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2016, 09:00:58 AM »
You're an inspiration thunder.  Thank you!   :)
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Progression
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2016, 10:27:38 AM »
Soul crushing experience. I do believe you hit the nail on the head.

Thank you for continuing to post. Your experience and wisdom are co valuable to me, and many others I presume.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline sadaTopic starter

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Re: Progression
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2016, 10:50:18 AM »
Thank you kit. That means a lot. It's good to know I'm helping. This forum was my refuge when I was in the midst of it. I would advise anyone to read, research, & read some more. It's so good to be here with kindred spirits who understand.

The quotes below are from one of my favorite films, Moonstruck. Rose is aware that her h is cheating on her with a much younger woman. She's having a convo with Johnny, her daughter's fiance. Whenever I watch this scene, I go, YES!

Quote
Rose: [frustrated] But why would a man need more than one woman?
Johnny: I don't know. Maybe because he fears death.
[Rose looks up, eyes wide, suspicions confirmed]
Rose: That's it! That's the reason!
Johnny: I don't know...
Rose: No! That's it! Thank you! Thank you for answering my question!
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline DKNJ22

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Re: Progression
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2016, 07:34:16 PM »
Attaching again:)

Offline heroIam

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Re: Progression
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2016, 07:33:33 PM »
Attaching sada!
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline BittyBoosMom

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Re: Progression
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2016, 11:14:26 AM »
Working on myself during this soul-crushing experience (mlc) has made me more capable of dealing with other aspects of my life such as my foo issues.

Soul-crushing experience - yes, that's absolutely it!!

I'm so happy for you that things are working out.  Thank you for sharing.

I was hoping to be able to join you in posting about my H and I working out things but he gave up after 3 weeks - didn't give himself any time to work on himself or deal w/his issues.  He went running back to the OW :(
Me - 49
H - 50
D8; SS26
Alienator: Yes, OW, PA
BD1: 03/16
BD2: 05/16 - Leaves home & moves in w/OW
07/16: Comes home
BD3: 08/16 - Leaves home again & moves back in w/OW
08/16 - Filed for divorce
04/17 - Awarded sole physical & legal custody of D
08/17 - Legally separated
11/17 - OW kicks H out - H is hospitalized shortly thereafter and turns to me for support
12/17 - H starts talking to OW again
1/18 - H moves back in w/OW
"You got me, I'm cornered, my back to the wall , no bed of roses, ain't no bed at all, I'm walkin' the wire, I stumble and fall, I got the message but I ain't gonna crawl"...Comin' Under Fire by Def Leppard

Offline sadaTopic starter

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Re: Progression
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2016, 12:54:21 PM »
Bitty. I'm sorry to hear you've now got this to deal with. I guess this is what's called touch & go??

I'm sure my h had a short affair with a 2d ow a few months after coming home. He came back super early & after the initial glow (hysterical bonding) wore off he became an a****** & back to his surly, contrary, selfish, moody, impatient, childish, mlc persona.

I know just exactly how you feel but believe me, even though we miss what we had with them, when they return rare done they're not fit to be around decent people. 

Pray pray pray for strength & peace of mind. 

I'm here to post with whether your h is home or not.  We are all in this together. 

(HUGS)
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline BittyBoosMom

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Re: Progression
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2016, 12:38:15 PM »
Thanks Sada.  I'm trying to get back on here and posting but I don't have the time right now.

Hope all is well w/you and your H.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Me - 49
H - 50
D8; SS26
Alienator: Yes, OW, PA
BD1: 03/16
BD2: 05/16 - Leaves home & moves in w/OW
07/16: Comes home
BD3: 08/16 - Leaves home again & moves back in w/OW
08/16 - Filed for divorce
04/17 - Awarded sole physical & legal custody of D
08/17 - Legally separated
11/17 - OW kicks H out - H is hospitalized shortly thereafter and turns to me for support
12/17 - H starts talking to OW again
1/18 - H moves back in w/OW
"You got me, I'm cornered, my back to the wall , no bed of roses, ain't no bed at all, I'm walkin' the wire, I stumble and fall, I got the message but I ain't gonna crawl"...Comin' Under Fire by Def Leppard

 

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