[in it]

Funny works for me too.
I love to laugh and I think it helps your brain and mind reset to a more content, relaxed state. It's a great stress reliever.

[Thundarr]

Bump for GoodHusband and others.

[Searching4Answers]

Searching, by all means please share more good intro messages!

Here is another example for you:

Hello there-

It's a pleasure to meet you. I have lots of creative interests. It keeps the brain awake. I am obsessed with improv and comedy podcasting. I like to make people laugh and think.
I like going out to see live music as well and dancing.

I enjoy traveling and will be making my 5th trip to Maui next weekend. New cities are fun as well, exploring places you have never been can be a rush.

I was an entertainment journalist for 30 years and now in my latest career working at XXXX for 10 years in their Legal department.

I really enjoyed your pictures. You are very pretty.

Where is the last place you went on a good road trip? What are some of your favorite movies?

Check out my profile and hopefully I will hear from you.

Have a great day,
XXXXX

[Dji76]

Dating/relationships should be fun and easy, especially in the beginning. What you have with RG doesnt sound like either of those things.

[Ready2Transform]

I recently discovered a new site that should fit the bill perfectly for meeting new friends and dating partners who are actually mature.  It's called AdultFriendFinder.com and I'll be checking it out later.  No more adolescent BS.

You were being sarcastic, right? I took this literally and checked out the link. Let me save everyone else the drama in case your kids are in the room: it's a sex and swinger community.

[Roma]

Gasps! I clicked it too, just to be nosy. Depending on what you're looking for, I wouldn't go there to find a decent R. Oh mi oh my!

[Thundarr]

Yes, Ready2, I was trying to be funny there.  AFF may be just the place for some depending on what you're looking for, but I wouldn't expect to find many there that you'd want to take home to meet your kids or parents.

DJ, what I have going with RG is actually pretty fun and I'm debating on whether it could be even more so.  I think convenience is the biggest selling point as I know when she's free and when she's not, and those times are pretty well in stone.  Not sure of relationship potential but it IS nice to have a coffee/ dinner date that I can count on AND who's more than happy to take turns footing the bill.  Plus, I've never been to California.....

[Kat0465]

Dating sites, all I can say Is Ohh Lord!!! well that's not all I can say! lol.yes I tried it for about 6 months and it was a total disaster!! I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect that much crazy,

The one thing I noticed is a lot of men wear their sun glasses.....that's a no no.eye are the windows to the Soul, so they cover a lot of the cray cray up!! IMHO.

Ive met a few guys the old fashioned way,and ill take that ANY day over a dating site. I was thinking maybe I was on the wrong one, but after 3..... UGHHHH they were all the same. although one in particular was extremely severe as far as Married men (MLC?) and Durty Pics Galore..

Hey single aint looking too bad at this point.i think most of us suffer from lack of Human touch. my daughter sometimes gives me a huge hug out of the blue, SHe says she can fell my sadness and knows I need a good ole hug.

Shes right.

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

I am not a covenant stander. I am a stander in the sense "what if". If it is meant to be with H then so be. If it is meant to be with someone more wonderful, then so be. My thought is if H is getting some then why shouldn't I? My H rejected sex, love, affection, even simple holding hands for nearly two years. He did a number on my self-esteem. I have a high sex drive and H was the lousiest lover I ever had. With me, he refused to treat his erectile dysfunction but is now using Cialis/Viagra with OW (I got a lovely letter in the mail that his prescription was approved).

I will admit that I had a one night stand exactly one month post-BD. It was an unusual opportunity at a recovery campout. I was hesitant at first but am glad I relented as it was an incredible evening. He was considerably younger and viral which was awesome because of H's  ED. I was reminded that I AM desirable and I NEED intimacy/human touch in my life, something my H tried to convince me I could live without. I don't know if H wakes up from MLC if he will EVER be capable of that. If he isn't, we will never work out. I refuse to ever be in a loveless relationship ever again. I deserve so much more and since BD am looking awesome. I am 47 but everyone thinks I am 37.

I had zero regrets about that experience. The one night stand guy tried texting, well sexting, with me, but I shut him down. He seemed ok about it. It felt empowering to get what I wanted from the situation and leave it be. I have been perusing online dating sites but have found zero potential dates. I really am not ready anyways. I'm still in grief mode and it wouldn't be fair to bring that into a date. But I do look and sometimes respond to messages. My radar is off the charts as a result of MLC. I can spot a liar, phony, jerk a mile away. Call it my Godly intuition. I personally feel if I am supposed to end up with someone other than my H, he will most likely be found through my 12 step program, consulting and volunteer work, or through friends.

So why do I subscribe to online dating? I don't know. Boredom? Loneliness? Sometimes it takes my mind off H and OW. Sometimes I have hope I can just hook up again. Just for today, I'm not really interested in anything that would impede my personal growth. It feels great. I feel very empowered and won't settle for anything less than what I truly deserve.

If you do online dating:
--Beware the guy in shirtless photos (yuck).
--Don't engage with anyone who is very vague about their life and won't answer questions. I was conversing with a guy and once I got his email, I found him on Facebook only to find he was clearly in a relationship. He was also a cop and wouldn't answer my questions.
--Set your search criteria (age, physical type, income, education, etc.) to exactly what you want (don't settle for just anyone).
--Insist on recent photos--make them send you recent photos in a private message. One guy sent a photo and he was 100 lbs heavier than in his profile photo.
--Be leary of "separated" status. That could mean just about anything.
--Ignore the person who is "online" constantly. Some people are truly addicted to dating sites.
--If you don't want H/W to know you are dating, set your profile to "hidden". This is a good tool but it will be your responsibility to search out a potential date.
--If someone messages you with "Hey Gorgeous" or sends you multiple messages in a row, they are desperate and superficial.
--Photos say a lot. If someone is hiking, biking, skiing, etc. in all their photos, you will be expected to participate in their activities. I have health issues so these people I pass over. I am never going to be able to keep up! Also, I take issue with people who post photos with their kids. I don't think that is fair to the kids or their ex. Also, don't post photos of you and your kids. There are pedophiles out there. Seriously.
--Beware the serial texter. If someone can't get beyond texting or messaging, you are wasting your time. At some point they have to take the leap to a phone call or date.
--Just be careful! There are a ton of married people and creeps on these sites. If you are meeting with someone, make sure a friend or someone knows who it is and where you are going.
--Be honest at some point about what you've gone through with separation/divorce but no need to talk about it right up front. Whatever you do, don't constantly talk about your ex.
--Don't introduce anyone to your children for at least 6 months. Don't even "run into them" somewhere with kids. Keep that world separate until relationship has potential for a forever situation.
--Do as I say and not as I do. Don't hook up on 1st or 2nd date. Wait. I have always had a different outlook and appreciation for sex than most women I know. If the situation and person is right, I can do a hook up without guilt, shame, or wanting more. It's just sex. Most people cannot do this. In fact, YOU could be ok with casual sex, but most others get falsely attached after sex--they confuse sex with love. I've had numerous men suddenly "interested" in me but I won't hook up with any of them because either they are icky or I know for a fact they couldn't handle having sex with me just once. Last thing I need is more drama in my life. MLC drama is enough.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my sharing. In some ways, we are all alike on this forum, but in other ways we are vastly different regarding our view of standing, sex, dating, GAL, and self-preservation. I ask that you do not judge. I do not judge those of you standing for years without exploring possible "meant to be" relationships, so please don't judge me for being who I am.

[nah]

This is the judgment-free thread.  I should have started it years ago as I might hold the record.

My husband was the only man I had ever been with b/c we met when I was 17.

I started an intimate relationship about a week after he left.  Yes, I already knew the person and yes, I already had a crush on him.  It wasn't the best decision in the world but I felt like it was something I needed to do.  At the time, I wanted husband back and I figured I wouldn't be able to look at him unless I evened the score.  Again, I was in a crazy state of mind.  That relationship lasted about 2 years.  During that time I had one night stands, several other "crushes with benefits", etc. 

Oh yes, hooking up with a younger guy after being with grumpy fat guy my whole life wasn't a too bad of an experience.  However, when I had to take this kid for ice cream afterwards, hmmm, one night of this might be enough for me.    For me, older men have much more to offer. 

For those of us who were in long term relationships and then thrown into the unknown, I think a thread like this can be beneficial.... or at least an exciting read.