Author Topic: My Story Removing the Crepe  (Read 5726 times)

Online 1trouble

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My Story Re: Removing the Crepe
« Reply #90 on: March 13, 2018, 03:40:59 PM »
Thank you for sharing your journey

As someone who is going into their 4th year on this ...

My answer to your question is you are a very compassionate person who like all of us has wanted to help and fix someone we loved/love but from self preservation,n has had to decide to save yourself, the alternative was to join your MLC'ers destruction..

MLC is like addiction, addicts are driven to destruction and so are MLC'ers and those who cannot face themselves or keep running are, in the end, destroying themselves.  Its been said many times these were good people before the crisis, which makes this so so hard to reconcile with their actions...but once they enter crisis then all bets are off ..
 
People who have addicts within their family unit are all faced with the choice you took, in the end.
Keep trying to save the addict/MLC'er and become an enabler and destroy yourself in the end OR to let go and leave them to make their own choices, knowing this could be destruction

Its survivers guilt you are dealing with and it is exacerbated when the person you had to let go of is someone you love and you can see what their choices hae brought them....no-one wants to see someone we love or care for suffering or down on their luck BUT
all I would say is the "choices" you faced were/are stark.
and there was no choice really at the time and now you have put yourself on a positive path.....

BUT your H had choices but he didn't take them......really what I say is the 'guilt' you talk about is a cocktail of sadness, compassion and concern for the H you knew and loved before this all happened and what you see now as the consequences, you are grieving for the life you could have had and sad for the person you knew.  Plus you have now found a new relationship and happiness from sorrow and its that last bit that's not sitting well with you.

I would suggest its a natural feeling, if you gain something from sorrow then its a mixed blessing BUT you do deserve this happiness, this new relationship
And that's the thing you have to work on accepting your good fortune and your H's situation as being a consequence of his choices.

You did nothng wrong, you made the best of the choices you were faced with, your H didn't and he now has to face the consequences of his decisions. 
If you are truly happy with the person you are with you will need to work on these feelings of guilt you face so as not to mar this relationship.

I think it may help you to read books on addiction (from the point of the families of addicts) and you will see the feelings you have are natural reactions to what you have been through when you choose life over destruction.

You will also see these are natural reactions from a kind compassionate and spiritual person
Take care of yourself and pray for your H and enjoy the life you have now and possibilities its given you
Life throws us curved balls for a reason
I wish you well xx
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 04:20:24 PM by 1trouble »
"I can't go back to yesterday I was a different person then"..............Alice in Wonderland

you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

Offline theheartknowsTopic starter

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Re: Removing the Crepe
« Reply #91 on: March 13, 2018, 11:06:59 PM »
Trouble,

Thank you!! I  greatly appreciate your input. Your post rings true..all of it!! Thank you, in particular, for this piece of wisdom:
                         "the "choices" you faced were/are stark.There was no choice really at the time
                                and now you have put yourself on a positive path....."

This was an important reminder to me. I was not given a choice. I did everything I knew how to hang in there and make our marriage work. If H had not been so darn ugly towards me,  I would still be right in there .... slowly being ground to pieces. I did what I had to do for survival..for living. I only wish he were happier. I will continue to pray for him. Thank you again for your thoughtful reply!
You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Removing the Crepe
« Reply #92 on: March 17, 2018, 12:08:52 PM »
THK, I don't have anything to add to what 1Trouble said. I will, however, share a mantra with you that my boyfriend shared with me from his yoga class. You say out loud or to yourself, "I'm sorry. I forgive myself. Thank you. I love you." I started using it to help myself stay away from the dark thoughts and anger I still have toward my xH. I am tired of being angry at him. I did tweak the mantra to "I forgive you". It does seem to help me let go just a little more.
trying2bok

Offline theheartknowsTopic starter

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Re: Removing the Crepe
« Reply #93 on: March 17, 2018, 08:19:44 PM »
A beautiful practice, Learning. Thank you!!!
You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”

 

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