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Discussion Re: question
#80: November 21, 2016, 01:15:26 AM
I agree with everything Elray said except for the last phrase..It is what YOU make it . I understand "it is what it is" being used as a phrase for acceptance. But for yourself it can be a positive healthier version of you.

 That's wonderful you can spend time and do things with and talk with your kids. Focus on what you do have instead of what you don't.


I guess.   I'm going to hold my course.   If people want to be a part of my life.   They can make an effort.

I never drove them away.   I'm not going to beg them to come back.


That works..and that will give you what you need to work on you. Then YOU get to decide who's a part of your life.

And you might want to not look at Facebook pages that trigger you or make you feel even sadder.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
h
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Re: question
#81: November 21, 2016, 03:49:02 AM
Quote from: in it on November 20, 2016, 04:26:27 PM
I know !! He told our kids he was going to divorce me in a year..he waited two months.

You ought to see what he traded me in for..BD then D. Then I'm stupid enough to go back!  :o

The last encounter with the ex sent me to the hospital and I couldn't even have him arrested!! Frustrated?? Pissed off ?? You damn right I was. >:(

Then I spend the last three years trying to heal from trauma and triggers.

Then my two girls I gave birth to I spent 20 plus years loving, emotionally supporting, hugging, home schooled, dedicated my life to ( I did everything for them that wasn't done for me by the mother I had) turned on me after I told them the truth about what happened..  :o

I stood up for and defended myself and now they have not contacted me at all in 3 years.. And I have no way to contact them..frustrated??..uhmmm you might say so. >:(

You gotta burn it off somehow RE. You can't bottle it all up or you are going to have serious health issues.




So sorry for everything you've been through in it., really rough stuff.
Hope the truth comes out for you one day and your girls and you are together again.
And that somehow some good comes out of this or it leads you to somewhere better in life.
Just never do know ,in ways it has for me already ,mind you any of that could blow up in my face too bc now we know that anything is possible buttttt, see what happens and good luck.


And the same to you RE and personally l believe it's really important to lighten up on yourself . You know , as people here have said to me 100 times . l didn't walk away , l wanted to stand and fight for our family even if l wasn't the perfect h in our later years . At the end of the day ,l was the one still standing.
Ya gotta let this stuff work through mate , at least that's what worked for me.



Edit - Fix quote brackets - OP
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« Last Edit: November 21, 2016, 05:41:01 AM by OldPilot »
Together 19yrs
BD, 2012
Divorce 16mths later
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Re: question
#82: November 21, 2016, 04:05:06 AM
Thanks Hawk..I've had to turn my thinking around to I might be happier without them. I simply will not send a message that what happened to me is ok..as women. The exow is insignificant compared to possibly losing your life. If my head had hit harder on the pavement I wouldn't be here typing this.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
h
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Re: question
#83: November 21, 2016, 04:26:33 AM
Quote from: in it on November 21, 2016, 04:05:06 AM
Thanks Hawk..I've had to turn my thinking around to I might be happier without them. I simply will not send a message that what happened to me is ok..as women. The exow is insignificant compared to possibly losing your life. If my head had hit harder on the pavement I wouldn't be here typing this.


Ahh no worries but sh2t , rough stuff in it. l'm feeling like your girls are gonna see the light one day though , and you'll be together again.
Kids make a lot of bad calls about parents sometimes , l know l did. Weird , one day though l just woke up and realized all of a sudden just how wrong l got it and mistook things.

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Together 19yrs
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Re: question
#84: November 21, 2016, 04:46:31 AM
Well if all they want to do is believe the lies they are being told. God bless them. I'm losing the need to explain anything to them.
I put up with his abuse long enough. He sold crazy to them..I'm not crazy. I was being abused.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
D
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Re: question
#85: November 21, 2016, 04:57:11 AM
How does staying angry serve you? That is the question that helped me move through that stage. Make it about you and what is best for your future.
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Re: question
#86: November 21, 2016, 05:03:17 AM
I guess it helps in detachment. I was stuck there for a very long time.

 I'm working on forgetting about the entire mess but not forgetting what it taught me. I do not want to make the same mistakes again. It hurts too much. Anger is a necessary thing in the grieving process. I underwent hypnosis and it helped with the grief.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
s
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Re: question
#87: November 21, 2016, 05:41:22 AM
How do you guys handle the manic episodes/rants?
When do these stop? After 1 year, 18 months, 2 years?
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nah

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Re: question
#88: November 21, 2016, 05:45:30 AM
Quote from: OceanMist34 on November 21, 2016, 05:41:22 AM
How do you guys handle the manic episodes/rants?
When do these stop? After 1 year, 18 months, 2 years?

From them or our own?
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ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com
s
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Re: question
#89: November 21, 2016, 06:18:56 AM
from the MLCer, my H will be calm but keeps his distance, barely any contact except to see the kids. Usually after a period of more than normal behavior (i.e. Taking the kids out more often than usual) comes angry rants via text messages and pushing for the divorce to be final
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