[Still Half full]

Thanks Denjef31 and UM

This thread is really helping me make sense of my MLCH's actions, I look forward to learning more and making a bit more sense out of what's happening 😊

[Watcher]

Wow, great insight, attaching

[gman242]

I could feel literally the shift from I was his number 1 priority to she doesn't want me so she is someone I will always care about, but I have to move on type of shift. He didn't try to convince me he was done. He just did it.

Thunder is great about driving this point home and many people echo the same thing. You have to GAL for you.

I too started changing, but I was also fishing for compliments, wanting her to notice how I made good on all of the things she said to me during BD. Then I realized, I need to be doing these things for me and not her, because there may not be a her later and that's when I just did it.

I took down the family photos, I inadvertently told her I got rid of a bunch of her old clothes to good will and suddenly she stopped snooping and peeking into every corner. I think she noticed the changes, but she kept that to herself. Gone were her gasps of "what did you do to my ?!?".

I think it sank in that she left and filed for divorce and I was moving on, like I told her I was going to. I texted her aunt under the pretext of seeing how she was doing after surgery, to see if W had really told her we were through and she did. I decided I was going to see someone for a friend date I met on match . com. She lives too far away to date and we just hit it off as friends and she had a lot of advice to give me about being D. It was well worth the experience to see how strong she had grown and I knew I would get through this too.

On the way back I texted W that I would have the rest of her stuff boxed up and ready to go on Saturday. What was I going to do? Another Thunder-ism. She told her family, she's living with OM and divorce is pending. Next day she wants to cancel the divorce.

That's where I'm at now. The future will tell the rest, but I'm ready to move on if need be. I've crossed that bridge.

[Butterfly777]

Denjef, I again have to say how much this thread is needed! Thank you for sharing your journey with us , ultimately so we can heal !!

 I just have to say there's a huge difference between getting a life truly for ourselves and getting a life thinking we're going to save the marriage !

 This is something that I have realized when the lightbulb went off and I am headed on that journey now . There's something that clicks and you can still have hope and there will be moments of cycling , but when you truly get a life for yourself and start enjoying the day to day adventures and start getting to know who you are again and all that fills you with joy... That's when the light bulb clicks . It's for you to heal and get on with your life and not that you need someone else there at all , it's all about getting to know who you are again ! There's a moment in this that doesn't have anything to do with anger or betrayal or fear where you crossover and realize this is life today and start walking in the journey and rediscovering who you are as an individual !! Not saying that there aren't moments especially the times dealing with the MLCers... But when you truly start looking at yourself and rediscovering yourself and doing your mirror work , realizing the things that you need to change in yourself to benefit yourself that's when the light bulb goes off . We can't change them , all we can do is pray , all we can change is ourselves and our path . When it's raw and fresh, we grasp at trying to fix it. The pain is beyond belief and our lives have been destroyed – truly a bomb went off . But there does come a moment when we take care of ourselves . And when that happens it's an automatic detachment and get a life !

 Thanks again for sharing , because it truly gives insight to what's going on on the other side and it is helped me especially to keep my anger and self-doubt in check !! Absolutely has let me know that it isn't about me which is truly a blessing !! God bless you and I will be praying for you and your family !

[MourningDove]

Attaching.

[Thunder]

gman,

Did you box her stuff up?

I hope you did.
You are not a storage facility.  People pay money to store their belongings.

No matter what she says actions speak louder than words.
Look at her actions, not her words.

[Treasure]

Attaching x

[Shelly7435]

Den:
My H used to say (he doesn't anymore) that we needed to get a D and then later on in life find see where it goes but knew I would not wait for him.  Now he is pushing the D. What is that all about?  I may have missed it in the thread

[gman242]

Thunder, its sitting in tbe garage .. She tried to keep me from going to my lawyer tuesday, i went anyway. Being prepared.
Its all actions and not words at this point.

[strength]

denjef, could you explain the tunnel?  I am hoping you have time to read my posts.  We are 3+ years now.  At times I hear I love you, then "you were a terrible wife"   H told me 2 days ago how miserable he is and his life is very twisted.  I will wait to hear from you.  Hopefully, we can talk more.  I have moved very far away from the situation.  OW living in our home.  She won the lottery.  Almost 40 year age difference.