[denjef31]

Hello Everybody,

I really didn't feel all that well this weekend so I took a much needed reprieve to get some rest and relax as my neck, shoulder was in pain. Think I pulled a muscle during clinicals. Then I felt nauseated all weekend. I feel much better, got a 94 on my pharmacology final class exam, and another test tomorrow. In fact all this week as this is the end of this quarter I will be pretty much having a test thru Friday. Bear with me please.

I know I have some post to respond to and I will, hate that it is taking longer than expected as I know the feeling with wanting a question answered. I will be back soon

[Thunder]

Aw den,

You don't worry about it right now.

Rest up. No ones going anywhere.   

[krathos]

Den congrats on your test and good luck on the rest of them.
Take all the time you need we will be here and besides you don't need to explain yourself, we all appreciate your knowledge and advice.

[denjef31]

StillBaffled,

I feel for you. MLC can be very frustrating when they peek out then go back into the tunnel. From what you said it sounds as your H ended it with OW, he was still dealing with his depression and probably withdrawal from the OW. At that time maybe he picked up a vibe, misread what he believe to be what you were feeling, or perhaps you said things out of frustration that lead him to believe that you would never be able to truly forgive him and let it go so rebuilding and healing can begin.

Not saying that is the case, I am saying that at that time it was easier for H to run back to OW then to face the pain and hurt he has caused. Is it fair to the LBS that we have to walk on eggshells, humbles ourselves beyond sanity, tread lightly because our spouse is having a MLC? NO it isn't, but at the same token it is what we the LBS end up doing to some degree to show that forgiveness is within reach, happier times are ahead, and that the marriage can be better than it ever was before.

I feel as LBS that I am eating crow right now, to show my H that I have forgiven him, that I can be and we can be a happy married couple again. I feel I am taking on more of the burden than he is. I also know that I desire to fix the marriage more than he does right now so I have to do more than my fair share to get us there. I throw truth darts when it is necessary but I often hold back more than I want to. I don't say everything that is on my mind, I don't share my hurts, my frustration with him. I don't cry, I don't complain. I know that would serve no purpose right now but send him back to what is easier for him.

Your H has turned away for now, but that doesn't mean that he will not try again. OW has to let up on her façade and the wall has to start crumbling more and the chatter in his head has to get louder again for him to have to try again. Sometimes it takes multiple false returns for the MLC'er to make the commitment. If he should want to reconnect and try again, can you be strong enough for the both of you to bite your tongue, put your hurt to the side temporarily so he can have trust to lean on you and heal?


Denjef31

[denjef31]

I couldn't resist not posting to at least one question  I will be back tomorrow after school

[xyzcf]

 

94 on pharmacology...AWESOME!!!!!

Take good care of yourself...we'll still be here (unfortunately!)

Thank you for sharing your experiences...even for a old timer like me, it is still always helpful to hear what an MLCer is going through and how similar the stories are.

[denjef31]

New Thread, moderators please close this one.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8491.0