[Anjae]

Like Elegance said, Vanisher vanish. It is like they di not exist in any wa7, shape or form.

I have an irresponsible vanisher.

[em5731]

I also have a responsible vanasher. He comes by a few times a month. Blows the horn my daughter goes outside says hi.  He figures he is good. He did his time and he leaves. He sends me enough money every week to pay all the bills.

[heroIam]

Thanks Rebecca for chiming in.

[calamity]

Yesterday I learned of a case where the h, who seemed to be responsible, up and removed money from the lbs' account...this after years of doing nothing.  Just saying, be careful and get it in writing.  Notarized.  The monster can rear it's ugly head years into mlc.  Don't forget, if there's an op in the picture you have NO idea what's going on but be sure, he/she will be applying pressure and validating the mlcer's sense of entitlement.

Just a note:  many mlcers can go completely bonkers in all ways but be cold, calculating and completely rational when it comes to settling with the lbs.  We have many examples of 35+ year marriages where the lbs is left in poverty or would have been if the lbs had 'trusted' the mlcer.  This is one of the ways I would identify mlc vs 'normal' divorce.

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/self-focus/financial-protection-while-standing/

[Kat0465]

After I filed, and while he was still at home. he closed our joint checking down and moved everything to his acct. Told me he was protecting both of us... I was so sick at the time it was just one more Blow.

after he left,he would put a small amount in my acct twice a month. he still continues this today. while I work 2 part time jobs to make ends meet. he mentioned several months ago, that "you must be a gozillionaire, working 2 jobs"  and I truly believe he thinks I am as they say in the south "SH*$$ing in High Cotton"....

[LisaLives]

hero, I would encourage you to be careful.  I know of several cases where this happened and the LBS was left devastated when he finally stopped being responsible...  My former BIL is a bit of a sociopath, but he and his wife were supposedly on great terms, with him having several OW and just needing "space."  He filed, said he didn't mean it, told her to ignore the papers and when she figured out she was hours away from losing everything and rushed to the courthouse, he went ballistic.  She lost most, the only thing she didn't lose was HER family business, the judge took mercy--can you believe it, he tried to take HER business, as if he would know what to do with it... 

Another friend from here seemed like one of those meek, mild, responsible, no OW--I asked her if he might be gay and just trying to stay in the closet--for years.  But when whatever it is finally kicked in, she almost lost everything, too.  And she found out he had been manipulating things in the background, just like my exBIL did, changed ownership of assets, retitled cars, all of it, while they were still "happily married" to the rest of the legal world.  So the financial BD was far worse, in some ways.  And it is if you still have too much hope and truly believe you are safe.  Just be careful, please.  You have to do what you have to do, but prepare for the worst, whatever that means to you.  Love and light, ll

[Kat0465]

I wil also mention, that I have an acct that he can not touch.my truck is in my name only. the only thing left on our name is the house(I know the Biggest thing)

the way his 401 is. he cannot draw from it without both of us signing. now not saying he wouldn't forge my name......its scary trusting a MLCer. after all, he did things I never in a million years thought he would do.

[Anjae]

I think some of you are confusing a vanisher with a boomerang or an on & off. A vanisher does not comes by a few times a month. A vaninhser never, ever comes by. A vanisher has no contact with their LBS.

A vanisher completly disapears from LBS and kids life.

Yes, MLCers can be very cold when it comes to money and settling with their LBS. They can also leaves us with nothing.

[Kat0465]

Sorry I called H  a vanisher.. But someone that does that the first year, then you might see then twice a year if lucky. I call that vanishing. Maybe the couple of contacts a year is a touch and go.... As far as the text almost every morning. I don't know what to call that. Since l won't respond anymore. Those have stopped... It put me in a place of hope and expectation. I don't believe it makes one difference in the outcome to all this...so i stopped it...

[POOWOO]

Hi all BD was Aug 2015  my H pays half the morgage but I have not heard or seen anything from him we have no children and we're together 20 years he has just left and I have had no contact since I feel like I'm living with a ghost as still in our home just waiting for him to contact about the house or divorce but so far poof he is gone