[denjef31]

New Thread as we were past 150 post. Don't want to get in trouble 

Previous thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8451.msg550967#new

[Treasure]

Attaching ..
Well done on your 94 .. Brilliant.
Hope you feel better x

[Keep believing]

Im here

[handpuppets]

Attaching; and kudos on your exam.

[stillbaffled]

Coming along, Denjef. 

At the end of your last thread you wrote a response back to me that I think you meant for somebody else.  My exH has never tried to come back and is still currently quite enamored with the OW.  He is a vanisher.  There is no contact between us even though we live 5 minutes apart. 

You must have meant your detailed answer for somebody else!   

But hey....way to go on that test!

[Shelly7435]

Congrats on the test and good luck on the rest this week!!

[Still Half full]

Thank you so much Denjef, I'm pretty certain your reply was for me as StillBaffled posted a helpful response on my post 😊

I really appreciate your thoughts on my situation, what you've said feels like a perfect summation of how I felt and how I imagine he felt. I'm sure that there is more than just me and StillBaffled that feel like this and your words will help all of us

I think I was tougher on him than I realised, I did constantly tell him that I had hope, but I did feel like he should be crawling back on broken glass to get another chance with me and I was disappointed that he wasn't.


StillBaffled said

If I were to contact him I feel as though it makes me look "needy" and trying to compete for his attention and that is not me.  I will never, ever beg anyone to be with me

SB said the above which Is exactly how I felt too. I didn't ever want him to think I was desperate for him so I did not pave the way either.  I'm grateful that I have a better understanding of MLC now and IF he tries again I might be able to  handle things differently

Neither of us wanted to talk about emotional stuff all the time but we couldn't seem to be natural with each other and  I think he could always see my disappointment, I don't think I tried to hide that from him, so I think you're right, it was easier to run back to OW

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really am so very grateful. I'm going to copy my question and your reply onto my own thread as I know I will want to keep reading what you wrote. I will also keep reading these threads because I'm finding them really enlightening

I really hope your feeling better, massive congratulations on your 94%,  wow, what you're achieving is incredible with everything your going through in your own relationship and you're still finding time to answer our questions, you're going to be a fantastic nurse, your strength and kindness shines out, thank you and good luck with your upcoming exams 😊

Another thank you 😊

[Watcher]

Attaching Denjef, congrats on the exam.

[strength]

Where is the new thread? 

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Denjef, congratulations on your final exam grade. That's a fantastic accomplishment, especially for somebody who has been through an MLC and is now dealing with an MLCer.

I'm finally getting caught up with these threads and I've been wanting to mention that I find what Denjef is writing to be very credible because I went through a mild crisis (no ow) and much of what she has been writing mirrors what I was feeling at the time. I'm especially interested in the parts about the relationship with the op since I didn't go that far so I find that part of my wife's MLC difficult to comprehend. I do believe, though, that the relationship with the om is a compulsion and in my wife's case I think it's intensified by a narcissistic om who is very good at emotional abuse and manipulative behavior. I'm interested in reading Denjef's answer to the question that was posted several pages back regarding how she now feels about the om in her situation.

Note to StillBaffled. Standing requires a lot of faith. Faith in the person your spouse once was, faith that you once had a good, strong marriage, faith in the MLC process, and faith in your ability to maintain your love for your spouse throughout their MLC. Some of these are easier when you have a boomerang or a clinging boomerang then they are when you have a vanisher like your MLCer but there's one more thing I have faith in and I believe it also applies to you. That is, faith that the op is such an affair down that eventually the relationship with the op will become so bad that the MLCer will be forced to question why they ever got involved with the op in the first place and that will be the beginning of the MLCer's awakening. That's my expectation but maybe Denjef can confirm or deny this possibility.