[MoreWillBeRevealed]

Everything is going great for me and the holidays. Since I won't have S5 on xmas eve night and Christmas day, I have plans to hit some "marathon" 12 step meetings and am going to my close friends' who are awesome cooks. I've always had the custody schedule of having my other kids (adults now age 29 and 20) till 6pm xmas eve. As such, all of our family's traditions are on Christmas eve till 6pm.

I have actually been able to co-parent well with H in planning holidays. I had to communicate with him several times yesterday and then this morning. I really don't like this much contact but it's regarding S5. Started out H needing me to keep S5 the night before Christmas eve because he said he needed to go to a 12 step meeting and meet up with another recovering addict. As much as I can't stand him, I support his recovery and am glad he's going back to meetings. Plus, I'll have S5 the day and evening prior to xmas eve and xmas eve till 6pm.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

So another 2 holidays down, and changes are taking place all around.

This month is supposed to be the month that the EX is moving back to our state, not far from where we live now. The kids are pissed because he's planning to be back in time for MD's Bday which is at the end of this month. We have no clue if he's bringing Gollum ( the kids name for her not mine [ although they have other friends who have told them to stop insulting Gollum ] ) with him to live.

That'll be interesting if he does. Bringing the AD/OW to a small town where he broadcasted all of his and her relationship for everyone to see. I hope she doesn't plan on attending any swim meets. That will be something to behold. I'm staying completely NC. His choice, he has to live with it.

I'm just a little baffled... Why on earth would he want to come back to the one place he claims he hated so much? It's really blows the mind how crazy they can be. I was the reason for his ______ ( fill in the blank with every script you can think of ), and why he had to divorce me. I'm not buying this he wants to be closer to his kids BS, he barely acknowledges or contacts them. I doubt seriously that he even remembers that they exist until someone asks him.

So, they aren't even remotely interested in why, let alone that he's coming back at all. They would prefer to act like he doesn't exist. He's been a special kind of s*it since this whole thing got started. And don't even get me started on the AD... Talk about feeling threatened by me. Wow, the s*it she pulls is legendary, but I guess it's all par for the course. IF she moves here, we won't be putting up with her s*it, even if I have to go to court to ensure it. He's her problem now.

MD unfriended him on FB. So now he and the AD have resorted to tagging each other, and the AD tags my OD so that it can come through MD's timeline if OD shares it with her. MD doesn't really do FB so, it's all in vain. She's no longer letting that bunch take her to crazytown. They seem to know far more about us, then we know or care to know about them. I still see that XH and AD are still reading my blog. There's only a few posts that I wrote specifically for their viewing pleasure. It should be very clear that I have indeed moved on. 

Well it's 2017, and I'm ready for a new chapter in my life. I'm not going to keep being dragged back to 2016 by him and his antics. This is a new year, and time for me and my kids to finish moving on. No matter what he does.

Is there anyone else that is dealing with a CB that is hellbent on disrupting your new found peace? Anyone with a MLCer that is dragging their feet with the divorce they so desperately wanted ( been there ) and accusing you of it? Anyone dealing with projection this season regarding the kids not wanting to see or talk to them? Any AD/OP's that really took a stab at your Christmas/New Years?

Anyone new to Dim and Dark or No Contact? Anyone gone ghost recently?

[bluerose]

My h has always said the phone lines go both ways but yet he is putting the responsibility of communication on a 12 year old liftle girl. She did however call him on November 12 and confronted him about how she felt about things and he brushed her off. It was easy to see that during parts of the conversation,she had him on speaker phone, she was the adult and he was the 12year old. She told him that she was cutting herself and he just didnt care. He still has tet to call and check on her. He wanted a daughter so badly and i gave him one. Now he has nothing to do with her. She however said that she is done with him. This kills me everyday.

[Nas]

Oh boy,  talk about dragging his feet and then accusing me of it. I first started asking him for his financial disclosure form in December 2015. It took him until May 2016 to give it to me, and at that time it was hand written and contained many errors. Then I had to chase him all summer to try to get him to sign the separation agreement my lawyer drafted. I was constantly met with ridiculous excuses  ("I couldn't talk to my lawyer because there was a thunderstorm.")

Finally at the end of August I said I would have my lawyer file and he said no, to save me the expense he would have his lawyer do it. Then nothing for weeks on end. At the end of October,  he found out I was moving 700 miles away. Then he had his lawyer hastily draft paperwork using my old address. He presented this paperwork to me three days before I was set to move to a new state, knowing there was no way I would have time to have it  reviewed by my lawyer and signed in front of a notary public before I moved.

 At that point, he said he was withholding any more alimony payments until his lawyer received the signed paperwork, which of course I can't sign until some things are changed on it.

 It was at this point he sent me a delusional email saying that he was withholding payments because "I've been trying to get you to do this for a year and I don't want it to drag out any longer."

Since then I have emailed him twice to let him know that my lawyer has the paperwork and to ask him what his lawyer has said about moving forward, considering the confusion now that I live in a different state. Crickets. He will not respond to me anymore.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Bluerose, all I can say is it's not going to get any better. Just keep your daughter in therapy, and do the best you can. Those of us that pray are indeed praying for you. They just don't want to deal with any responsibility, and will argue the kids down. Believe me, my younger 2 have been through it. IF she doesn't want to deal with him, then let him live with the consequences. Kids have really long memories, and when he finally realizes that she doesn't care anymore... Well, you get the picture.

Nassau, I feel your pain. We were set to move over the summer. We had a roommate that was jealous of the fact that she went through the same thing, and my XH had to pay up. Hers didn't, so she left us high and dry with the rent and security deposit. That was a major set back. Before that, when we had to move because the house got foreclosed on, he only deposited $600 for the months of July and August. I had just gotten a job, and he took the money I needed to pay for my lawyer. Thank God my family stepped in. We were planning on moving back then too. Deja vu? Not this time, I luckily learn from my past mistakes. I don't mention anything about moving anywhere but here.

Now he's moving back to the state? Probably trying to derail our plans to move no doubt. He knows that we hate it here, and will leave first chance we get. They throw very serious financial tantrums at our expense. The deposit will probably be late, again. Which means late fees for me, and less money for my MD's Bday. Does that sound like a plan to anyone? Twisted and crazy, I want no more part of that, thank you very much.

I'm forging ahead to 2017. I don't really give him much thought other than financially to be honest. That's all he is to us these days: a deposit at the beginning of the month. Period. That's all he'll ever be to me from now on. I know that chaos and confusion follow him, and I'm not going to let him disrupt our lives any longer. Besides, if he brings the AD, then they're both running from something. Bringing it up here to my stomping grounds won't help. The need for drama is so passe', and yes, I'm past it.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Ok, so today I'm finding that my patience is really being tested.

The XH has decided to relocate back to the area. He will be arriving the day before what would have been our 22nd anniversary on the 20th of this month. MD birthday is on the 29th and he wants to do something with her. She of course doesn't want to have anything to do with with him.

He also been texting me for the last 2 days which is a big no-no. He's supposed to send things through the mail. That's the only way that I will deal with him. And, you guessed it, he won't do that, that sounds too much like telling him what to do.

The divorce decree states NO contact unless regarding the kids. He's been violating that since the day after the divorce hearing, so for me NC has been the last and final boundary that I will not let him violate.

At any rate, now he's texting the girls everyday like he's been here all along. They are just as tired of the BS as I am. So now he's acting like he's coming home. Has he got a surprise in store for him: we aren't interested in playing this game any longer. I'm not sure how the girls are going to respond when he gets here, but he won't be getting one from me on anything that doesn't concern the girls. And even then, it's going to be all written correspondence. Period.

OD's best friend came over to return the house key she had while were away at Christmas, and guess what? The OD still hasn't said anything to even her about XH leaving. Now that's telling. Can you say E&A yet again. Don't even know if the hag is coming with. If she is, this is a small town, and I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. Not in this neck of the woods.

At any rate, he really is pushing to see if I'm going to break NC. Nope, not going to happen. So we'll see if "Monster" comes out again to throw his usual tantrum.

In 15 more days, we'll find out...

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

Hi my3girls, so sorry your XH is definitely moving closer to you. I think they overstep boundaries like texting because they 1. think we should be over it all by now. 2. feel entitled. 3. believe the rules don't apply to them. What does E&A mean?

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Hi More,
E&A: Escape and Avoid.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

So now I have to put my money where my mouth is. He's definitely coming back to the states. Not relishing this. I have to admit it was easier to stay NC while he was living elsewhere. This may or may not complicate things. Not sure.

I do know that he's trying to reconnect with the kids, so this is going to probably be an interesting week. He's relocating back to the area this Friday. I don't know what his plans, are. And, quite frankly, I don't care. As long as he leaves me alone, it's all going to go well.

I don't know if the AD is coming with. That could pose a problem with the kids: they hate her. She had been trying to get on their good side. Not an easy task since EX as been a real SOB. Not helping her case at all.

My hope is that he doesn't try to manipulate the kids. That would be a real mistake on his part. They're more savvy now.

Question

Is anyone else out there dealing with a long distance MLCer that has decided to relocate back to their area? Or one that has relocated already? If you're NC or Dim and Dark, how did you handle the situation?

[hawk]

Hey my3.
Nice , sorta , to read your intro as l got sick of the same thing and felt l maybe got a bit heavy on my last thread intro but you do get fed up with explaining and almost defending so l'm with you all the way.

l don't think it's surprising at all he wants to move back, obviously time has shown him how bloody stupid he was moving away from his own kids and acting the way he did. Hopefully he even realizes the damage he has done to them and is willing to go through anything now to prove himslef to them again and rebuild their relationship.
l'd give all that a chance and l hope the kids let him in bc they only have one childhood and one dad and to block the way they are is just pure hurt underneath which maybe in time can be salvaged if he proves himself to them again this time.
l really hope he does or l'm coming over to kick his effg ass good.

life in general ,l've been moving on 12 mths or so now myself. Have no interest in R anymore she's just too different and l'm not attracted to her anymore really either, she's not the person l would have stood for 4yrs ago.
Lots of changes in my world. First l moved out the rental l rented after selling our house and over to my little cabin in a tiny town.
That turned out to be a really bizarre experience in itself , in a good way , funny, bc l was dreading it. Only moved over to clear some left over debt and get on my feet last resort.
But l couldn't see my d as much from there , that was bad, but l also learnt how to be alone again , that was good, and l met some great people over there and also got involved with someone new.
l sorta found a peace again , yaknow.
The new one probably isn't gonna work out , various reasons and some biggies that are hard to do much about but it did show us both that life goes on and can even be even better than it was before , lotta fun, so a big lesson there for both of us as she was going through much the same.

So l;ve slowly gotten on my feet and meanwhile d and l were looking at different areas and after 15 mths or so of that l found a new place in a good town and nice and close to d , that we really liked.
So l managed to get that awhile back and moved in 3 or 4 mths ago.
It's a renovator which l love doing , love anything in property and houses and so l've been slowly still getting back on my feet and starting bits and pieces to the place.
love the house , not 100% on the town yet , not sure how much l fit in here but time will tell l guess and hopefully things will pan out.
So that's the main thing goin on right now.
D's been busier than ever so although l'm back close l'm not really seeing her as much as l'd like but she is a teen with a million friends and a new bf so dado's not quite toppa the list right now but that's cool l get it and she knows l'm here , the place is here and just as much hers as mine , she still comes and goes but she's on a huge friend kick right now and with the new bf well , hey l'm good but l'm not that good haha.
No doubt in time she'll get her rhythm back in coming and going as she usually does getting use to a new place.
But in the meantime it gives me time to my own life so l'm playing with the house and getting out and about. Got some free wkends for a change too here and there so that's pretty big.

Bout it for now but as for the future , who knows l guess.
Good luck with everything going on and l hope that dad of theirs repairs some of the damage he's done.