[Shadoe]

M3G,


I am not divorced yet, though final orders were supposed to be filed last month, he is dragging his feet. For the most part we are NC except if it has to do with final orders. In most cases I let my attorney handle it though did have contact with him last night that reminded me why I went NC in the first place. For me NC was best for me. I honestly have no desire to see or speak to him and since we do not have children together there really isn't a reason to have to talk to him.


Someone I dated long ago came back into my life about 8 months after he moved out. He and I have been seeing each other regularly but he understands that right now I am not ready for any serious commitment though he has expressed the desire for me to move closer to where he is. I just don't want to make any serious decisions until this is over and I have had a chance to clear my head more.


My days are spent working on building the Design/Development company I am a partner in and building the new company I just opened on my own. Since I work from home, I work the hours that are convenient for me and when I can't sleep then I just work to take my mind of things. Weekends are spent with my kids and grandkids, with two new babies there is always a lot going on. Of course my other babies (3 horses) keep me occupied as well. Their antics definitely keep me on my toes.

[Kat0465]

HI All,
I just saw this discussion, and just in time as I have went NC. I was tired of Hoping that something would change, cause with each Text I responded to I had Hope

Hope=Expectations, and that vicious cycle was keeping me stuck. Its time to get on with life.

The Brief Story about contact is.Almost every morning id get a "God bless you K , Hope you have a good day"  they were almost always the same, Sometimes they were more detailed, and for the past 3 months he would even include a Little Cute Meme..

I Stopped replying Nov 6th.. he continued for about 2 weeks, but they since have stopped altogether. Which ill admit has really shook me.but its something I did for me.i also believe it makes no difference either way if he comes back or not.

thanks for starting the discussion, its interesting to see what others are going thru.

[Tyks]

Same with me. Each text was hopeful and the. The hopes were gone. Crash.

Hope _ expectations

[Absolutely Fabulous]

So NC has been working pretty well for the ones that use it. Sanity and peace are worth it. I know that it can be really difficult to continue with the status quo when you're dealing with someone that is only interested in maintaining control.

D&D works well with those who have smaller kids. It can't be helped. Our kids seem to be another way that they try to maintain control. Mine are old enough to be able to decide if they really want to deal with him or not. We haven't heard anything more about him moving back to the state, so it might have been a touch and go. Not sure. Or maybe a fishing expedition.

We need to be the ones to control the communication, no matter what.

[calamity]

Here's the blog on 'No contact'.  NC is not usually recommended unless the mlcer is violent but I'm not sure you mean the same thing by NC.

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/communication/the-no-contact-boundary-beware/

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/communication/no-contact_clearing-up-the-confusion/

[xyzcf]

M3G why do you think this?

We need to be the ones to control the communication, no matter what.

[Kat0465]

I've tried to go NC. But only lasted a few days. I always fell Right back into it.

 I've went NC after months of praying about this whole thing.. For me, God  opened my eyes to some harsh realities I have not wanted  to face... He gave me a second chance at life. (I was very ill and almost died.) Its time for me to live that and be my best Me! Am I saying I wouldn't take him back... Absolutely not,I still think he's my  soul mate. But right now I have to put him away.. And I still don't think it will make one bit of difference weather he comes out of this or not

[hard work]

I like the idea of this tread M3G. It gives a perspective of where the more "mature" LBS has got to!
Even with 3 kids aged from 21 to 11 my contact with X is extremely limited. I have no inclination at all to contact her unless it is absolutely necessary and regards the kids. She does try and contact me fairly regularly often with angry spewing which is very easy to ignore. I do feel sorry for her as my kids have said that she seems to be looking for the end of the rainbow, but keeps moving in the opposite direction. There is nothing that attracts me to her any more and in any dealings I try and treat her as I would any other acquaintance. I find this to a good place to be as any responses that I make to her are not emotionally linked. Her latest way of indirectly communicating with me is to pass messages to me through my kids.
As far as dating, I have not made a conscious effort to go out looking. I have no intention of becoming a recluse, but am not going to try and force myself into any form of relationship. With all the internal work done I would rate most people on this site as being quite a catch by the way!!

[Watcher]

Hi everyone,

I have been NC 2 months now. We have 2 teenagers and I see them whenever I want. I just work around her schedule this way we don't have to see each other. I enacted it for peace and sanity because she has a nasty Monster. It works.

She has her own MLC er NC on me so that also helps . We have a NC standoff apparently.

Now NC has given me plenty of time to analyze our marriage. It has made me question many aspects of our dysfunction. Honestly it has made me question as to whether I want to be with this woman anymore. Maybe that's the point of NC.

I am also a realist. If there is any hope for a reconnection than NC cannot go on forever. I am surprisingly in a state of numbness in regards to my W. Again, maybe that's the point. I had to get my feelings for her under control.

My W placed us in Limbo. I'm learning that I don't like Limbo. I want to break out of Limbo. Maybe NC finally gives me the nerve to break out.

I had to get my desire for her under control. It's just not there anymore and that's a good thing because she used it to her advantage. So in a way, we are both finally on the same playing field in regards to our emotional detachment.

I also have to add that I clearly stated to her why I had to go NC. My IC says its important that she understand. She was particularly abusive one night so I left. Her raging anger and abuse crossed my boundary. So now she knows what she must do to remedy the situation. Hahaha, I'm not holding my breath. We will see what happens.

[Strongcurrent]

Hi my3g

I was a regular contibuter to HS but since my D has been final I have found it hard to contribute.

I know my H will not return
My H has not seen his son for over a year and his daughter for nearly 2.  He has tried but both kids do not want him in their life - his attempts to reverse this have been utterly pathetic and without real feeling.  We have very little need to contact H and for me I have only really started to heal since going NC.  Before I looked and held on to every little crumb that came my way - over anaylsing his every move and expecting at every turn for him to come home.

I know I don't want him - saw a photo of him yesterday at his xmas function and he looked repulsive - but I feel I want someone in my life but it's hard to start again.  I have lots of friends, my life is ultra busy but deep down below the surface I miss that certain intimacy of a longterm partner .  It is also such a longtime since I have dated ... Do I read signs wrong ... I have several male friends who constantly text me but is this just friendship And shouldn't I be just happy with friendship ... I am finding this next stage quite tricky - I do not ever want to be desperate to have just any man in my life...

Bit of a ramble but I guess some of you will understand

SC