[Absolutely Fabulous]

No worries More, In it and RTR did too, and they've been on heer longer.  Honest mistake.  It's all good.

I really thought that newbies would be put out by the posts, and I didn't want any to feel like people had "just given up". When this first happens, you're searching for any glimmer of hope that this will pass quickly. I didn't want to dash anyone's hope. At first it's all you really have.

Just glad that the dust has settled and everyone is now on the same page.

[OldPilot]

FWIW I was and still am NC/DD with my ex.

Looking backwards I think part of my reason for doing it was it was the only thing
that I could DO with a Wallower turned to Vanisher.

She does not contact me, never has and so I do the same thing back.

I was the pursurer in the relationship and that is one way she could keep CONTROL.
When I stopped pursuing their was no  more CONTROL.

SO I think that part of it comes down to each situation, possibly the type of contact that
exists. Certainly if I had a clinger things may have been quite different.

[gman242]

M3G, it's hard on every forum where you have so many situations lumped together. I was on a (musical) keyboard forum for years and we kept getting talked to be the mods about social behavior on the forum. There was an off topic forum on there, but it was all guitar players and they're a different breed from us keyboarders! lol.

Ideally, if it's ok with the forum (and it usually never is) there'd be a forum for each "social" group, Newbies, D&D, NC, long term and I'd like to see a men's LBS forum honestly.

It's just all the headaches that come with being a forumite!

[Absolutely Fabulous]

M3G, it's hard on every forum where you have so many situations lumped together. I was a (musical) keyboard forum for years and we kept getting talked to be the mods about social behavior on the forum. There was an off topic forum on there, but it was all guitar players and they're a different breed from us keyboarders! lol.

Ideally, if it's ok with the forum (and it usually never is) there'd be a forum for each "social" group, Newbies, D&D, NC, long term and I'd like to see a men's LBS forum honestly.

It's just all the headaches that come with being a forumite!

Gman, It's a lot like trying to herd cats at best, and baptize them at worst. They had a men's forum here on HS, it was called the "Man Cave". It didn't end well.

OP, you've seemed to come a long way. How are things going for you now? Are you interested in reconciliation, or are you done? You've been on here for a while, and I know that you've seen and read it all. From what you've observed, what do you make of the whole Dim/Dark versus No contact debate? What's your take based on being on HS for a while?

[OldPilot]

OP, you've seemed to come a long way. How are things going for you now? Are you interested in reconciliation, or are you done? You've been on here for a while, and I know that you've seen and read it all. From what you've observed, what do you make of the whole Dim/Dark versus No contact debate? What's your take based on being on HS for a while?

I think there is more hype than it deserves.

Until 2 people want to reconcile and have a relationship, their can not be one.
One person can do everything right  and NOT reconcile.
Another can do everything wrong and reconcile.
Or any other combination in between the above two.

In the end we each have to do what is right for ourselves.
As far as me, well I guess I am doing what I was meant to do.

My ex and I met up three times this past summer for two graduations and a wedding.
We were cordial to each other but their was nothing more than that.
I would say that is the best that I can hope for.
I am past the point of really caring for more or expecting any more than that.
If she treats my children and my future grandchildren well  I will be happy.

I am close to 8 years past bomb drop.
Things are going well for me and I have learned much in this time.

So that is my .02

[in it]

I think another thing I recently learned and I think I can agree with is:

 Hope= expectation.

 Having expectations leads to disappointments. And I'm pretty sure that's most of the pain I deal with. I still am trying to deal with losing my kids in this.

I have to give up or let go of any hope of a relationship with them or I will continue to allow it to keep upsetting me.

Although it is really nice not to have someone around trying to control my emotions..tell me to stop having them..freaking out at me....or telling me I shouldn't cry.(the ex)

Just the sentence "Giving up hope" to me has such a negative connotation about it.
So if it translates to "Giving up expectation"  somehow makes it not sound so awful.

Struggling today..trying to blame it on the holidays. I don't really want to because I really like Christmas. I just cannot wait until this one is over with.

[Tyks]

In it, I think a lot of us feel that way. I cannot wait for the 24hours to be over with. Christmas will just not be the same ,. (((hugs))))

[Shelly7435]

Init and T;
I feel the same way.

My D will be final in 27 days.  I have been D&D for 6 weeks.  I am on they same pages as Tyks.  I become mush and takes me days to recover. I am not sure if I am done yet or not.   

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I guess the next thing to ask about is how are you all handling the holidays?

I'm staying NC and my kids are still Dim and Dark. He's not keeping up the contact so who knows what's really going on. This is the first Christmas that he's not going to be around the younger 2 girls. He chose to bring the AD/OW to his nephew's wedding last month, so he's not able to see the girls during his designated custody arranged time. Couldn't afford to do both. Priorities...  The girls aren't fazed, and are really happy to be spending it with no drama and without his antics.

This is going to be the first Christmas since the divorce where there are no more issues for the girls and I at least.

[in it]

I'm spending mine with family..cousins and an Aunt.I'm looking forward to a lot of laughs, good food, and people who I love and who love me.

The same way I have spent the last two holidays.

No drama or negativity. And continued NC for my peace.