[denjef31]

Watcher,


I will start this off with your question from fog 3. Yes it can start just like that. She can. Obviously she built up enough strength to even say she is willing to try. Be careful though, she still is deflecting it on you, and it sounds to me she is acting like she is doing you a favor. She still has a lot of work to do. Take things with her very, very slow and truly DO NOT have any expectations. This may be a false start for her, but look at this if nothing else, that this is a desire within her to reconnect and rebuild at some point. She may or may not be strong enough just yet.

Denjef31




previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8491.0

[Watcher]

Thanks Denjef,

It has been a crazy 2 days. I still see all of her crazy emotions and she is fighting herself as she speaks. Yes she is still deflecting it all on me. I am proceeding day to day with her and we will see where it goes. I really have no expectations.

[handpuppets]

(Attaching)

[Medusa]

Den, I want to thank you for being so open and forthright about your MLC. Your recent post on your last thread about lashing out in the fog has hit home with me because X is currently being completely awful by not paying me court-ordered alimony or military retirement and he has pushed me into complete indifference: I no longer care what happens to him.

Is this when an MLCer finally starts to get it? All I want is peace and to be left alone, but I can see that X seems to be spinning harder and harder now that we are divorced. For the record, I've had the "pleasure" of one of the bigger jerks around here. He continues to attempt to control me financially. He has lost me, and maybe you cannot even answer my question, but if I am still facing him lashing out because he's realized I'm gone for good, it will help me know better how to react.

Again, thank you. You're helping so many!

[krathos]

Den, I want to thank you for your comments, I am holding firm and standing but her comments to me the other day about getting on a dating site really struck a nerve and made me angry, her inviting me over to watch UFC with her ,OM and her friends was very inappropriate, her nagging me for a pizza for 3 straight days was mind-blowing. I was very angry and confused. She acts like.....well I'm not really sure, but to tell your H that he should get on a dating site is messed up.

I just want to say thank you and I really appreciate you carrying on with this thread, it can't be easy. You have my respect and admiration.

[No expectations]

Den,

What do you think of an MLC'er that admits it's his issue, not mine, never monsters, and is going to see IC voluntarily?  He sure acts like MLC in all other regards.  He is so very sad and depressed, moved back into our old house (almost empty), has OW.  Has definite FOO issues to work through. 

On the one hand, I see him making effort to work on himself.  On the other hand, I see him continuing to find ways to avoid his issues by keeping crazy busy.  I'm just confused.  I am going to have to go back to IC myself. 

Thank you for everything you do here, Den.  I know you have all of us asking you questions and you have your own life, plus your own MLC'er to deal with.  I really appreciate your thoughts and insight

[denjef31]

Medusa,

Yes! What you are seeing is more of him lashing out in the only way he knows how. Despite his own unwillingness to work on himself he still wants to control you, keep you in a state of suspended confusion. His maturity is not what it was, you will see more lashing out. He will attempt to even find more ways if this doesn't work. This probably will not stop until he stops and looks at the true nature for all his unhappiness.

It has nothing to do with you as you already know, but you were the closest thing to him and this is his way of displaying his pain. You are doing the right thing by protecting yourself and what's in your best interest as he has a ways to go before he stops being vindictive and placing blame on you. When he finally comes across to the other side he will come to understand. His fall will be very, very hard. All of this is a result of his fear of what his future truly holds.

Denjef31

[denjef31]

Krathos,

Oh you have an attention seeker in MLC. I recognize the behavior, as I was also a depressed attention seeker. Listen your wife is seeking validation from you and OM. She is suffering from depression and some self esteem issues. I remember very clearly telling my H about OM to hurt him. I wanted him to beg and plead for me even more. I wanted him to know I had him groveling for my affection and I also had OM groveling for my time.

Now I never invited my H anywhere I was because I knew he would definitely show up, and it would be an altercation. I did however would tell him after I left a location to tease him about it in a slick way. Or I would answer my cellphone when I was with OM, knowing he would ask me questions of where I was and who I was with. This kicked my ego into high gear. I would become very mean and angry on the phone brushing him off to the amusement of OM. I would say to OM that my H was crazy he wont leave me alone, and why he couldn't get it thru his thick head. Knowing full well I instigated and did things to encourage it in many ways.

I closely walked along the side of fire, I was drawn to the drama and I sucked H and OM right along with me. I didn't see how cruel I was and how manipulative I was being all I know is I wanted the attention and I craved to know I was desired. You did the right thing by not going she wanted the two of you to interact in a negative way. She wanted the drama. She is operating on the time line of a teenager. I felt like a teenager when I would do those things and this sounds very childish because well it is.

Denjef31

[Never say never]

DenJef, thank you for continuing to post.  Amazing...

[Still Half full]

I'd like to join the chorus of thanks to you Denjef, I'm so grateful for the insight,

Hope 2017 brings you everything you deserve, you are amazing, you're making time to help so many people while going through your own H's crisis, along with your studying. Thank you 😊