[Christina13]

Thanks 1trouble. I needed to hear this today. It has been exactly like that. He was around here more. Then half the time. Now less. He can't face me either. Tells me he doesn't want to be around me. I didn't cheat. I didn't lie.
The fact he could do this to our kids even is hard to fathom.

[Keep believing]

Hi all,
Denjef. I was wondering , when your h would have ' normal ' discussions to you about maybe the relationship or concerned about you , what did you take from those conversations if any ? What I mean is , I have had somegoodconversations ( so I thought) with thinking things were getting somewhere , I suppose , then right back to crazy town . I know we are not to have such conversations but it just happens sometimes.

[Keep believing]

So I'm wondering why does an mlcer have these conversations . Are they to keep us hanging on or are they being genuine. Thanks

[Absolutely Fabulous]

So I'm wondering why does an mlcer have these conversations . Are they to keep us hanging on or are they being genuine. Thanks

Thanks for asking this one. I've been wondering about this too. I'm NC, but lately he's been trying to establish communication with my MD. She's the one he was fighting with the most throughout all of this. Now, a sudden interest in her...

[denjef31]

KB,

My H would beg to spend time with me or take me out. It would start off very good, the conversations usually ended up about taking him back, how he changed. While that might have been true I saw it as pressure to say yes, pressure to feel what he felt, to go back to the way things were. It doesn't matter how good you think the conversation is heck we might even agree with you and say we will try to make it work and that we love you.

Reality is we get home to process that conversation and now we look back and look at it as manipulation. You rushing us or forcing us into something we are not ready for. The cycling is our fear of what would it could happen. We are afraid to trust you you, try again. You just really have to let the MLC'er come to you, call you, text you, start conversations. Anything else is fruitless and just causes rapid cycling and prolonging transit time.

Denjef31

[denjef31]

Christina13,

I understand our hearts and minds do not think alike at all which causes a constant battle both for the MLC and the LBS. Our hearts tell us to hold on and our brains tell us to move on. This why we cycle. I been thru it and I still struggle with cycling. I would think same thing he must love her why else would he abandon us. He eventually came around and started being a part of the family again.

Then I thought well why is he lying to me about he loves me, and give him sometime he trying to get home as quickly as he can but I need to be patient with him. My heart tells me to trust the process and what I know to be his true feelings but my brain says Denjef31 get real you are being played he is lying and stringing you along. What you are thinking and feeling about the situation is normal we all have thought it at one time or another. You will be okay just keep busy by working on yourself and GAL. Trust the process!


Denjef31

[Thunder]

Den, I couldn't agree with you more.

As soon as I stopped having relationship talks AND initiating conversation with my H he came to me.
He pursued me!  I dropped all expectations at this point too.

All conversations should be about ANYTHING other than your relationship.  They run. 
No I love you, no I miss you, no gift giving, no asking them questions, no I wish this or that.

Just conversations you would have with a casual friend.  Takes all the pressure away.

[heroIam]

Thunder. I tend to agree with you.  Tried to reach out awhile back to h with casual stuff but got one maybe two word responses.  So I totally stopped.  I've been NC now.  Crumbs were just making me cycle.

[Watcher]

I have been out of the house since Oct 16th and I finally dropped the rope. I went NC and lasted 75 days before she intercepted me while I was out jogging on New Years Eve.

She put the full court press on to get me back home and I declined. I agreed to meet for coffee and we talked for hours. All relationship talk that she initiated and of course she heaped all the blame on me.

She had one really bad day where she called me 26 times and sent me 3 emails over different days lodging complaints. She is back to being quiet and I am staying NC.

My inlaws and myself did apply pressure for the 1st 6 months. They were heavy on the marriage restoration while I gave up on that probably around 6 months in. It doesn't have to be relationship talk. Anything Watcher is PRESSURE. Seeing me, hearing me, smelling me. It's all PRESSURE, I have learned.

Funny line from W on New Years. Watcher, knock it off with all the (pressure) emails. What emails dear, I stopped sending them. Watcher, YOU have sent me 30 emails (over 19 months), let it go already. Do you want to see them. LOL

Many husbands would get yelled at by their wives for showing such a lack on interest by sending 1.5 emails per month. PRESSURE. Everything Watcher is just PRESSURE.

I have said it on my thread. If the woman wants me, she is going to have to come and get me. I'm done chasing her.

And you want to talk about pressure. We spent 12 hours together and I'm supposed to be Mr Husband just like that, no questions asked. LMAO. She's not ready.

Thanks Denjef

[Keep believing]

Thank you denjef.