[How long have you and your spouse been together/married]

How long have you and your spouse been together/married

5-10 years

8 (7.2%)

10-15 years

11 (9.9%)

15-20 years

35 (31.5%)

20-25 years

24 (21.6%)

25-30 years

19 (17.1%)

Over 30 years

14 (12.6%)

Total Members Voted: 111

[handpuppets]

~12 years together, married 9 years at BD. We separated shortly after our 10th wedding anniversary; D was finalized ~18 months later.

I've known him for over 20 years.

[em5731]

Married 28 years together for 32. My only boyfriend. Now I don't know who he is.

[bluerose]

Together for 21, married for 17 at bd. Noticed him changing a couple of years before, very slowly changing. He said he hadnt loved me for five years before, then 8,then 10, then 15, then never. Whatever.

[riverbirch]

Met him 1980. D born 1981. He turned 18 when I was pregnant. He was homeless,and a couch surfer pretty much. He was kicked out of his house. Never went back. My mom became his foster mother so he could get state help,since he was underage. It was always rough because of all of it. He had issues then.

We married in 1987. Three more kids born in 88,90 and 91. I had a Mlc of my own. I was 38. I had no idea that's what it was. It did damage. We separated and almost divorced. He filed. He fell apart and had an affair. We got back together. Stuff did not get dealt with.

We d in March 2012 for financial reasons. You'll have to read my thread. He was already changing before the d. He got worse over the summer. Beginning of replay. Unknown to anyone. He went to work end of October 2012 and never came home.

The rest of the nutty story is on my thread.

[Kat0465]

Married 28 years at BD..... Still married this June will be 32 years !!!!!
Hard to believe he's been gone from home since 2013.
My memories of us and him, are starting to fade a bit.
The edges are softer if that makes sense.

[Kat0465]

We also separated for about 6 months at year (you guessed it) 15.
Looking back ,it did postpone the BD I think.. Things were  good again... Till one day I looked up and they were not.. It was a slow sneak up the this second round..
But 100 times worse

[hawk]

Yeah , 15 to 20. 19 for mine.
There really does seem to be something around that span.
And around October

[Lost]

At BD we were 18 years together, of which 13 years married.

For the survey wouldn´t know how to reply - should we fill in the how many years we were together or married only?

[Lanzo]

Together 21 years, married 16, Divorced nearly 3 years now.

I discovered her first affair after 8 years of marriage, and I got the BD ILYBNILWY speech the following year.  The 2 years before the affair she was in major escape and avoid  mode and I  can see  now was she was dropping mini bombs all over the place,  as if she was getting ready to run but pulling back at the last minute.

Looking back with hindsight I can also see traces of this pattern of behaviour right back to our early days of dating and it makes me wonder why we ever got married.  I’m not re-writing history I’m just looking back and certain things seem to make sense now.


Lanzo

[bipolared]

Together since we were both 21, married at 26;  17 years at BD.  Looking back I remember some mean comments here and there the year before bd.  Also some indications that I was being "set up" for his friends, instances where he avoided having me around them.