Hello, gman,
Interesting reflections...
I believe at the root of it, as we so often read, is that it comes from not being adequately quipped to understand relationships, develop self esteem, problem solve and navigate life.
All of my crises were rooted in the same thing: becoming stuck and not knowing how to get beyond it.
This would very much seem to be the case with my H, who RCR once described as the poster child for MLC...
I could write a book about all the "typical" things he has done that fit this description; from saying that another person would solve all the problems to saying that he wanted his 18-year-old adrenaline junkie lifestyle....
I remember in the earlier years we even talked about this some, that he "gave up at the first hurdle", because everything had always gone so well for him that he had no idea what to do when it didn't.
He of course balked at that, saying that it was all my fault, but not before he paused for an instant -- I know something went in, he just pushed it away very firmly.
I used to be so bewildered, because my H grew up in a close loving family -- the love wasn't questioned, he never even thought about if he was loved or not, it just was so.
If anything, his mother loved him blindly, and there may not have been enough discipline. But I wasn't there, his sister does say that he got away with things she never would have, as he was the youngest, but it wasn't ever anything that I thought of as a problem.
And his father WAS there as a parent, very much so. Kind and loving, from what I could see. Only thing was that they grew up without material wealth, and I know he somehow felt less than for that reason, and for the associated social class reasons.
More recently (i.e. in the last 2-3 years) he has started saying that he "felt not good enough", i.e. that that was my fault; I know that that stems from whatever he felt growing up, though.
What I have observed over the many years since he left is a constant starting of new things, new job, new place to live, new OW -- he has gone through 4 jobs, 4 places to live, and is on OW6. I don't actually know what he is doing for work right now, so perhaps there are more to add to that tally.
Each time he says "NOW I've got it sorted". But so far nothing has lasted, jury still out on OW6, this is the first one he is "officially" living with. (other ones he just "stayed" with....). But she has only been in the picture something over a year, so who knows.
He also finally finalised his divorce, settlement yet to happen; perhaps he thinks that NOW all will be well -- me got rid of, kids are over 18 so no need to feel guilty about not being there, new OW without kids...??
I also fully understand what you say about the military lifestyle; my H has frequently said that he "just wants the rules", so that he doesn't have to think, so that he can just do it. I did try to ask who makes the rules, and how he decides which ones he will follow, but of course that didn't go anywhere.
My H did very, very well in life for many years -- a good job was always there, good family, good house, great lifestyle. I guess the downward spiral started when his father died, a good few years before the crisis itself set in, but I can see the rest from there...
Difficulties with our kids, which affected me greatly, hitting the point in his job where he would have to work very hard to get further, and not feeling good enough to do so, the "usual" financial pressures that come with having a good lifestyle and high-pressure job.... and then throw in a good friend's suicide and all h-e-double toothpicks breaks loose.
And someone comes along who puts the idea into his head that it's all me, he then says "huge relief!! I realised that the problem is that I don't want you!!!"
And the rest is completely familiar to all of us here.
So, a long-winded response, yes, I do think it is an MLC, how they get through it will depend on if they do ever develop those coping skills, or if they continue to jump from thing to thing.. and if they are enabled or not.
Author
Topic: 
MLC or Not? A perspective.