Author Topic: My Story so this is now my life...vol.2  (Read 4713 times)

Offline UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #50 on: March 17, 2017, 07:36:25 AM »
THIS is an update that makes my day....

After all, you were my guinea pig (my first Mentee) so to see things going well is very ... satisfying? But just to make the point, THAT WAS ALL YOU!  You were the one that made it happen....

Teenies... what can you say? You know how they are. You had 2 of them for a while <smirk>

Just go with the flow. If they are at least talking, that is a major step forward and NSN is right too... D is probably more than a bit jealous now that she does not have your FULL and COMPLETE attention...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline krathosTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #51 on: March 18, 2017, 05:51:55 AM »
Ursa,
I am glad that my post made your day a little bit, you may say that it was all me but let's be honest, I am under no illusion that I could have done it without your mentoring and the support of great people on this forum like NSN, Wahine, Init, and everyone else, W and I are far from out of the woods but we are now fighting it together again instead of at each other.
I think that D is a bit jealous but she still has my attention when she wants it. I guess she just needs to understand that she does.
The flow is the only way to go with this whole situation, don't rock the boat without good reason. As it is said, no pressure, expect nothing, and i don't..I am just enjoying the time we have together, the communication. 

It's great :)

Offline Wahine

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #52 on: March 23, 2017, 10:50:37 AM »
K-

I am so glad things are really going in a positive direction for you and your D. Good luck and stay true to yourself!
She believed she could, so she did!

Offline krathosTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #53 on: July 12, 2017, 06:21:45 PM »
Hi all
Been a while,  have been very busy, traveling a lot what with W 2 hours away, things are for the most part going well on that front.
She does sometimes act like she had the right to hook up with OM cause she was as she told me just the other day that she was single at the time. I wanted to say something but didn't want the fight. I didn't feel at the time that it was worth it.
She does know that she screwed up, but I sometimes think that maybe I let her back in way to easy. Her attitude about it sometimes grates on me and other times she is very sorry about it and shows it and speaks it... I don't know.. maybe it's just part of the process.
She is staying there cause she loves her job and doesn't have one here to replace it and I am not being held responsible for her giving up a job she loves for nothing and she would resent me for it, I know her to well. And well, D is happy with her not living at home.
They are getting along very well, D even went down to the city with a friend to stay with W for a week and things went well.
I wish that I could say the same about D and I, maybe I am still stressed with all that is going on and the new status quo but she just grates on my nerves. She is on summer break and I come home from working all day to my kitchen trashed, food gone, the kid is just lazy like most of them are. I ask her to do some clean up and she looks at me like I want her to cut off her arm or something. I am just losing my mind with her. Hard doing this on my own even though W is back in the picture she isn't around to help.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #54 on: July 12, 2017, 09:13:30 PM »
Isn't puberty just grand?

Can't live with them and you can't hang em by their toes from the ceiling fan either.....

You lived through an MLC so you've had a lot of practice dealing with teenagers.....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2017, 08:09:59 AM »
Hey Krathos!

You still alive out there?

It's been a month...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline krathosTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2017, 06:37:31 PM »
Hi Ursa.
Yeah I'm still here. Things are going pretty well, I don't post often because I really don't know what say. We are getting along when we see each other, we talk all the time. We are communicating better, she made me really angry today and didn't fly off the deep end when I expressed that to her, which is good.
Next week will be a good test, we are going to be together for 11 straight days as we are going on vacation. First time for that amount of time since before BD, it is going to be an interesting test. We have only had at most 3 days together at any given time since we got back together.
Not planning anything special just day trips here and there, just being together is all that matters.
D and W seem to be getting alone well still, they text and call each other often. D likes her mom living elsewhere for now, told her friends that if you fight with one of your parents all the time move them out and you will get alone better..lol..kids.
D and I on the other hand.. well she is driving me crazy with her laziness. Just hides in her room all day, emerges to eat and trash my kitchen 😠and then vanishes again..teenagers..can't live with them can't throw them off a cliff. Be glad when school starts again in a few weeks

I will try to post more often but who wants to hear the same ol' things are going well post. She really is different on the meds she is on, like the woman I met all those years ago. I do hate that she is so far away but it is what it is for now. Much better then this time last year.
I must say though that sometimes I feel like it is the same..it isn't but ...well, I don't really know how to explain it. She isn't giving me a reason to feel or think that way, I guess it is just the scars of last year coming to the surface once in a while. First time I've really voiced it so to speak.

Offline Thunder

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #57 on: August 24, 2017, 09:56:12 AM »
Hi krathos,

It sounds pretty normal to feel that way.

Maybe the 11 day vacation will bring you more clarity.

Have you tried taking away the phone if she doesn't do what she is told?  It works wonders for teens.   ;D
They DIE without their phone.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #58 on: August 25, 2017, 04:59:56 AM »
Reconnection/Rebuilding takes time... LOTS of time... and LOTS of nerves......

The scars are still pretty fresh, poking at them can still be a trigger for some painful stuff that hasn't been worked through yet....

I guess I am not too surprised that the meds are helping.... A lot of people (here included) say that meds are the root of all evil but, witnessing what effect the RIGHT ones had for clients of my mom plus personal experience after xW1, I have to say that, when the doc is willing to do the work to find the right ones, they can be very helpful.... They may not be for every case but, again, for the cases where it IS appropriate, they can be a real help.....

Teens and Mid-Lifers....  6 of one, half-dozen or the other....

I saw something a while back that was SO funny... It was a note from a mom that said"For the WiFi password for today, the following chores need to be completed:"  and had a list.... Pretty simple... No chores, = No WiFi!  ;)
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: so this is now my life...vol.2
« Reply #59 on: August 25, 2017, 05:10:02 AM »
Your mom sounds like one smart cookie, UM.   ;)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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