Author Topic: My Story Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think  (Read 3751 times)

Online EnyoTopic starter

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My Story Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« on: February 12, 2017, 08:06:01 AM »
I have been married for nearly 35 years, H is 56, I am 58.  Two sons, S25 and S24, both back living at home after finishing university.  Just really coming to the conclusion that H has been in a MLT and now MLC for about 4 years but I did not recognise it as this.

4 years ago I had 3 quite serious illnesses in quick succession, this was probably the catalyst to the beginning of the MLT (more why I think this in a later post).  I had my Ovaries out (tumour turned out to be non-malignant but surgery resulted surgical menopause), a year later injury to back which resulted in 3 months unable to move in / bedbound before eventual surgery.  6 weeks after this surgery I suffered a Brain Haemorrhage, which mercifully I recovered from.  Through the last two illnesses my parents cared for me as my husband worked mostly away from home and this allowed him to continue to work.  Our sons were away at university.  H didn’t handle my illnesses well, and began to withdraw.

The next year I tried in vain to regain my former fitness, I was a bit of a runner and attended bootcamps and running event, but with inactivity due to pain and medication I put on around 45lbs and after a year it became obvious that I was fighting a losing battle and succumbed to depression.  The next year I was really quite depressed, H also in low spirits as was missing exercise with me and wasn’t enjoying job, younger boss etc and saw no way of getting another meaningful job ‘at his age’.  We were / are both employed with good salaries.

In the October of that year (2014) H offered a new job with 6 figure salary, didn’t apply for role was head hunted by the company.  The job involved working away during the week but we were used to this.   Nov and Dec 14 H on ‘Gardening Leave’ from old job because of conflict of interests and spent 8 weeks in the gym and cycling basically becoming the fittest he has ever been, he said that he needed to be fit for the new job.  Job started Jan 2015.  By July 2015 he was working longer and longer hours.  Leaving the house in the very early hours of Monday (sometimes even Sunday night) and not returning until midnight Thursday or late Friday afternoon, he continually spent his 'downtime' answering e-mails, I remember being on holiday in Italy and eating a few meals alone whilst H walked round whichever town square we happened to be in talking on the phone, he is a very important person don't you know :-\ .  He also stepped up his exercise programme in an attempt to maintain his fitness level from gardening leave.  He started exercise with my ex training partner, a friend (now ex friend!) who is 17 years my junior, she is also married but her H who is 17 years older encouraged her exercising with my H, he had no interest in exercise and felt she was 'safe' with my H, it also gave him an excuse to work whilst she was out. 

Typical weekend arrive home from work on Friday evening H already be at gym doing a shared (with training partner) personal training session, followed by coffee, because he needed to catch up with her!  Saturday morning he attend her boot camp (she had become a personal trainer), Saturday afternoon they went on a cross country run to train for Tough Mudder type events, Sunday morning 50 mile cycle, she was training for a long distance event and H was helping her train, Sunday afternoon marathon training, they had signed up for Rome marathon April 2016.  He would then pack and either leave that evening or had early night and leave around 4am the next morning.  I tried on numerous occasions to talk to H about his work/life/exercise balance (that is all I thought this was!!!) but he refused saying do we have to do this now.  He also started saying to whoever would listen that he was never going to get old and was never going to retire, I think he actually believed this.  In Dec 15 I suggested that when he was running in Rome that we make a holiday of it by going out the week before, he replied that I wouldn’t be going, just H and training partner going out for the weekend together.  I blow up at this point and I asked (probably insisted actually) that H stop training with this partner immediately, which in fairness he did, but has never forgiven me and resents that I did this, apparently I over reacted.  Training partner / ex friend had by this time withdrawn from our friendship over the proceeding 6 months stating work pressure.  I don’t think that they were having and PA and H denies EA, which could well be true as I think what was really going on was that H was infatuated with her and projected fantasies onto the relationship, though they obviously had some sort of connection so I may be wrong about EA.  As a consequence of stopping training with training partner was that we lost a whole 'friendship' group and this was also my fault (again I will write more about this later)   

From Aug 15 to Dec 15 H’s attitude toward me become very negative and critical, he criticised the way I spoke, he corrected my grammar whilst I was talking, criticised what I ate, even when out in company example ‘eating that isn’t going to help you lose weight’, criticised the way I dressed – dressed like a slob around the house (ouch – if he had dressed in a smoking jacket and cravat around the house  I would have said that he had a point  ;)), he said I was socially inadequate and often looked bored when out in company, that I suffered from mood swings and that I was controlling eg stopping him training with training partner - well I basically just got on his nerves, he also said that I was getting old before my time. 
Meanwhile he had completely reinvented himself in his new job, at work he is known by his full name and not just the shortened version that everyone had known him by and I have never been introduced to any of his new colleagues.  I don’t even think that he has told anyone at work that we are now separated as he is still wearing his wedding ring.  He started dressing in trendy casual clothes, purchases from designer shops at airports, he began to worry about winkles and bags under his eyes and buying expensive serum creams (also purchases from airport shops), when I found out I did look at him and asked when was going to start using them, not nice I know but I was angry  ::), he also tried using false tan, (why don’t men read instructions - he spent a week with orange hands after this one), he couldn’t do anything about his hair as he has shaved his head for 25 years.  It was also around this time that he started saying that he didn’t know what he wanted and that he needed to leave because he needed space.

I tried from January to the end of August to get him to stay and talk we even tried counselling at the beginning of the year, he left on 21st Aug 16 (is this BD #1?) and moved into a flat we own locally.  I had spent from Feb to Aug renovating this flat so we could sell it so it was all nice a new for him  >:(.  In the middle of October he came to see me and said he had never been happier than he was living alone in the flat and that he had come to the conclusion that what was wrong in his life was ME and that he couldn’t cope with the emotional pressure he felt from me and was telling me he was never coming home (BD #2?), he loved me, I was a great wife and mother and a wonderful homemaker but he didn’t think that this was enough. (I am / was actually an awesome wife and mother ;D).  He said we had grown apart and that we didn’t want the same things anymore (though he said he didn’t actually know what he wanted!).  He also said that he thought he had married too young!  Our sons went to talk to him, he told them that they didn’t know the whole story, which he couldn't tell them or see the way I had changed as I hide it from everyone but him! He also said he couldn’t remember being happier than he had been in the 8 weeks since he had left, as you can imagine this upset them greatly.  He has accused me of turning our sons against him saing that he felt excluded even before he had left he also thinks that at their ages they should now have moved out of the family home and when they do they will see things more clearly and would not take sides. 
Since leaving home he has been working up to 100 hours over 6 days each week (from August to December) travelling all around Europe, keeping busy so he has no time to reflect on situation.

He came to see me again in December, said he wasn’t sleeping, drinking too much (he has been self medicating on at least one bottle of wine a night for the last 3 years), smoking too much (he started smoking again a year ago after not smoking for nearly 20 years), and messing up at work and the reason for this was the emotional pressure that I was putting him under he then reiterated that he was never going to come home.  At this meeting he informed me that he was going to spend Christmas with his family, and in tears told me it had been over 20 years since he had spent Christmas with his parents, said it in such a way that made it obvious that this was my fault and he didn’t know how many more Christmas’s they would be around.  MIL 80, quite frail FIL 91 suffers from dementia.  H’s relationship with parents has always been a ‘duty’ one, H reports not having a loving childhood, wasn’t allowed to show emotion MIL withheld affection as a punishment, FIL worked away, never home.  I’ll write more about family dynamics in another post.

MIL collapsed on Boxing day, was seriously ill and spent next 3 weeks in hospital, H, along with brothers (x2), shared the care of FIL between working.  H not allowing me to contact him or his family and only sending basic text messages updating me on MIL condition.  H had no real contact sons either, he sends all three of us the same basic group text once a week eg ‘mum responding to treatment’.

As I was very conscious that he would be under a lot of stress, marriage ‘breakdown’, working long hours, mother very ill, caring for a father with dementia, I had continued to send texts every 4 to 5 days, which did not need a reply, just reminding him that I was here if he felt he needed support or just an ear.  All ignored.
Last weekend, after not seeing him for 6 weeks or talking for 4 weeks, I received an e-mail saying that he thought that I had a right to know that he had put our flat up for sale and was moving further south to shorten his weekend commute, I later found out that he had put flat on the market 3 weeks earlier.  He visited home town to do this but hadn’t contacted me or sons whilst here.

I met with him to talk finance, flat a joint asset.  Before we did this he looked at me, and his expression is not one that I have ever seen before, pretty ugly actually, and said that I should get it into my head that he was not coming home and that sending text showing concern was a form of manipulation and a trick to try to get him to come home.  His family also think that I am dragging the separation out – God knows what he has been telling them!, I am not sure what they expect from me after 35 years marriage, that I just say OK and walk away?

On the face of it he is being very generous.  Says he will have the flat, we don’t actually have very much equity in it, and I can have the family home (which we more or less own) plus everything in it as money is no longer important to him!!!  Not sure if this will come to fruition, but for the moment he is paying all bills and giving me my share of our joint income.
Says needs to leave home town as has no friends here (this apparently is my fault, I will write more about this in another post).  As a result of his work / life balance he doesn’t actually have any close friends, so has had no one to turn to.
H not sure where in the country he will rent a flat but wants to go somewhere to ‘develop a new social life’, reinvent himself.
Also says is planning to give up work in 12 to 18 months (says I am right, there is more to life then work!), and then would like to work for a charity on humanitarian projects in the 3rd world, all very worthy but I don’t think he has thought it through, also talking about drawing down his pensions not sure why yet.

I think after reading info on site that I am dealing with a wallower, I understand from sons that this weekend, the first since BD1 that he has given himself a 2 day weekend, all he has done is go on a bike ride and sat and binged watched Game of Thrones and no doubt self medicating on wine, not exactly the high life is it? I have questions about contact / no contact obviously showing concern is out, even though I am very concerned.  I do love him very much and at the moment feel really sorry for him.  Feeling pretty blessed that there is not yet OW but I am just waiting for that axe to fall.  Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

(Edited for carriage returns.)
« Last Edit: February 12, 2017, 11:11:08 AM by LearningIamOk »
Me 59
MLCer 57
M35 years, Together 37 years
S26 & S25
BD1 Dec 15 - you've been a wonderful wife and mother but it's not enough!
BD2 - 8/21/16 - Moved out into our rental flat locally,
Feb 17 - Unhappy, need to move and start a new life with new friends
May 17 - Moved to his parents home town 200 miles away
Emotional (has bee physical) affair with my ex married friend continuing - since around summer of 2015

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2017, 11:44:33 AM »
Welcome Enyo! I am glad that you have found us, but sorry you need to be here. Your H and my xH sound very much alike. My xH went over the edge at 55, almost 56. We had just celebrated our 30th anniversary.

He found his OW at the gym. She is a spin instructor. She is 9 years younger than me and 13 years younger than xH. My kids, 4 of them, were all over 21 at the time. Her 4 were 10-17. My xH also felt that ours should be out on their own. Bizarre that he would take on someone with 4 kids younger than ours. When I said that to him he screamed, "I'm not taking anyone on!"

You have been thru quite a lot physically. My xH also had little to no sympathy when my arthritis was flairing up. His comforting response was to hand me a box of tissues because I was in tears from the pain. I asked him point blank if he would leave me if the pain continued. I got no response.

Be very cautious about the money, house and flat. Mine said similar things to me. xH bought a condo very quickly, about 4 months after leaving. He told me that if we divorced, I could have the house and he would keep the condo. He was also paying all the bills. xH makes 8X my salary. When it came time to really divide things, he fought me about the amount of alimony and he wanted me to buy him out of the house. I couldn't qualify for a mortgage so I told him I would see him in court first. I am not trying to scare you, only alert you that his feelings about all of this could change.

I would get a financial agreement in place pronto. Consider it saving the family money for a time when he exists his MLC.

Whether or not your H's relationship with the trainer was a PA or EA, it was inappropriate. He had no regard for your feelings about it. He had to catch up with her? No, his place was to catch up with his wife.

Remember, you were blindsided, but he has been planning this for a while. We have a saying on here, believe only 50% of what they do, and believe nothing that they say.
trying2bok

Online EnyoTopic starter

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2017, 01:23:50 PM »
Thanks learningIamOk,

New to this so will look into a financial agreement. I know it is the right thing to do but I suppose it is early days for me and I still can't get my head around him acting this way & when he says 'I'm not coming back' am finding it hard to believe he could have switched off so quickly and so entirely.

I am not really sure what sort of contact is wise. Until last weekend, and he has been gone for 5 months, I have just been sending messages of support as I know he has been under a lot of stress, really just trying to maintain connection. That seems I have really backfired as he saw this as manipulation.  Is the general consensus / rule to just let him be with no contact unless he initiates it? Is the thought process behind this that they will contact you eventually?. Must admit to feeling like an alcoholic looking for a drink while waiting for contact, does it get easier. 

Also when H left he insisted that all in his life was well except his relationship with me which caused stress and problems in his life, first two months living in the flat, were the happiest he had ever known, another two months on he seems to now realise that living alone, with free time on his hands is not any fun, so currently still blaming me for unhappiness but also home town as has no friends here - hasn't been out socially with joint friends since he left, also joint friends have not been in touch with him which is not unusual after separation but he is feeling very hurt. Because of working pattern he has always found it difficult to make / maintain friendships. Now wanting to move away but doesn't seem to have researched where he could go just looking to reinvent himself somewhere else.  Must admit I am worried about lack of contact when he leaves, will it not be a case of out of sight out of mind?

Found this site this week and reading info has made me feel stronger.  Just need to GAL now Without H.
Me 59
MLCer 57
M35 years, Together 37 years
S26 & S25
BD1 Dec 15 - you've been a wonderful wife and mother but it's not enough!
BD2 - 8/21/16 - Moved out into our rental flat locally,
Feb 17 - Unhappy, need to move and start a new life with new friends
May 17 - Moved to his parents home town 200 miles away
Emotional (has bee physical) affair with my ex married friend continuing - since around summer of 2015

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2017, 01:27:18 PM »
Welcome to the Board

You are in a good place.
Your H/W  is on his/her own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H/W space  he/she needs to heal himself/herself.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H/W.

He/She has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H/W.
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC(rewritten from Jim Conway) located in the resources above.

Developing Detachment
http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

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Online stillbaffled

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2017, 07:12:15 PM »
Welcome to our little corner of cyber space, Enyo.  You will find wonderful people here who will offer wisdom, comfort, and encouragement.  Read lots and post often. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline No expectations

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2017, 07:20:50 PM »
Enyo,

I'm so sorry you had to find your way here.  I remember when I first came here, hoping I didn't really need to be here.  But it has provided me so much support and help, this is a great place.

I have found for me, I did better not initiating contact with H, letting him take the lead.  Many here have a spouse that blames them for all their woes.  I haven't experienced that myself, but he may be doing that and not telling me.  My h is a huge conflict avoider.

Your H will have to go through this on his own.  Your best course of action is most likely to move forward with yourself, use this time to your advantage.  Read everything you can of RCR's articles, then reread them.  Then reread them again.  Every time I read them, I discover something I missed before.  Post often.  Post on other's threads so more people find you.  Ask for a mentor.  Let everyone know what you need, there are so many wonderful people here, and we are all going through our own version of it. 

Take care.  I will be here, following along.
Married 10 1/2 years, together 17.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 49.  OW 23.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Online EnyoTopic starter

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2017, 07:07:04 AM »
Thank you for the messages of support above

OK, it has been nearly 4 weeks since I signed up to this forum and wrote the above.  In that 4 weeks I have taken time to firstly BREATH, then read as much as I could about MIC, and the posts on this forum.  Yes I have looked at the reconciliation posts ~ we all need a bit of hope ~ but I have also read with interest posts from members who are new to this crisis, these I have found reassuring as it seems (and this is very good news) that I am not going mad, nor am I to blame for all the problems in the world!
After doing all the reading I really can’t imagine how I missed all the signs.  I have read in some of the posts that people have said that they initially did one or two things wrong, well I have probably been doing it ALL wrong for over 18 months!  In my defence I was recovering from illness and suffering from depression.

I think my H has started going through MLT / MLC around 4 years ago.  At that stage I was ill and he definitely didn’t handle it very well, I think he saw my illness as life limiting for him (he has seen this happen with friends).  Within a year of that he started watching his weight, exercising, weighing himself daily, dressing in designer clothes, he even had a tattoo, he started questioning what he was doing in his life, was dissatisfied with his job, his younger boss etc etc.  Around 2½ years ago he was offered the job he has now.  6 figure salary, big title basically THE job and at the age of 54, he had MADE it.  I have never met any of his new work colleagues (which is unusual for us) and he seems to have developed a new persona / image at work.  He is called by his full name not the shortened version (which is unheard of), and he was also very pleased that his new work colleagues all through he was 10 years younger than he actually was.

The exercise continued along with a change in attitude toward me, he became arrogant, and started living in a ‘better than’ box (reference from the Anatomy of Peace – worth a read), by that I mean he adopted an entitled attitude, our sons came home to live after finishing university and one asked ‘Why is dad acting like an a@@hole since starting this new job’ says it all really.  He was drawing further and further away from me and by August 2015 had set into the working /exercise routine as described above.  By December, after holding it together for around 3 years my marriage imploded!  The rest is described above.

From then on I basically did everything wrong, tried to get him to talk to me, went to marriage counselling, though I didn’t think our marriage was the problem, cried (as did he!) I didn’t beg but couldn’t see any reason why we couldn’t sort ‘this’ out.  Him living at home from December 15 until August 16 was extremely stressful for both me and our sons.  My H was angry ALL the time about everything and we walked around on eggshells for all this time, he said I was controlling, needy, socially inept (!) and was the reason he had no friends.  When he moved out I honestly thought he would be back very quickly, I really was delusional.  By Christmas his mum was very ill and I would send texts every 4 to 5 days offering support not really getting any reply.  The six weeks from Christmas until I found this forum he had virtually stopped contacting me, or our sons, and when I met with him 4 weeks ago he said that my supportive texts were manipulative and an attempt to trick him to come home.  Soooo, since that time I have turned 180. 

I have not once initiated contact.  He rang me after 2 weeks and I sent his call to voice mail.  He left a message about our S24s birthday, saying he had bought a card from us both (?), and we should talk about what we were going to give him as a present and that he had booked a table for us all to go for a meal, he said he was going to Italy for the week and would be in touch.  I did not reply.  I did tell S24 that I didn’t feel I could go to the meal to which he replied ‘If you don’t go I’m not going either’.  H is really trying to reconnect with sons; it’s all very clunky and not at all relaxed and mainly involves H offering them money for one new tyres on the car, football (soccer) tickets etc.  Most of which they decline but he transfers the money into their accounts anyway.  I decided I would go to the meal but would sit away from H.

He called again 6 days later and I actually missed his call as I was out to dinner with friends.  He seemed a bit annoyed that I hadn’t returned his call and asked if the meal arrangements he had made were OK.  I just sent a text saying ‘Out at dinner, phone on silent so missed your call.  Am OK for tomorrow’.  He called again the following afternoon (the day of the meal), I answered calmly, was polite but cool.  We decided on an amount for a present (S24 wanted money as he was saving for a new computer) which H said he would cover, he had also bought another present which he asked if I thought was ‘too much’ to which I replied that it probably was.  He also said he had bought a bottle of Champagne to open before the meal and was it OK if he came to the house ~ this is just a normal 24th birthday but he seemed hell bent on celebrating in style, we are normally very low key ~  anyway I love Champagne so said yes!  When he arrived at the house I didn’t greet him with a hug, just a Hi and walked away.  I didn’t travel with him in the car to the restaurant, which he was surprised about.

H made sure that I sat across from him at the meal and even though I was polite I didn’t initiate conversation, which is not like me at all as I always have stories to tell about who I have seen, what I have read or watched and what I am doing, I did tell him about some work that needed doing on the house but said that it was all in hand (which it is) and I was just letting him know.  I am always usually interested in what he has to say about work or his family (who he has effectively cut me off from), but I didn’t ask about either.  Apart from this I only initiated conversation with our sons and their girlfriends.  He did ask how my parents were and I simply said ‘fine’.   At the end of the evening he gave me a big hug and a kiss (on the cheek) and said take care, to which I said you too.

I can say that in the last 4 weeks I have been more relaxed than I have been for a couple of years.  I have decided that his problems can no longer be my problems, I love the phrase on this site ‘Your circus, your monkeys’.  I think this is what is referred to as detaching.  I am definitely sleeping so much better and laughing more and my counsellor definitely noticed a difference not only in my attitude but in the way I held myself.  Feeling good about myself.  Miss H dreadfully, and actually really love him.  He looked so lost when my S25 and I left him at his car on Friday night and I felt like giving him a hug!!!, but have decided just to GAL and hope that he follows. 

Me 59
MLCer 57
M35 years, Together 37 years
S26 & S25
BD1 Dec 15 - you've been a wonderful wife and mother but it's not enough!
BD2 - 8/21/16 - Moved out into our rental flat locally,
Feb 17 - Unhappy, need to move and start a new life with new friends
May 17 - Moved to his parents home town 200 miles away
Emotional (has bee physical) affair with my ex married friend continuing - since around summer of 2015

Offline What now

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2017, 08:54:29 AM »
Attaching. Im in the same part of the world and have a similar timeline (thinks hes been in MLC for 4 years, BD#1 was in August 2015 "I love you but I think I'm going to leave. I still want a relationship with you though" BD#2 December 2016 he stayed out and I told him not to come back. Denied ow but I know there was someone else. Admitted to relationship in January 2017) and cant believe I missed the signs either. You only notice them in hindsight though. Its when you can look back on it and do the research that you realise its MLC and not you.

You seem to be in a good place and in good spirits so that will help with your journey.

Expect the best, prepare for the worst and be kind to yourself.

You have found a really good place to vent, ive found this site to be very helpful as others can offer a different perspective on your situation.
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2017, 06:24:03 PM »
Enyo, you really do see in hindsight what had begun brewing years before BD. The walking on eggshells is exhausting. Peace at all costs can be costly.

I am very happy to hear that you are improving. I love that you are sleeping better and carrying yourself better. "Not my circus, not my monkeys", is a great attitude to have. Letting go of trying to control the situation is very freeing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I think you are on your way.
trying2bok

Offline dogwalker

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Re: Just jumping on this rollercoaster! Long journey ahead I think
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2017, 07:36:53 AM »
Hi Enyo.
attaching for your ride.
Good to read how ell you are doing. It probable took me 10months before I was enjoying and laughing again. But I had a touch and go for 31 days so a small knock back. Im in the UK and I'm working through my Financial Settlement agreement. Please PM if you need any advice etc.
Dont worry about missing the signs. You were married for a long time and in that time you had trust and honesty which your thought was a 2 way street.
I only found out last month that my W had been living 2 lives for over 3 years with OM before Bd1.
I remember looking at the 6 stages on the HB wedsite and writing all the things that had happened over the last 4 years which was text book to MLC. I didnt have a clue to MLC then .
Your doing so well. Detachment and distance.
He will follow a pattern and you will identify how he contacts and when etc.
Take care  DW

 

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