[Kintsugi]

Changing4Eva - I patiently wait for this day to arrive.  The OW in our situation is a heavenly angel in ExH eyes.  He refuses to listen to anyone who has anything negative (& truthfully) to say about her.  Believe me she has a colourful reputation around town. He is totally infatuated and goes in a total rage to defend her...hmmmmmm.

It is amazing how they justify their behaviors and beliefs.  The OW for us has a colorful reputation in the work place.  We work for a state agency and she is known state wide for her antics w/men.  Posted over 1800 pics, mostly selfies, because who would want to be with that piece of trash.  it is a good thing for Instagram and other apps to make people look better, don't know what she would do without them. 
My H defended her and said he was "only trying to help her".  My reply was "help her what?  Get out of her pants?"  I finally had to ask if she asked for his help, she didn't, she is all about drama.  I find it amazing that our Hs manage to find such ugly, troubled individuals and build them into things that they are obviously not.  But I think that's what feeds the Hs egos. 

[Kintsugi]

"We drifted apart" and "she is just a friend" were what I was subjected to.  Our drifting apart was me trying to better myself and provide better for us by getting a Masters Degree and opening up career paths.  It required a lot of work from me.  I don't regret doing it.  It gets me though that for him it was the drifting apart period which happened to be about the same time OW (Skank) came along.
"Just a friend" - I never bought it.  Never.  He works with a good amount of women.  He would come home and tell me things him and these women talked about.  And he mentioned names.  Some I have met in passing.  But the skank?  Not a mention EXCEPT when she got into some trouble for some unprofessional behavior and was suspended.  I think he only mentioned that because he was probably torn up that he had to go to work and not see her skank face.
Ohhh, and one of my favorites that I am sure he regrets telling me: "because she was so attractive".  This excuse soon ended when I was able to see what she looks like thru FB and Instagram.  Attractive?  Beautiful?  to the blind, perhaps.  Or desperate. 
The sad thing is if I brought this up (which I learned not to do) he would probably crawl back into the tunnel and revert back to the she was just a friend nonsense.  You don't keep friendships from your spouse.  You don't go to great lengths to buy that friend a gift and hide statements and receipts from your spouse.  I am a firm believer in if someone isn't a friend of the marriage, they are not a friend to either spouse.  AND if someone isn't a fan of their own marriage, they probably aren't a fan of yours either.
Sorry, had to vent 

[UnbrokenLioness]

You know what? I used to dwell and feel like $h!te over h posting ow's picture and saying "the most beautifulest woman in the world". Then I got to thinking... Is she confident enough in her natural looks to take selfies WITHOUT make up? If she was REALLY beautiful, she would have told me "I'm so sorry. I will back off and tell him he needs to deal with his issues."  BUT she didn't.  She still wants him.
What makes these op think that our mlcers won't end up doing the same to them? They really don't stop and think. But it's NOT my problem. And h's ow won't be coming and crying to me when he does the same to her because I got smart and blocked her. 

[Tyks]

Amazing similar stuff. I got told by h that ow was just coming out of a divorce and that he was trying to build up her self esteem. One thing led to another and he started talking about our marriage as if she was a friend instead of talking to me. He was not bothering to help build my self esteem. Weird. I did email the cow after I caught him lying and she proceeded to tell me that he loves me and only me and that she was not a homewrecking sl@t.  She said she was going to back off so that we could work on our own crap. Thing is I didn't know we had any crap. She lied anyway because he told me a few weeks later that they had went out on dates and that he really liked her. I am not sure if she is still in the pic bc he works all the time so I am not sure when he would have the time. Who cares anyway at this point. Jerks

[UnbrokenLioness]

Exactly how I feel,  Tyks.  My feelings toward h right now are back to how they were before this last t&g... Numb... Without him around, I actually feel a sense of peace... And S 5 1/2 and D 6 1/2 been handling his absence pretty well... Although they may be a bit upset today as they are spending time with him right now... I can prepare myself for a vanishing act but how do you prepare children that young?

[bluerose]

My h's ow used to babysit him when he was a kid. They lived right next store to each other. She kept in contact with his sister's and when he got fb she sent him a fb friend rewuest. He accepted because at the time he was fishing for an affair. She was living in tenessee with her 2nd husband, who was dying of cancer, and they began talking about their unhappy marriages.  Her husband died in sept.2015 .  She had already begun the process of reeling my husband in and she got him and still does. Caught her flirting with him in oct.2015 one month after her husband died. Sje has also said that she thought my h could help her son who has aspergers. She started out as just a friend too. She encourages him to flirt and get other womens phone numbers. He told that she also allowed her best friend to join them in the bedroom and she did. He said it wasnt what he wanted because hus ow would only let her friend perform orall on him. My d is supposed to go to their house in a couple of months with all this going on. Nice.

[Kintsugi]

Amazing similar stuff. I got told by h that ow was just coming out of a divorce and that he was trying to build up her self esteem. One thing led to another and he started talking about our marriage as if she was a friend instead of talking to me. He was not bothering to help build my self esteem.

Sounds so familiar.  I also told him that if he felt the need to help someone, he should have been helping me.  I also said we have children so if he had such a need to help people, he should have looked within his own family. 
On another note, there was something I said once, out of anger.  I think it might be funny now, not sure.  Anyway, the skank is 22 years his junior and 12 years older than our son.  I made a remark one day about maybe he should have tried hooking them up since they are MUCH closer in age!  The look on his face was priceless. 

[nah]

It's been a while since I posted this letter.  I received it 10 days post BD after I sent him a letter basically telling him off for disrespecting me.  His promises of us getting together to talk never happened.  Also, the roommate comment is hilarious, I approached him time and time again to be intimate and HE pushed ME away.   

Let me first start out by saying I am sorry.  I know those words mean nothing to you right now and maybe never will, but I am sincere.  After reading your letter I was deeply hurt and angry with myself.  I'm not saying I disagree with how you viewed my actions over the years but I honestly didn't realize that I was being like that.  I know it's not an excuse and I'm not making it one.  I have a lot going for me upstairs but there must be something else terribly wrong.  I am in pain right now.  You and the kids are all I've ever known.  I put my entire life into trying to be a good husband and parent and thought I did pretty well.  We both did.  I don't know what happened, what went wrong.  Something inside me changed.  I'm not, nor have I ever blamed you.  Maybe I grew apart.  Maybe it wasn't us.  It was me.  It's easier for me to say we grew apart but in reality, I think you stayed the same and I changed.  I don't know why.  There is something I want to get straight.  Please don't ever say or think that I never loved you.  I know you're deeply hurt by what I've done and that is probably just a jab to try and induce pain in me but it's simply not true.  In your heart I think you know that.  We had a lot of good years together and some great memories.  In time I'm sure you'll look back and think the same even though right now you think it was all fake.  There's a part of me that still loves you very much and always will.  Again, that's not just me saying $hit to try and manipulate you and make you feel like I'm a good guy.  It's the truth.  The strange thing is that we becoming roommate's terrified me to the point that I couldn't just hang out with you.  Now that's what I miss the most.  I don't know where it all went wrong for me.  I'm very f*cked up in the head.  I'm sorry I changed to this guy.  I'm babbling right now because I don't know how to express what I'm feeling.  I'm distraught that I've hurt you and our kids so badly.  As f*cked up as it sounds, I'm worried about you.  I don't hate you.  I want you to know that.  I think you're one of the most sincere, intelligent people I know. Whether you realize it or not I've always been very boastful of you accomplishments.  Maybe even a little jealous. You said you always wanted to have a relationship with me in the future.  Is that possible?  I hope it is.  I hope you find true happiness with someone who treats you as an equal, something you never felt you had with me.  Again, I apologize for that.  No excuses but I learned on the fly.  I had nothing to go by and neither did you.  We were kids and we both grew up in dysfunctional homes and maybe that has something to do with it.  I don't know.  I've been soul searching for the past week and just keep coming up with excuses to try and justify my behavior.  I know you really don't think I'm a bad person.  I'm a good person and I did something bad.  I hope that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me.  I hope the kids do too.  I know that you are not the kind of person to persuade them to hate me.  I hope that through all of this, you reassure "son" that he means the world to me.  He is my clone.  I hope for his sake that he is part your clone too.  I don't want him to think that I don't love him or love him any less.  I'm shaking and crying as I write this because I'm scared.  Please tell him that for me.  I know he needs time.  I'm very happy that he is so protective of you but I need him.  "Daughter" seems OK but that will take time to mend also.  She is a different breed.  I'm not sure I've got her figured out.  I have a different connection with "Son" and he knows it. When "Son" gets a new phone let me know so I can try to reach him OK?  You and I still have a lot to talk about but I wanted to respond to your letter first.  I hope to hear from you soon and I will never, ever forget or downplay what we did. There will always be a piece of you in me.  That's the truth.

[BrenM]

Nah, I see your husband is a Vanisher. To his kids as Well?  He speaks so caring and sounds sincere in his letter about you all.  What happens to them to walk out on their life?  Their kids? 

I truly believe that the real person is still in that head somewhere.  They know what they are doing and have done.  The hurt that they have caused, but they think if they run everything will be ok.  As we all know that it is not.  You can't run from your problems forever.

[stillbaffled]

Nah - thanks for posting the letter.

Is your son really a "clone" of your ex??  I sure hope not.