Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 9  (Read 5122 times)


Offline Made

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2017, 07:06:52 AM »
Can you tell me why some discussion threads are suddenly "locked"?
But by God's grace I am what I am.

March 22, 2015 But it is true, I no longer see myself as the problem or as the solution.

Feb 1, 2017 no hope = no expectations = no disappointments

Aug. 8, 2017 She has lung cancer
Sept. 12th 2017 She has surgery and is expected to fully recover and be cured

Online OldPilotTopic starter

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2017, 07:09:05 AM »
Can you tell me why some discussion threads are suddenly "locked"?
If they are over 150 posts then they are locked and put in the archives.

If they are less than that it could be a mistake.
Which one?

Offline Made

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2017, 11:42:30 AM »
It's Watchers thread - there usually some warning and a new thread link...


I found his new thread.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 11:49:26 AM by OldPilot »
But by God's grace I am what I am.

March 22, 2015 But it is true, I no longer see myself as the problem or as the solution.

Feb 1, 2017 no hope = no expectations = no disappointments

Aug. 8, 2017 She has lung cancer
Sept. 12th 2017 She has surgery and is expected to fully recover and be cured


Offline bluerose

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2017, 02:46:09 PM »
I was wondering if any of you could link my threads for please. I still am not sure how to do it. Thank you.

Online OldPilotTopic starter

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2017, 04:07:13 PM »
I was wondering if any of you could link my threads for please. I still am not sure how to do it. Thank you.
Done

Here how to do it for further reference
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=782.0

Offline 309Sav

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2017, 05:21:29 PM »
UPDATE ON H:  Appears the FOG is lifting and H sees a few things hes done.also is talking about doing everything he can to 'beat depression'. H said he's having feelings of driving the wrong way on a highway just to end it and something else concerning and fighting his feelings.  So those are suicidal thoughts. He feels he can do this by himself and still continues to refuse any type of medication natural or otherwise.

What  should I do? How should I act? what do I say or not say? Do I stand there and let him talk about killing himself? Should I go to work or stay home tomorrow out of concern and keep an eye on him? I've never seen him this bad.

« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 05:28:56 PM by Elegance »

Offline Mary A

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2017, 04:36:03 PM »
I need help! Today H's emotional affair came to light. He's sorry because according to him she does not mean anything. I'm hurt ,of course , but I'm trying to keep a clear mind. He says the old husband is not there and that I'm not the man I married. He wants to stay at home because of the kids but he says he will leave if I ask him to.

Do these discoveries make them see things more clearly? He says he was a fool that he has everything and yet he's not happy. How should I react ?

I'll appreciate any piece of advice. Thanks in advance!


Answered on your thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8786.0
« Last Edit: March 28, 2017, 05:51:50 AM by OldPilot »
M: 43
H 49
T : 26
BD: April, 2016
EA: discovered March,27, 2017. Lasted for about 6 months.

Offline Nas

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2017, 08:25:13 AM »
I don't really know where to put this, so apologies if this is the wrong approach.  I didn't want to start a whole discussion thread for a question specific to me.

I need to get some insight from any and all folks on here who are lawyers by profession.

Here's my issue in a nutshell:

I just moved to a new state 4 months ago and am waiting to meet the residency requirement so I can file for D here.

I had a lawyer in my old state. My H sent me a 30 page separation agreement literally 3 days before I was set to move out of state and demanded I sign it and return it before I move. (laughable in so many ways, but mostly that we have NOTHING and the agreement was 30 pages long...)

Anyway, that was 3 days before Thanksgiving.  I immediately contacted my lawyer and asked if I should get a lawyer in my new state.  She said no, she could help me with it.  So I sent her the agreement.

I emailed her and explained that I was broke and my H was refusing to continue making alimony payments until I signed the agreement. 
Over the next 2.5 months, I emailed her several times asking her to please advise me as she was still reviewing the agreement and I was not getting paid and had signed a lease and had bills to pay.
I was in a panic and kept emailing her.  She responded to 2 emails, and each time she didn't answer my questions.  She simply said it was taking her longer than she expected to review the agreement.

Finally, the last week of January I sent her a very terse email telling her the length of time it was taking was leaving me in a financial bind and asked again if I needed to hire a lawyer in my new state.

She responded by returning the 30 page document to me with ONE paragraph changed...basically rewording it to say the same thing in a different way.  And it was literally the ONE paragraph in the entire agreement that I had said in an earlier email that I was not concerned with. 

She then informed me that (as I had suspected all along) my old state no longer had jurisdiction and everything had to be filed in my new state. 
And then she told me that my retainer had actually been completely used up and then some, but as a courtesy she wasn't going to ask me for any more money unless we had to go to trial.

(uh...how could it go to trial if that state doesn't have jurisdiction?)

I asked her for a detailed bill to show where my retainer went and was very dismayed to see that she had billed me 0.1 hours for every panicked email I had sent her that she never even responded to.

The result is I had to get a lawyer in my new state, with money I DON'T have, and that new lawyer sat with me for 1.5 hours and went through the entire agreement, something it apparently took my old lawyer 2.5 months to do. 

I gave my old lawyer a $3000 retainer, the only money I had, and she did nothing for me.  Do I have any recourse?  I feel she should have known that since I was moving out of state she couldn't help me and she shouldn't have wasted 2.5 months and used up all my money doing nothing for me. 

My H is STILL not paying me anything, which is causing a major financial bind for me, and now I have no money to keep paying a new lawyer. 
In my emails to my old lawyer, I expressed more than once that I was afraid if I didn't act soon my H would liquidate the retirement fund (which I'm legally entitled to half of and the agreement states I get the entire amount), which I now suspect he may have done.

If anyone has any opinions/advice for me on any ways I can recoup some of the money from my old lawyer, I would be very grateful if you could respond on my thread or PM me. 
I am really considering reporting her to the bar, but before I mess with someone's career I want to be sure it's necessary and I want to have all my ducks in a row.

My thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8595.msg579360#msg579360


Again, sorry if this is the wrong place for this. 




« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 08:57:56 AM by OldPilot »
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline 1phoenix

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2017, 03:46:33 PM »
Could someone who has seen MLC through please look at my question on my link

Thanks
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline Loyal

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2017, 03:30:36 AM »
He called me up on my  mobile phone about 20minutes ago but I didn`t answer and can`t understand that he didn`t it again on the landline as he knows I`m always at home working at this time of the day.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8985.msg615171#msg615171

Should I call him back or let him sweat????



Me: 56
MLCer: 57
Together since: 1986
Married: No
Children:No
Begin of P`s MLC: around Spring 2010
OW: YES, he`s living together with a 60 year old spinster (before they got together) who just happens to live up the road.
Animals: 1 doggie, belongs to both of us but MLCers has abandoned him

Offline Loyal

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2017, 03:46:10 AM »
Sorry about posting the question here, have put it on my own thread now.
Me: 56
MLCer: 57
Together since: 1986
Married: No
Children:No
Begin of P`s MLC: around Spring 2010
OW: YES, he`s living together with a 60 year old spinster (before they got together) who just happens to live up the road.
Animals: 1 doggie, belongs to both of us but MLCers has abandoned him

Online Silver

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #13 on: October 06, 2017, 08:49:13 AM »
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9366.130

post number 138, sorry to put this here but I need advice, anyone
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline bluerose

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2017, 04:11:25 AM »
   Can someone please link my old threads to my knew one.


Offline Keep believing

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2018, 06:22:14 AM »
DO mlcers know they are projecting? my h called me a coward ( don't even know why) . does he realize he was talking about himself?

Online OldPilotTopic starter

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2018, 07:57:22 AM »
DO mlcers know they are projecting? my h called me a coward ( don't even know why) . does he realize he was talking about himself?
It is not unusual for MLC'er to project things onto others.
It is very possible he is doing this with you.

Whether he realizes it or not is another story, that is hard to say.

Offline MCSINME

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #18 on: January 25, 2018, 12:21:42 PM »
What does "attaching" mean?  Is there something specific to do to attach, or does it just mean that someone's following your thread?
Thanks,
MCS

Online OldPilotTopic starter

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #19 on: January 25, 2018, 12:52:45 PM »
it just mean that someone's following your thread
YES - this ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Offline Seekingpatience

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #20 on: January 30, 2018, 02:03:19 AM »
Hi OldPilot,

I was wondering how to turn my new thread pink?

I asked Anjae who is no longer a Mod but at the time, she mentioned putting my thread on a watchlist and that my H and I should have been working toward reconnecting for at least 6 months and that would have been June/July 2017.

We are still reconnecting and I believe rebuilding at this time.

Would appreciate feedback on this.

Thanks, peace and strength  :)



Edit - Answered on your thread - OP
« Last Edit: January 30, 2018, 03:23:15 AM by OldPilot »

Offline Treasur

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2018, 10:00:45 AM »
Oops...just noticed my thread title spelling mistake  ::)
Could one of the mods correct the title from Archimedian Point to Archimemedean Point please, or it will just bug me!

Edit - Fixed - I hope - OP
« Last Edit: January 31, 2018, 10:21:32 AM by OldPilot »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
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Offline Keep believing

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #22 on: February 19, 2018, 07:58:37 AM »
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF A MIDLIFE CRISIS IS OVER AND THEY JUST DIDNT CHOOSE TO COME HOME?

Online OldPilotTopic starter

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #23 on: February 19, 2018, 09:03:03 AM »
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF A MIDLIFE CRISIS IS OVER AND THEY JUST DIDNT CHOOSE TO COME HOME?
My opinion is that their actions would show you this.
What makes you think the crisis is over?
Have they made amends with their children or other significant people in their lives?

Offline Keep believing

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #24 on: February 22, 2018, 06:34:34 AM »
Well ithought he was reconnecting with old friends and the kids but an ammends so to say. No

Offline Keep believing

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #25 on: March 06, 2018, 04:37:12 PM »
There are so many stories of mlcers explaining what its like to be in crisis, could you put them in one thread. I know there is a thread for this but there are  many stories on this site and different threads it is all mixed up. I remeber resding one about a man married to phoenix and one about a man spelling out starbucks.  I dont know where they are now. Thanks

Online No expectations

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2018, 06:14:25 AM »
Hi,

Could one of the moderators look at my thread?  I think I'm almost ready for a pink icon, but would like your opinion and thoughts, please.

Thank you!
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Online Thunder

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Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2018, 07:42:14 AM »
Sure sounds like you're reconnecting to me.   :)


Edit - I added a link on your thread in  regards to this - OldPilot
« Last Edit: April 23, 2018, 08:26:24 AM by OldPilot »
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

 

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