Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 9  (Read 8586 times)

Offline Keep believing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1305
  • Gender: Female
Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #40 on: December 08, 2018, 06:30:04 AM »
Is there an explanation somewhere , of why some sites don't believe in mlc , such as marriage helpers? How can it be denied when these mlcers , act and say the same thing? It is textbook.  i find it hard to believe that their craziness has to do with just an affair/ limerence.

Offline BeTheOak

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 67
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #41 on: January 05, 2019, 03:50:42 AM »
Hello there,
I am at cross rode, i need a mentor ......
It has been long time in my journey as LBS (4 years), i did all the mistakes, i have learn a lot of my self....i am ready to become normal person and feel normal with me and because of me, i am far away from there, yet.
I do not want to stand in the same way i did up to now, i want to continuous live as almost normal person, if MLCW want to join me on my way and be, what i need as woman next to me, so be it, if not i will make it...
I did some changes:
1. I confront OM3 4 months ago and OM2 15 days ago....that was my 180, she was very "surprise", MLCW did not talk to me, she is very angry and heat me (i think), most of the time i am not afraid.
2. 15 days ago i stop snooping, i made commitment to my self, to not do again .....here i need mentor, to whom i want to be responsible (like sober addict).
3. At the moment, i am preparing a flat for my self to live there, i am mentally prepare my self for , separation, divorce, face monsters ...and so on. Here i also need mentor, to be my back when i want to go back in limbo (my MLCW is lo energy). In the past by snooping i did know, when MLCW play games, see OM, what talking/lying to other...now i will not know, nothing except what i will see and hear, and if she start playing hard (to keep me stuck), i am afraid, that i will bust my hopes - and fall back in limbo -- so here i need a mentor to bring me to the reality ...

Just to say:6 year ago i have cheated to my wife, 4 years ago i confess to her ...that was the beginning of her MLC (i think)....during the time, Silver and Thunder, payed the most attention to me, and i am very thankful to them and the all others, if Silver is able, i will appreciate if he will be my Mentor...many months ago he ask me to stop snooping (i was too week then, and i did not), now i am at least strong enough, to not snoop.....
So i am ready to start, walking out, from limbo world.

That is my story :https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10314.110

thank you very much in advance..
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 03:52:36 AM by BeTheOak »

Offline mapippa

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 48
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #42 on: February 01, 2019, 12:33:39 PM »
hello everyone, I have just heard through my Daughter that my xh has been dumped by the ow, I was just wondering, what to expect during other woman withdrawal stage..... I personally wont see it, as he has no contact with me whatsoever, but our Daughter has frequent contact with him,  its more to prepare her.  Any replies very much appreciated! Thank you!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 22183
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #43 on: February 02, 2019, 07:26:56 AM »
Mapippa, I'm not sure what your d would see.  Sometimes they get depressed for awhile.

Only thing is these break ups aren't always permanent.  Some MLCer's break up one day and the next their back together again, then they do it again..over and over again.

Also just because they break up doesn't mean he is out of his crisis.  So maybe not much will change.
Some will go on to ow/om number 2.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline mapippa

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 48
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #44 on: February 02, 2019, 08:28:57 AM »
Thank you Thunder, yes I thought all that myself, the only other concerning thing is that some days he monster's at her, really shouting at her, then within a couple of days  is ringing her & saying I love you to her.  Any thoughts on that behaviour???   

Offline OldPilotTopic starterTopic starter

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12896
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #45 on: February 02, 2019, 08:35:28 AM »
Thank you Thunder, yes I thought all that myself, the only other concerning thing is that some days he monster's at her, really shouting at her, then within a couple of days  is ringing her & saying I love you to her.  Any thoughts on that behaviour???
Yeah think about what happens to the typical LBS,
this is no different.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 22183
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #46 on: February 02, 2019, 08:42:20 AM »
Only your D can stop this.  If he Monsters leave, or hang up on him.  No one needs to put up with abuse.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline mapippa

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 48
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #47 on: February 02, 2019, 08:49:49 AM »
Hi there Thunder, she sees him as as mad as a box of frogs!!! Lol

Offline Keep believing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1305
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #48 on: April 28, 2019, 02:21:14 AM »
how do i find a lost pm note ? i wrote it out but never sent it because i lost it

Offline OldPilotTopic starterTopic starter

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12896
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 9
« Reply #49 on: April 28, 2019, 02:30:10 AM »
how do i find a lost pm note ? i wrote it out but never sent it because i lost it

I think you need to rewrite it and resend, there are no drafts here.

If you delete it by accident and try your browser back button then you might recover it if done right away.

Hope that helps

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.