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Author Topic: My Story Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2

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My Story Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#60: June 26, 2017, 08:29:28 PM
CY:
I amazes me that they can say pretty much the same thing.
Mine was pretty much the same.  You deserve better.. I am empty. I do not know who I am. everyone wants my $$. (mine is broke too). I do not want to give you any hope...blah freakin blah!
Just amazing!
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M 54
H 49
M 12 years; together 17 years
D19, S29
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 vanisher
5/17 Divorce final
C
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#61: June 26, 2017, 09:25:48 PM
YUP, oh and he did say 'u never know what the future holds' implying he may come back, yeah don't let the door hit u in the arse, IT'S LOCKED U OUT.
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Mae

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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#62: June 27, 2017, 12:17:10 AM
I was told that 'it's not fair on you and D15'.....not sure what he was referring to? Perhaps a depressed and disengaged husband and father, so it would be better to separate? How is that fairer on the LBS or the child?
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Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#63: June 27, 2017, 02:18:35 AM
It's when you read your own story over and over on this site, which has been written by many others who you do no know you or your family, you begin to feel sorry for your MLCer.  Everything is so script.  Their brains must be literally fried.
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Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#64: June 27, 2017, 02:27:50 AM
Quote from: ChrissYAH on June 26, 2017, 09:25:48 PM
YUP, oh and he did say 'u never know what the future holds' implying he may come back, yeah don't let the door hit u in the arse, IT'S LOCKED U OUT.

I've heard this one too... "You know, <fill in the name here>'s parents split and got back together years later because they just didn't find anyone better... " and "TF2 keeps saying that  who knows what the future will bring. We might end up back together in <x> years if we don't find anyone else."

So THAT is supposed to be a reason to reconcile?!? Because there wasn't anyone else better? Are you firetrucking serious?
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
s
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#65: June 27, 2017, 02:32:45 AM
I had much more selfish type spew - H did say I deserved to be with someone who can love me like I deserve to be loved but that was the only thing that remotely suggested he wasn't good enough. He has a very down wobbly few days where he was ultra detached and sorry for himself and said stuff about not feeling anything and being numb then in flipped and he seemed to almost pull himself together and become a totally different person.

Them the rest was all about him, that he wasn't happy, that he wasn't prepared to live a lie, that he needed to be true to himself. He was going to go have holidays etc it was weird.

He also said he would have left at some point so why not now (which is insane considering how he was - total opposite of what he's like). He was very final no hint of a return in fact he said he was nevertheless coming back. He kept saying 'this is happening, I won't change my mind' he was so adamant...

It's all insane when you think about it...
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#66: June 27, 2017, 03:02:38 AM
Yep... Heard this all too... and the "You deserve someone that can love you like you want to be loved." and all that other ..
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
T
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#67: June 27, 2017, 04:01:09 AM
"Everything happens for a reason" ... h said this a few times. "Let things happen naturally"... that one was his favourite. Things cant happen naturally when you have been with someone for 22 years and then you vanish  ::)
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#68: June 27, 2017, 04:33:52 AM
Yeah that "some time in the future" kills me. ;D ;D ;D

Ok so in my case: The ex put everyone through a divorce. Along with all this pain and manipulation and abuse and drama and lying and cheating and misery and BS for what? Most of that happened and damage I caused myself  was because I maintained contact.

 I needed to go NC right off the bat in 2010 and focus on me and heal and stop trying to communicate with him and figure him out.

Then they want get back together again later?  :o

Forget it. Not interested in the negativity. Nothing left for him in regards to me..No compassion nor do I feel sorry for him. Slim to none chance he'll ever face himself.. or change. I wouldn't be interested if offered proof positive of that.

Being done is much better than dealing with him. Happier without the ex than I ever was with him. :)
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
B
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Re: Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give #2
#69: June 27, 2017, 05:38:13 AM
Seems mine picked up the "How to MLC handbook" as well.  "You never know what the future holds"...got that one recently, as well as a few times beforehand as well, thanks for the crumbs h.  Then next conversation says he never said that, there is no hope, I should start dating, I deserve to be happy, to be loved the way I should be....blah blah blah blah.   Just get on with it already.   
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