[OneHotMess]

Good discussion,
Well on bd W stated she lost herself being a wife,mom.
W never loved me it was lust and is still very attracted to me. Huh
Trying to find herself she doesn't know what she sees in the mirror.

The list can go on. W said everything to me and kids But the most hurtful one. She never wanted to adopt our last 2 kids I made her love them when she didn't want to they ruined her life W stated.    and worse part they heard W say all these horrible things.

Jay,

My ex told me during BD “ my mom would be embarrassed to call our kids her grandkids”. S11 at the time heard it. It’s very sad and horrible the things they say.

[Jay78]

Is so sad what damage the W or H can do to family especially there kids. If they only could see the hurt in their eyes. Is so sad. I have my good and bad days I wanna be angry at W but then I feel sad for her. I guess we will never get it.

[UrsaMajor]

I have resurrected this thread from the depths of the Archives because ....

We have a new Entry that I haven't heard of yet - courtesy of HeavenlyFocus' Mid-Lifer who ...

"didn't like the color of the balloons he chose for his daughter's party.... "

What other "Reasons and Justifications" have come up lately... but only those that make you go



so we can all laugh about them...

[SailingAway]

Not sure if mine is that great. But it certainly seems like a totally legitimate reason to end a 20 year relationship.

I got told that it was unreasonable that I once called him at work to tell him that I had, had to lock our cat outside because she tried to attack me and our kids that were under 2 and that I was scared. Needless to say him having to come home from work to 'deal' with it was the most horrible and deal breaking thing ever.

Oh I was also told that the one time I got upset about crumbs on the kitchen counter was another deal breaker.
Plus it was terrible that I wasn't more thankful that he came home from his business trips that would take him away overseas for weeks at a time.

Gosh at the time of our breakup this stuff destroyed me. Now I'm just pleased to be free of his life/problems and can laugh about how ridiculous it all is. In fact I have even gone real petty (once or twice) and told my ex that he had a lucky escape.

[Nas]

I think it’s actually a good thing for newbies to be able to read the really absurd things that have been said. Not the really detailed or hurtful ones, just the bonkers off the wall statements. It’s a good reminder that people will say anything to try to take the focus off their own bad behavior and avoid looking at themselves.

Two absolute atrocities that I committed that were repeatedly cited as legitimate reasons for his leaving:
I once made an offhand comment (to my heavy metal guitar playing former husband) that I can’t stand Taylor Swift. Which makes me an angry, hateful monster.

When he called me as he was leaving somewhere to drive home, I would end our phone call by saying “love you, drive safe.” And yes, that apparently was a dig at his driving.

[Biscuit]

I had an absolute ton of these,

Two that still make me chuckle are;

"I can't be with someone that scratches their feet when they watch TV"

and  - "You don't love me - you love our house"

[Nas]

I think it’s actually a good thing for newbies to be able to read the really absurd things that have been said. Not the really detailed or hurtful ones, just the bonkers off the wall statements. It’s a good reminder that people will say anything to try to take the focus off their own bad behavior and avoid looking at themselves.

Two absolute atrocities that I committed that were repeatedly cited as legitimate reasons for his leaving:
I once made an offhand comment (to my heavy metal guitar playing former husband) that I can’t stand Taylor Swift. Which makes me an angry, hateful monster.

When he called me as he was leaving somewhere to drive home, I would end our phone call by saying “love you, drive safe.” And yes, that apparently was a dig at his driving.

Adding a caveat (not to bring down the mood) but in talking to someone I respect, I had a revelation that I still remember these statements because deep down, there are times when I worry that they might have some truth. Not the absurd statements themselves, but the larger meaning behind them. So it’s important for me to laugh at the absurdity of being told I’m awful because I turned the radio off when “Love Story” came on for the 57th time in a day.

But…when something stings, or when it stays with you, it’s often an indication that deeper introspection could be useful. It doesn’t mean the accusation is true- it could have a glimmer of truth or it could be completely untrue, but there’s something there that’s worth investigating. For me, I had no caregivers and had to teach myself literally everything so I’d always wonder if I was getting it wrong - “it” being everything, including just existing. But even the smallest things - I vividly remember teaching myself how to hold a fork by watching my classmates in kindergarten. So when my husband would criticize my very “being,” I was not whole enough to not take it personally. And I still remember the things he said because I haven’t entirely overcome the fear that maybe I am “wrong” in my very being.

Anyway, sorry to turn it a little more serious. it is important to recognize the absurdity of what they say and it says a lot about them and their inability to own their actions or face their own issues, fears, insecurities. There is something to be said though for seeing even the absurd comments as an opportunity to have a growth moment for ourselves.

Edit: not coincidentally, my newsfeed just fed me this quote:
“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”

[Dragonfly33]

I got these : You walk like an elephant. Meaning I make sounds with my feet when I walk. (I was 50 kilos at the time of BD)
                   : We were like Will Smith and Charleze Theron from the movie Hancock. The closer we are together the weaker he
                      became so he needed the distance to be strong again.
                   : He was meant to be a lone wolf. He didn't need a partner.

[KayDee]

Just after BD, when I remonstrated with my H that we had a close, loving and long relationship and that we had always been the best of friends, he said 'well yes, but we've had our moments'. Twenty six years and he talks of moments. I think maybe this underscores most of the nonsense we hear.

[Aliceinwonderland]

"You made me buy a sh!tload of expensive stuff that I did not want. (Curtains and a sofa for our new house- in a normal store at a normal price, we picked everything together.)"
"You took all my money"
"Without you I would have gotten much further (read: richer) in life."
"You are just too lazy and I am a worker."

And just a $h!teload of other extremely mean things on my character.

All extremely weird to me, because when I married I had this dream of a nice cocoon of a family, doing things together, loving each other, grow together, spend time together, ... Just really cosy. Turns out that that is not what I can get... I didn't need the really big house or all the things in it... I thought I had made that clear.

Do you think it is really true that they do not remember? Mine told me when the fog cleared up the first time that he could not have said such things, because they were extremely mean... and he is not mean. Now he is back at it...

I told him it must be extremely convenient to be able to forget such things... I would pay good money to forget as well...

Alice