[serenity]

Well said Nah,

I couldn't have put it better myself!

X

[bluerose]

     Your posr gives me hope. Thank you.

[sparklestar]

Nah do you think / sense that your H would rather come back? Were you tempted at the point he said 'I feel like I'm living someone else's lie' to try and get through to him at that point?

[nah]

Nah do you think / sense that your H would rather come back? Were you tempted at the point he said 'I feel like I'm living someone else's lie' to try and get through to him at that point?

Even if I wanted him back, No I don't think he is ready.  In the middle of "I care for you, I love you, and I think about you every single day" He also added he didn't want to be married to me. 

I think he is in liminality.

[beyondblessed]

Yep, they really are stuck between a rock and the AP because for most, it's all about pride and maintaining that facade of being in total control.  As hard as that $h!te sandwich is to choke down, I think most would rather do that than swallow their pride and beg for the forgiveness only we can offer.

[nah]

Yep, they really are stuck between a rock and the AP because for most, it's all about pride and maintaining that facade of being in total control.  As hard as that $h!te sandwich is to choke down, I think most would rather do that than swallow their pride and beg for the forgiveness only we can offer.

beyond... I couldn't agree more.

Most LBSers wonder why their husbands seemed to have no problem leaving a 20+ year relationship with a normal person BUT can't leave their "first loser who said yes".

Easy.... then they would have to admit it was the guy in the mirror the whole time.

[stillbaffled]

Yes they served us a sh!t sandwich.  Thing is they ordered one for themselves and now they have to pretend to like it.

We can eat our sandwich, or walk away from it.  So we do have a choice.  It seems like they have more choices, I mean they are the ones that ordered that sandwich BUT.... they can't walk away from what they ordered even though inside they are saying, this is sh!t.

So that's the kind of sandwich the MLC restaurant serves.  I didn't like the one MLCer served me so I left it on the plate.  I guess he's still eating his.  I hope he's sharing it with OW. 

[BrenM]

Most LBSers wonder why their husbands seemed to have no problem leaving a 20+ year relationship with a normal person BUT can't leave their "first loser who said yes".

Easy.... then they would have to admit it was the guy in the mirror the whole time.

I just wish the bloody mirror would crack 😵

So that's the kind of sandwich the MLC restaurant serves.  I didn't like the one MLCer served me so I left it on the plate.  I guess he's still eating his.  I hope he's sharing it with OW. 

Haha...ouch...love it 😜

[BrenM]

Bluerose, I hope you don't mind me gate crashing in on your post...just thought it was great to have a discussion on vanishers for current and future Vanishees to benefit.   

I found this on a archived HS story, it gave me some understanding and hope, I really believe our vanishers are keeping tabs on us from afar.  It is always surprising how much they apparently know about the family...good old whispers lol. The kids and I keep all social media locked down....hmmmm....I believe he is obviously getting information from friends, it does not bother me but intrigues me that he still has an interest from a distance but still lives the so called blissfully happy life with the younger woman.

What psychologist James Hillman describes as the soul's calling

Often, a man's restlessness and irritability come from the pull of his inner world, not a pull from outside. He may think he needs to leave his family, have an affair, change jobs, run away from home, leave the country. The real longing may be to fulfill his soul's calling. Recognize that this may cause a man to want to escape from his old life. He knows he has to break away, but he's not sure what he must break away from or where he is headed. Your support for his need to be free may be exactly what is needed for a man to choose to stay close.

[beyondblessed]

Realistically, they are not running from us, but their view of reality is drastically different than ours.  In their minds, we are the cause of their unhappiness.  Once they start searching externally and hit those inevitable dead ends,  they will undoubtedly come to this conclusion, but just as we were discussing, it won't really change the outcome for most of them.  Pride is a very strong motivator and it is doubly dangerous when the line between pride and arrogance becomes blurred, much as it does for many MLC'ers.  They really believe they can do no wrong, so when faced with all the wrong they do, that would be one very big, bitter pill to have to swallow.  My xh, for one, would much rather choke on the $h!te sandwich than ever have to reconcile the wrongs he's done.