[POOWOO]

Yep mines a vanisher saw him once 2 weeks after bd all I got on bd was ltbnilwy been seeing someone else then he left that day have no contact he still pays half the morgage but still after 20 months no contact about selling our house or getting a divorce no contact at all.
I still miss him every day and still living in our home I believe keeps me in limbo but financially this is the best option for me.i have heard from his friend that they are like teenagers and he has told people she is his fiancée and they are engaged it's like the 20 years we had never even existed.
Still hurts and I do believe they are cowards

[BrenM]

I have a vanisher!  My ExH has vanished from my life and our 4 children.  He has vanished from all,his responsibilities in life, with the exception of his work.   I think if his monstering was only directed at me, I would've moved on. .....but he has done this to his children.....that is bizarre.  The kids have been through lots of experiences and he has not bothered or cared less.  Unsure if I am doing the right thing standing or not, but I have just let him go on his merry way.

I reside in Queensland, Australia, last Tuesday we had a tropical cyclone (category 4..bloody big) hit our region.  Guess what..not a phone call or text to any of us Enquiring how we were or his house.  Very bizarre behavior!  This is what gives me hope that this is a MLC.....once upon a time when together he would phone several times a day....when he was away and something broke he would come home to repair it so that his family were safe.....I have absolutely no answers for this creature living in my exh's body.

[Passiflora]

I call mine "black-belt-vanisher". I have not seen or talked to him since october 2014, before that once in august -14. I kicked him out cause he physical abused me 30 june 2014. So that's 29 months?

My father, back in 1980, when my mum decided her coworker was her "soulmate", A "soulmate-relationship"  that lasted only 3-4 years (weekends and holidays during these years they never lived together) Anyway my father abandoned me and one of my oldest brothers (still living at home) for 5 years. Not one word from him all these years. The strangest part was when he did contact me back in -85, it was like he was back mentally in 1980, treating me like a 16yo. THAT did not go well with a 21yo Passi, let me tell you! 

I have come to the conclusion that it has to be something wrong with me, 2 vanisher in my life! 

Hugs

 

[Thunder]

I did not have a Vanisher, nor was he a Monster, but after reading stories on here for a few years I honestly think having a Vanisher is much better than a Clinger or a Clinging Boomerang.

It may be MUCH, MUCH harder, and more painful, in the beginning but I feel like a few on here, it helps the spouse move on faster because they leave you no choice.  You have no alternative but to get on with your life, which is exactly what we should be doing.

Having Clingers around only keeps you painfully aware they are there, just not caring about you.  You see their selfishness up close and it hurts.  They give you mixed messages, which can keep you confused.

With a cowardly Vanisher, there is none of that.  Plus if you do, eventually, meet someone else it gives you time to work on that relationship. 

Just my opinion.

Bluerose, you said your H has given you no financial help, but you did say your finances have been separated.
In the D settlement, will he need to pay you spousal maintenance?  Or don't you want or need that?
I'm sorry I don't remember if you have kids, but if so will he need to pay child support?

[nah]

after reading stories on here for a few years I honestly think having a Vanisher is much better than a Clinger or a Clinging Boomerang.

It may be MUCH, MUCH harder, and more painful, in the beginning but I feel like a few on here, it helps the spouse move on faster because they leave you no choice.  You have no alternative but to get on with your life, which is exactly what we should be doing.

Yep.  That pretty much sums it up.

I have come to the conclusion that it has to be something wrong with me, 2 vanisher in my life! 

Maybe it's the shampoo you use.... 

My father was also a MLCer and a semi-vanisher much like my husband.  At the time I seriously thought my father and my husband couldn't be more different.  My husband did not hide the fact that he thought my father was the world's biggest piece of sh!t for how he was treating our family.  I would have never in a million years thought my husband would go off on the deep end in the same fashion as my father.

Weird.  I mean what are the chances of having one MLCer in your life never mind two?.... but on this site it's somewhat common.

[Thunder]

Yep nah, I had 2 but they were both H's.   

[bluerose]

Thunder,
         We have 3 children. Only one is a minor. I am in the process of getting child support. The judge signed the order last thursday. Finally after trying for a year and a half. My lawyer is going after him for alimony and legal fees and yes, i desperately need it. When he left the first time, march 20, 2015, he went right to a different bank and opened his own account. He hasnt shared any info about his finances since, except that he is always broke and struggling. The ow told s19 back in october that he wasnt struggling.

[Thunder]

Ok then I'm glad he will have to pay up!

How do these guys live with themselves??   

[Passiflora]

Maybe it's the shampoo you use.... 

LOL…you made my day Nah! Sounds like you and I uses the same brand! 

At the time I seriously thought my father and my husband couldn't be more different.  My husband did not hide the fact that he thought my father was the world's biggest piece of sh!t for how he was treating our family.  I would have never in a million years thought my husband would go off on the deep end in the same fashion as my father.

Exactly, My husband know everything about my father and how he has been treating everybody. We decided not to involve him with our 2 son……I do think that even if he know everything, my xh still don't think he is doing exactly the same as my father. That is also true if what I've read about the mentality of abusive men. They can't or wouldn't see that what they are doing is the same as other abuser. They justify their behavior with that the "real" abusers do so much worse. At least according to Lundy Bancroft.

Hugs

[bluerose]

I dont know thunder. I ask myself that everyday. But, hey at leadt he is being a father to her kid.