Author Topic: My Story Between the earth and the sky...  (Read 4704 times)

Offline OnwardTopic starter

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My Story Between the earth and the sky...
« on: April 04, 2017, 02:58:32 PM »
Time for a new thread

The title of this one refers to that space between what is known, and what is unknown.

I'm kind of anticipating this is going to be a slow thread, and may well be my last. There really isn't a lot to say when one isn't inclined to journal very much about life outside of MLC, is heading into the fourth year of living in limbo, with an "off and on-er", and without kids. 

But, for those who are new, or who are following along and don't quite remember, I offer a recap of my story, noting changes from 6 months ago.

After 16 years of what I thought was a solid, happy, supportive marriage, H announced he didn't think he loved me anymore. He later revised that to LYBNILWU. Regardless, there's been zero expression of love -- or zero expression of any care or concern -- since BD.

BD was early spring of 2014.
I did lots 'wrong' - and some things I did 'right'.
Not sure either made any difference.
Only time will tell.

Some half-hearted, doomed and destructive efforts at MC followed BD.
Basically, we were introduced to 2 different MCs before H moved out 2 months after BD.  Saw a 3rd a few months after H's separation. But did no real counselling work, so I think it was all to fill the "See, I tried" box.

He left, and hasn't looked back.
Left me with all the responsibilities of our 4 pets and our house.
No children together; he as an adult S from a previous M.
They are estranged. H blames SS's mother.
SS and I have a hard-to-define relationship.

H left W #1 suddenly and dismissively as well.
W #1 and I have become friendly, so it's been interesting to hear a little bit about the other side of their story.

At BD, H claimed no OW, tho I suspect a number of EAs.
H pushed to shed all responsibilities, including the sale of our house, in mid 2015.
I agreed, but only with a mediated agreement in place.
Started mediation, house sold almost immediately, and mediation was never finalized.
We still have financial and other shared assets sitting in limbo.

At time of house sale, he claimed he would file for D
Since then.....
Nothing.
Limbo.

Rumour has it he is on dating websites.
Confirmation has it he has introduced an OW he met online to some family.
Introduced OW2, apparently a more serious prospect also met online, to family over Christmas.
Apparently our history has been rewritten to be 16 years of "misery" which OW thinks poor H was lucky to escape.

I have not seen him in six 2 months.
Communication is rare, and always polite.
I generally respond to what he initiates.
I will initiate administrative communication, which isn't often necessary.

Social media is .....interesting.
Still "friends",
Still have shared "friends" on FB, but in RL all connections have ceased with our shared friends, other than his family.
I still have good relationships with his family, too.

And that is 30 36 months and counting in a nutshell....

Previous threads:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8302.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8095.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7934.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7717.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6468.0
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline OnwardTopic starter

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2017, 03:18:21 PM »
As my last thread closed, I had just shared the loss of my dog - the last of three who have passed since H left. It has been difficult to lose each of them.

This one, the 'baby', was the only appointment that H did not attend. I was OK with that. He has been gone and out of her life - and mine - for a long time, and it was emotional enough.

I did let him know via text what was happening, to give him a chance to attend if he chose to. It was very last minute.  And he responded quickly to let me know that he couldn't come and why, and that he was very sorry. Which I appreciated.

It was the message now, a week later, following up and wondering if she had rallied, that caught me by surprise.  :o

I let him know that all was very peaceful. And....no further response from him.

I'm glad that he reached out, even if it did leave me scratching me head.

As I've said more often than I care to recall, you can't make sense out of nonsense.

Thank you my friends for your condolences. They mean a lot.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 03:19:45 PM by Onward »
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline Thunder

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2017, 03:42:03 PM »
Onward,

I'm so glad you started a new thread.  I wanted so badly to tell you how very sorry I am about losing your dog.

While my H was in his crisis I lost both my Great Danes who were like our kids.  It was doubly painful because even though H was there, he wasn't there.   :-\
I had their tags put on a chain and still wear them when I go walking in the woods.

Anyway, I'm very sorry.   Keep those wonderful memories.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline No expectations

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2017, 06:11:37 PM »
Attaching, Onward. 
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline handpuppets

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2017, 06:15:25 PM »
Holding space for you, Onward, always. <3
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline heroIam

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2017, 06:24:23 PM »
Doing the limbo dance with you......
Attaching
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Never say never

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2017, 06:26:21 PM »
Onward, you are an idol to me.  When you posted on my thread, I felt very special, I really did.  I can't imagine what you have gone through, the pain, the tears, the growth; yet, we all make it through ... somehow.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.  That just makes it extra difficult.  We have a golden who is ten years old.  My husband trained that dog in the beginning and she was man's best friend.  When my husband walks through the door now, our golden puts her head down and scampers away to our daughter's bedroom.  How sad is that?

All I can say is, wow, you are an incredibly strong woman.  I know, that must get old sometimes to hear.  Sometimes, you don't want to be the "strong" woman.  You want to be "the woman" who just is nurtured and taken care of like a marriage is meant to be.  I get it.  We all do.

There is something out there for us, though, that is greater than we can imagine at this moment.  There is a blueprint, a plan, and we just have to be patient and not question anything and wait for the plan to be executed. 

Some day, we will look back and see how the plan was set in motion, how it was meant to be played out.  We are just too anxious to know answers right now that cannot and will not be answered on our time line.

Onward, I thank you for all of the support you have offered me.  I support you the same. 

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2017, 07:57:52 PM »

I'm kind of anticipating this is going to be a slow thread, and may well be my last. There really isn't a lot to say when one isn't inclined to journal very much about life outside of MLC, is heading into the fourth year of living in limbo, with an "off and on-er", and without kids. 


Au contraire mon ami! 

You have much to offer and you might be surprised to realize that many of us enjoy hearing about life outside of MLC.   I think you'll find that when you post and share whatever is going on in your life you'll find that your cyber friends here follow along and respond. 

My condolences on the loss of your furbaby.  Do you think that at some point in the future you will choose to have another one? 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2017, 07:50:00 AM »
Just attaching to your new thread and deeply hoping it is not your last!  You have such a wonderful way of expressing yourself and your life, I hope you continue to share!

I understand how sad losing your fur baby is, it is a heartbreaking event for sure.
I do not want to take away from your grieving time, but I'd like to share something.  During my H's crisis I too had to put my sweet fur baby to rest, toughest thing I ever had to do and I too did it alone, no H at my side(even though he remained in the home). 
A day after, H's OW2 (remember she was OUR friend)  tried to speak about it with me and maybe console me??  Not sure??  Simply put, I was quite upset!   I decided I would not bite my lip and remain silent about this and said to H "you told XXXX about this?   he answered with " of course I did,  why wouldn't I? "   I understood right then and there what was happening and just how close the "friendship" was and just how much they were talking and seeing each other without me around!
As hard as it was it confirmed my suspicions and I never once doubted their EA again!!     Losing someone that close is hard and someone in crisis can't or won't do the hard stuff, they run!

Here's to a stronger Onward!
(hugs) 
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Anjae

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2017, 08:10:20 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Onward.

I'm sorry abouyt your "baby" dog.

Agree with the others, you have a lot to offer.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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