Author Topic: My Story Between the earth and the sky...  (Read 4692 times)

Offline CallingHeart

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My Story Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #90 on: June 13, 2018, 07:35:56 PM »
Hi Onward,
You got approved for a substantial sized loan. Yay you!
That says a lot about how others can place their trust in you and how you can stand on your own financially. 

Personally, I think seeing your H on the patio with kids is probably "more" than a trigger. Not sure what I would call it, but that would set most people back.

When I lament about being childless, I read Isaiah 54.
CallingHeart....
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #91 on: June 13, 2018, 10:13:39 PM »
Onward—that part about seeing him on the restaurant patio with her children tore my heart out. I can only imagine how you felt. You seemed to have bounced back pretty quickly and that is amazing. But allow yourself to be sad too bc that is rough.

That all said, look at all you’ve accomplished all by yourself. Pretty awesome I think.
Me 47
H 45
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline OnwardTopic starter

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #92 on: June 14, 2018, 11:54:46 AM »
Thank you everyone. One of the unexpected blessings of all of this has been finding a community of friends who 'get it'.

I was thinking this morning that one of the traps I can fall into is looking around and seeing all of the happy couples out there and envying "why them and not me?"

I'm a good person. I was (am) a good wife. A good friend. What do they/does she have that I don't have that he would just throw it all away? (I know, I know. He's in crisis. It's not me, wasn't the marriage etc. etc. etc. But I do sometimes have these thoughts.)

Usually, I can wrestle them into the ground pretty quickly. But the "pop up thoughts" do prompt a small wave of sadness.

Today I had to remind myself of how many good people I know - including this forum - who have also experienced the trauma of being cast aside. I am definitely not alone.

I both know and don't know why I am going through a real funk right now. And I'm annoyed with myself that after all this time, and despite knowing what I need t do to get out of a cycle, I still fall into the blues.

Sigh.
As I said to RT earlier today, and Calamity has often reminded me, the emotional fallout of this sure does last a long time.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2018, 11:57:57 AM by Onward »
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline Anjae

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #93 on: June 14, 2018, 06:22:54 PM »
You are not alone.

And you also don't know if the same will not, sadly, happen to one of those happy couples.

You and your husband were once a happy couple. So where the rest of us and our spouses.

It is not that easy get out of a cycle even when we know we need to. Falling into the blues may keep happening.

Things get better, but, at times, there may fall backs. Don't worry. It is all a normal part of our process.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline calamity

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #94 on: June 15, 2018, 11:23:20 PM »
Quote
And you also don't know if the same will not, sadly, happen to one of those happy couples.

You and your husband were once a happy couple. So where the rest of us and our spouses.
Yes. 50%... 
And I always wonder if those couples are married to each other. ;)

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #95 on: June 24, 2018, 02:05:31 PM »
I have those same thoughts sometimes. I still can't understand this, especially as more time goes by and nothing seems to change.

I was somewhat preoccupied when I followed a couple into the grocery store Friday evening. After I got into the store I realized there was something familiar about the woman in front of me and then I recognized the shoes the woman was wearing. I had just followed my wife and her pet pig into the grocery store without realizing it. I was so shook up I went back to my car, grabbed my umbrella (it was raining), and went for a long walk. I stopped at D34's house for a minute and told her what had happened but I don't think she understood why I was so upset. It's been almost 4 years since BD and we've been divorced for almost one year but it still hurts as if BD just happened.

Offline Milly

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Re: Between the earth and the sky...
« Reply #96 on: June 24, 2018, 04:45:36 PM »
Onward, I was so excited to see there was a new post from you. First, I'm really sorry you had to see your H on the patio with the OW's children. That is so terrible. I can't even begin to understand how hard that must be for you. It's unfair, un-justifiable, and unbelievable. All I can think is that he is not in a place he would have chosen based on his history with you.

However, on the financial side, as unfair as it may be to have to buy a property back that you bought with your inheritance, the fact that you were approved for a good sized loan shows how much you are worth. You are able to finance yourself. To a financial institution, a bank, you look trustworthy. You have choices.

You can make decisions based on your needs and likes and you will be backed up. And let's not forget it that once you take on a loan, you also get to decide whether you pay it off or not. You do say you know that many other LBSs don't have your opportunities, but I hope you realize that you are in a GREAT place.

You can't change anything that happened up until recently, you had no say in what happened in the past, but you are clearly having a say in what can happen to you from now on: you are worthy, you are worth investing in. This means you have options.

I hope you begin to acquire what you need to feel secure or plain happy. Think of it as starting from today, and what you can realize for you today. Good luck Onward. I'm excited for you.xxxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

 

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