Author Topic: Discussion Truth Darts-Do They Work?  (Read 1859 times)

Offline Not Your MonkeyTopic starterTopic starter

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Discussion Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« on: April 08, 2017, 12:02:24 PM »
I've read RCR's articles about truth darts and have shot 3 at my husband in the past 48 hours. I'm feeling the need to shoot some more.

I find her examples though to be a bit lacking in punch. Because they are so generic and almost obvious that I am almost thinking they are the sort of thing that would go in one ear and out the other without registering.

According to RCR, they don't have an effect right away. But that begs the question, how do we know they actually work?

Can anyone give any examples where you saw a direct connection between a truth dart and changes in the MLCer? Or examples of where the MLCer later told you that the truth dart indeed made them think and/or change their ways?

Offline 1phoenix

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2017, 12:04:56 PM »
C4E,

Threw one at H about never being around when needed and he started to take an interest in 'home' things within a week.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2017, 12:39:37 PM »
Mine finally admitted that my suggestion for S17 to go to Community college and tranfer as an option was a valid point  (Truth dart was "Just because your parents told you that only a 4 year college showed you were intelligent, that doesn't make it a fact, It's what you do with your intelligence that counts.")

IMO, a valid truth dart, delivered without anger, can't hurt, so why not?
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Velika

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2017, 02:40:20 PM »
Last year one of the only times I saw my MLC-H as his old self was following a written truth dart. Nothing I said (or even his young son said)  seemed to get through to him.

I did notice though at one point he told me he was going to get a second car, and I made a suggestion as to which car to get. And that is the car he ended up with. (This was pre off-road vehicle.) Since he was rebelling against me in almost all levels this may be notable.

I would love to hear Jedi mind tricks for MLCers, maybe there are unexplored strategies.

Offline bluerose

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2017, 02:55:36 PM »
     I you find out how to use those jedi mind send the info my way. PLEASE!

Offline Not Your MonkeyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2017, 06:26:17 AM »
I can report now that my truth dart from a few nights ago MAY have had some effect on H. He had said he felt more "comfortable" sleeping with OW than with me. I told him he was making excuses and his response was as if he knew I knew he was but he didn't say it directly. My real feeling is that he is afraid of what OW's reaction would be, because she would make his life hell, so no wonder he feels more comfortable there.

So I sent him a truth dart text after he left saying, "Please no excuses, because I know you will do the right thing in the end because that is what will make you proud of yourself." He always used to proudly say to me, "C4E, I always do the right thing in the end," so I decided to use his own words and show him the benefit of doing the right thing.

Last night as he was about to leave, he hugged me, I felt like he was sort of having a hard time letting go and he said, "Do you want me to sleep here a while?" I said, "It's up to you." And he laid down with me for a while, we held hands, looked in eachother's eyes, chatted a bit, and he closed his eyes and looked really peaceful and content, unlike how I have seen him in the last months. He did leave again after half an hour, but it seemed like a baby step in the right direction and an indirect acknowledgment that the truth dart got through.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2017, 07:10:50 AM by Changing4Ever »

Offline 1phoenix

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2017, 06:31:23 AM »
Good for you C4E
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline Thunder

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2017, 07:15:55 AM »
The few times I threw my H a truth dart was when he would say something like..well, I don't know how I'm going to keep the house and still pay you alimony...or something to that effect, I would just say..."Well, this was your idea not mine."

He finally stopped saying stuff like that because complaining to me about his consequences was going no where with me.  Like I was supposed to feel sorry for him because he chose to divorce me and would have to pay for it???  Ah no...
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Not Your MonkeyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2017, 07:20:42 AM »
I do that too, when he says he doesn't need two women. He says it to OW too. I tell him he had one, and that he chose to make it two. However, I think he usually says it when he is feeling I don't want to be with him, but nonetheless, it was HIS choice and he has to deal with that. I sure as hell am not going to solve this "problem" for him by leaving him.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2017, 07:36:28 AM »
Exactly!  They create a problem than whine about it.

Well, go fix it!!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline TryMe!

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2017, 08:31:16 AM »
My W is pretty accurate in following up:

- Then explain me what is that about those curls and shaving your legs every day? Nothing to do with mlc?
** She stopped the curls and shaving legs. [Okay, this one was a loss for me :D)

- Hmmm, if you look at it he is actually unrespectfull to you. [Boss, possible EA]
** Angry at phone with boss: You are unrespectfull to me, unrespectfull, unrespectfull.....

- Ohh, then why are you texting with him so often in the evening and weekend
** No more texting after 6 pm or in the weekend

- Did you really think you scare me with your anger (Monster) at me?
** Monster is covert, haven't seen it anymore in that intensity.

- I can't listen to your playlist anymore, it is depressing and  the text of the songs are only about quitting a relationship
** Playlist is never turned on when I am around, actually she now isn't listening for days instead of hours.

- Ohh, why is it so important to go to Gym on mondays?
** No more Gym on monday, actually she hasn't been to the gym since 7 weeks now after that dart.

- Well if your Step father will not tell your mom what is his problem with her and she will not pick up on it, they will soon go into divorce.
** I get more constructive feedback on what is bothering her and she explains what things mean to her, I carefully listen to every word.

- Well that 'fantasy guy' of yours actually look like your father. And when he is in your head you are not focused on our relationship.
** No more looking up her 'fantasy guy' on facebook anymore.

- You might have mlc.
** Noo, that is ridiculous!! Day after, looking up mlc on Internet.

And so on. 

Offline Not Your MonkeyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2017, 08:44:10 AM »
My H has a habit of telling OW she is under his shoe, and more rarely me. I do NOT like this talk. It is totally unacceptable. He tried it on me yesterday and although I didn't respond, I prepared my response for next time he tries it on me. I found an old flipflop of his and washed it. Next time he says that, I will tie the flipflop to the top of my head and walk around with it there until I get some sort of satisfactory response from him. I decided the best way to deal with it will be to mock him.

There was a funny one I just remembered. His nickname for OW is "Bear" because frankly, she has the body shape of a bear. One day I told him, "Did you know in the US, bear is the term used for hairy gay men?" That's the last time I heard him refer to her as "Bear."


Offline 1phoenix

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2017, 09:45:15 AM »
C4E. You are the best. Thanks for making me laugh so hard!
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline Not Your MonkeyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #13 on: April 10, 2017, 04:22:21 AM »
I don't know why truth darts are the focus now but they seem to be flying fast and furious for me at the moment.

Last night I managed to launch a truth dart about OW that my husband agreed with. That was a surprise. He didn't defend her.

Today, even more surprisingly, he launched his own truth dart at himself. He decided he wanted to remove one of his email addresses from our joint online banking account in the US for security reasons. While he was logged in (he hadn't logged in since December), he started reviewing how much money I had been making over the past months. I work online from home for two different companies. He noticed it was down. He asked me if I had putting money in my personal account, and I told him no, I would not do that. He decided to do an even more focused investigation, starting his review from the date he really got involved with OW. He explicitly said the date he was looking at. He came to the conclusion that I was earning about half of what I was earning before. I just told him I couldn't concentrate on work, nothing more, not explaining why but I am sure he understood. He said he could support us it didn't matter if I worked. But he kept commenting that it was down and I repeated several times, "Why do you think that is?" He said, "I don't care why it is down" in a neutral tone but he avoided answering the question.

I can't say how relieved I was for him making this discovery himself. If I had delivered the truth dart myself, he would have gotten very angry and defensive. But the fact that I am earning less now I am sure will bother him, and he can't escape the reason really either. He might imagine it is intentional or un-intentional on my part but either way, I'm sure it will be something he can't escape thinking about, as if effects us financially and he knows he is to blame for this, directly or indirectly. There is no way he can spin it otherwise. This was a good dose of reality for him in several ways.

He just went to buy groceries and I gave him my list and after reviewing it he commented how much it would cost. Good.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Truth Darts-Do They Work?
« Reply #14 on: April 10, 2017, 04:33:29 AM »
He truth darted himself!!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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