[Milly]

RT, I do understand how your D is still suffering over all this. I think all our kids are, just that people in RL think we're going through a "normal" split up. But ours, is the gift that keeps on giving. The song with legs that you hate but keep hearing in your head. I'm sure you've already told your D that there are many kids, the kids of us on the forum, who are having very similar experiences to her.

My S12 was crying this morning before school, (couldn't get him to go, actually) because he says he hates his life, that he's been sad all year, that his dad is going out with a 30 year old and doesn't want to spend any time with him. I just validated him. I listened so he could vent, told him his dad doesn't even know what he's going to do himself on a daily basis, and that he should try and focus on the good things in his life. Hard when you're feeling down. Maybe our kids could do with a little dim contact, too, so they don't feel the immediate effects of their dads not remembering the details of their lives, not caring that D might not like seeing OW rubbing his feet. I mean, does anyone like to see anyone rubbing a guy's feet?

My D just graduated, too, and it's a sad milestone with the dads more into their horse faced girlfriends than them. Shining Star, I loved your description of the OW. It's much more respectable than the names I would like to use, and although I love horses, it's not a good look on a girl! Think I might start using the name for my H's OW.

Three years is just the beginning of the end, right? This is a world of its own, with different rules. I hope your D gets through this down cycle.
Milly

[The lighthouse]

My D goes through these times too RT.  I find that day to day she is fine now, but every now and again when the trials of every day adolescent life starts to get on top of her, it brings all the hurt her Dad has caused and continues to cause to the surface again.  It sure is the gift that keeps on giving, for our children as well as ourselves.

All we can do is keep the lines of communication open with them and allow them to vent as often as they feel they need to.  Better that they get it all out every so often than let it fester.  I hope your D starts to feel better again soon.

[Reallytrying]

Thanks All for your support!
SS - I didn't realize it was from a video at first either. I truly don't get why he would have posted it. She looked awful and he knows it's a good chance his D would see it.  It's so clear that they just don't think.  I love the description of her looking like a hag. That was what I needed from my friend the other night. Instead she saw the same pic you saw and told me three times that she looked like me. Ugh!

NoEx - she has been to counseling in the past. I asked her if she wants it again but she said no. I'm a therapist so I am good with her being in counseling. I got a referral from a friend so I have the name on stand-by.

LH, MD, 31 - I do think she cycles like we do. The majority of the time she is ok - just like I am but when other things intervene she gets upset. This week it was the video, the unsupportive friend, and her little boyfriend and her were grumpy. It was a perfect storm of adolescent angst that led to a tough night and morning. By the time she left for school she was seeming a bit better. MD - I wish she'd stop following her dads snapchat but that's up to her.

The 2x4 is needed but he's being so daft right now I don't even know if it would help.

Milly - I hope your s is having a better day today. SS is great with he descriptions of these awful OW. More than once she's made me chuckle when I really needed it.

[Reallytrying]

Yesterday actually got worse before it got better. I had a doctor appointment in the afternoon that thankfully I rescheduled once D was struggling in the morning. H and I started the morning texting about an event S has for school that clashes with his game. His team is down a player so if s doesn't go the team may not have enough people. I was trying to get info from the coach because it's a big deal where he has been invited to exhibit his project to many scientists. H thinks he should go to his game. S really wants to go to the school thing. I see both concerns and feel torn. It's the first time in years that h and I are at odds parenting and since I was already in a bad mood from D I really didn't need that exchange. We still haven't made a decision.

I decided I'd take lunch to S because he had won several awards the night before at his school's athlete award ceremony. Figured I'd take it for d too. The night before we had been planning to go out with my family to a super fancy dinner. The program at S school ran super long so my family had to go without us. We ended up eating McDonalds. I think that contributed to d foul mood 😂😂😂.

As I am on my way home from dropping them both lunch I get a text from D that she was caught in the hallway when she should have been at lunch and she was being suspended. I thought she was exaggerating but sure enough the administrator called. Said she was out of her assigned area so was found to be loitering so she was being given a 3 day suspension. She has never been in trouble before and I mentioned that and he said principal said anyone in the hallway was to be suspended - even though she wasn't skipping class. I had texted h to tell him what she had said when she told me. His response "why can't she just follow the rules?"  I did not respond to him. I called him after the administrator called. At this point I was close to tears. Two seconds into the conversation and I wanted to scream - he is like a robot - no emotion. Nothing! I quickly hung up and we continued the conversation via text discussing the consequences she should have.

My neighbor called right after that and I burst into tears. I said that I was going for a walk and she said I'll be right out. She dropped whatever she had been working on to join me on a 3 mile walk where I could process what a tough stretch of days it had been. I felt so much better when it was over. I'm so grateful for her and my HS friends who were there for me when I was truly having an awful day yesterday.

By the time d got home I was calmer. We talked about what happened about coping strategies when you are upset - not bottling up feelings, etc. Now I'm angry at the school. I've talked to a few people who work for the school system and they both feel that the punishment was excessive for what she did. H doesn't seem fazed but I will be at the school to meet with the administrator. Someone needs to explain to me how a kid who left the lunch room but wasn't caught doing anything (I asked!) deserves a 3 day suspension. The administrator actually said he wasn't familiar with her - because she has never been in trouble before. I definitely think she should have a consequence but this seems very harsh for the stated infraction.

[Shining Star]

I AM SHOCKED that a school would suspend any child for such a small infraction.  That is incredible to me.  Isn't that what detention is for, or a call to the parent - "hey your child didn't follow the rules today, please talk to her!"  I know you will handle appropriately.  Education is your thing and you will know how to deal with the Administrator, but the fact that you even need to deal with this is just unbelievable.  I know D must be so upset, and who suspends a child when the school year is about over unless they bring a gun to school, fight, light up in the hallway - something serious.  And robot man..... what is his problem?  He has two of the best kids ever born who are incredibly successful and where is he when his D needs the support?  Ugh!  to it all.......

I am glad you had your neighbor for the long walk.  That was helpful! xo

[31andcounting]

I agree it feels "over the top" to me but not sure you can or should fight it?  Maybe you can appeal?  Is it a year round school system, why is she not out on summer vacation? 

Tell H she is a kid remember??

Walking and a good neighbor is a great way to work through some of this!!

When it rains it pours doesn't it ?
(hugs)
31

[Reallytrying]

SS & 31 - I am shocked too that they would move to suspension for that. I will meet with the administrator because I don't think protocol was followed. Of course we have punished her because I don't want her to think what she did was ok.

As for robot man - I think he is incapable of anything emotional these days and that's so so sad.

31 they go on vacation on the 13th of June so she'll go back in time for her exams.

Thankfully today has been less horrifying

[KeepItTogether]

School's reaction is completely over the top. But the good news is, D wasn't really doing anything. I'm all about rule following, when there is a valid reason for them. But here, she didn't really do anything "bad."

Anyway, not surprised H was unfazed by it all. Probably thinking he needed an apple or something....

Glad you have a great neighbor friend. Great way to calm down and get perspective before D got home.  And glad you had a better day today.

[Whyus]

"Probably thinking he needed an apple or something.... "

Loved this 😂

[Reallytrying]

[quote author=KeepItTogether link=topic=8929.msg593429#msg593429
Anyway, not surprised H was unfazed by it all. Probably thinking he needed an apple or something....

Glad you have a great neighbor friend. Great way to calm down and get perspective before D got home.  And glad you had a better day today.
[/quote]

Omg I just laughed out loud too At the very least an orange.

KIT - when we got home on Monday he was sitting in the house eating cherries - his  relationship with fruit is truly odd  😂😂😂😂